Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Whirlpool

…what the situation will be like in the world before the Lord returns, namely, Christ will be despised, and the preachers of the Gospel will be regarded as fools. ~Martin Luther (The Complete Sermons of Martin Luther, vol. V, p. 40)

I fast on Wednesdays, which can complicate things in ways I cannot predict. Sometimes I get a headache, but that is rare. Occasionally, I get overtired or generally weak, but not so much so since we have been working at the horse barn on Tuesdays, oddly. Once in awhile, the Lord lays something heavily on my heart and I devote my prayers. Very seldom I get this detached feeling that leans toward feeling defeated.

On those days, I feel a sense of lost and hopelessness. I do not want to talk much. I do not want to hear much. I do not want to read. Worse, I do not even want to pray to my Lord.

I see the beginning of the End Times are upon us and I do not know whether I should try to fight against it or just resign myself to its fate. I fear most for my daughter. I fear for all the Christians and Jews who are just beginning to feel the persecutions yet to be. All my life I have heard about the End Times and all my life I have dreaded its coming.

For what should I pray? That the Lord stop pass this cup from me and my child and my child's children? That they be strong, their faith unwavering, even to their death?

I feel like I am on the edge of a whirlpool: able to see its forthcoming perils, but too caught in it to stop the inevitable demise. For what should I pray?


~ There are times, my Lord, when the groanings of my spirit cannot be served by words. Please hear my heart.~