The Princess' First Visualization

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs. ~Vance Havner

There comes a time that a mother realizes that her child is venturing out and having her own experiences. Although I realize that all her life my daughter has had her own experiences, much of them including me and now many are far removed by distance or hidden in the depths of her mind and heart. It is a healthy, subtle change, expected with her maturing, but at times I realize that my daughter is out with friends and I really do not know everything she is doing, what she is talking about, or what she is thinking. We rarely pray with her at bedtime now, but I remind her when she comes to say good-night to "talk to your Lord." I say that because I want her to make the transition from praying at Him to talking to Him to even conversing with Him. I can tell her about how to do it, remind her to do it, but her relationship with God is now her responsibility to cultivate.

I have no doubts that she has strong ideas of right and wrong, but I wonder about the closeness of relationship she has with the One who gave her those morals. She seems to be trying to find her way and I see it as a good thing, because her faith, her belief, her love for God has to be her own to deepen the root so the vine will flourish. Thankfully, my daughter is still rather open about whatever is on her mind...the "whatever" is what I sometimes find disturbing, but I just smile, listen to her, listen to my Lord, give her any advice that could be helpful to her, and then pray...a lot!

The church we are attending has a very active youth group, but it is not all socialization, fun, and helping with the younger children, although there is much of that. This is a church that strongly focuses on the personal relationship with God and using spiritual gifts. Yesterday, my daughter told me that the youth were asked to visualize walking to a garden, going through a gate, meeting with Jesus, and asking Him about what what He likes about them and to give them something He had just for them. She was somewhat disturbed by what she saw and knowing that I had been given the  interpretation of dreams and had been given visions at times, she told me about her visualization.

She was in a hospital gown with a wrist band. She was walking toward the garden gate that was old and worn, but still worked. The garden was completely dead. She met with Jesus who told her that what He liked about her was her "talents," but He did not give her anything even though she asked a few times.

The youth had all talked about their own visualizations and the Princess, of course, was disturbed that Jesus did not give her anything and by the other signs.

At first I found her visualization quite disturbing as well! My mama protective instincts were on high alert:

• A hospital gown--my child has never been ill or severely injured, so was this a warning?
• A dead garden--death all around!
• Jesus gives her nothing--nothing?

Getting past my instinctive emotional response and putting it before my Lord, I was shown how much promise and good there was in the visualization. I believe it was to prompt her and guide her to having that closer relationship with God I wish for her, so I found it encouraging and I hope my child did as well as I told her what I felt God was trying to tell her.

The hospital gown and the dead garden were linked in a way. They both symbolized that she need tending to, spiritually speaking. Jesus told her that He liked her talents, but I know that she is not yet really using those talents to His glory as I know she could and should. Perhaps using those talents is what will make the garden alive and beautiful. Jesus gave her nothing, not because He has nothing for her, but because she is not yet ready to receive it...AND (this is the really exciting part for me) He wants her to keep coming back and asking for it.

She is being challenged or tested, which leads me to think that the gift will be of greater worth.

I suggested to her that she continue with the visualization and I believe that the garden will change eventually, maybe she would even tend to it herself, and keep meeting with Jesus asking Him for the gift He has for her. I believe that one day He will give her the gift.

~ My Lord, thank you for what was a disturbing vision for my daughter. You know her so well. She is going to want to fix it, make it right, and that means she will be seeking Your heart, which is my greatest prayer for her. ~

Homeschooling My New High Schooler

Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she's messing it up. ~Unknown

For the last year, I have felt stuck while many people around us were having positive changes in their lives...and this was going on while I was dealing with feeling older by the month, obviously due to my old cat, Jamie. I felt frustrated and stuck in many ways, but the physical tiredness and aching also worked against me in taking on anything of much significance. Since April, homeschooling was even too much effort. I was gearing up for May, but then...well, that is a story for another post.

Homeschooling, to my daughter's joy, just was not happening, although I was working on homeschool preparation on some mornings. Because we usually homeschool year around with no defined start and stop school periods going at whatever pace that works for each subject, most of the prepared curricula we use, like for Latin, Koine Greek and vocabulary, is staggered. So, we may be starting a new book in Greek, be in the middle of the one in Latin, and just started a new one in vocabulary. Each of these subjects needs planning and has preparation items I make: I print out flash cards for the languages and now also make the vocabulary flash cards ones online at Quizlet because it is such a versatile program and it creates quizzes too.

Since I abhor dry, boring textbooks for the most part, especially for history, I have been creating our curriculum using various resources. I usually do it in chunks of time periods and I have to say that it is quite an undertaking, but when I have it together it is really great, tailored well for my daughter. So, history has well-planned assignments when I finally have them done. We are trying to squeeze in a wonderful civics program also, a textbook but written by homeschoolers for homeschoolers and interesting. Although it is targeted for middle school, I can tell you that it is more in depth than what public school high school students are learning.

I explained all this so you would understand what happened in April. When subjects are loosely staggered and not well planned, it apparently is possible that many of them can end within three weeks of each other. Eek! History, Latin, Greek, and vocabulary ended and I had nothing prepared! Some was started but not finished. Also, I have my plans in a program called Homeschool Tracker as well as the records of work done and grading for all the subjects, except when I get behind with my record keeping and--yes, I am also behind...again.

After much prayer, we will be continuing with the Home Study Center for just two 9th grade classes: Physical Science and Algebra 1 Part 2. She made all A's on her report card except for Technology in the first semester, she was one point shy of the A, but her average was an A for Engineering and Technology. However, this year the only other class that would fit in our schedule would be Engineering and even though she scored quite high in it last year--a surprise to her--she did not enjoy it so much that she really wanted to take the class this year.

The Home Study Center loses a number of students going into the high school years. Most of the boys in my daughter's class last year will not be returning, probably in favor of accredited private or public schools. Sad because the program at the Home Study Center is excellent. In some ways too excellent: it is very time consuming and makes it difficult for us to get my homeschooling in. Also, my daughter and I both wrestle with priorities between their assignments and mine weekly. I looked into some other homeschool schools, but some only allow full time students taking all their core classes and most are two days a week, deal breakers for me.

There is one that is on Tuesdays not far from her current school called Timothy Ministries. They have no requirements about number of classes or what kind. It is a bit more affordable, especially the science class because they do not have the cost of an expedition tagged on it. They also have a wide variety of classes, core subjects, of course, but mostly electives, including violin. The downside is every class for all grades is on Tuesday, which means many of the classes overlap each other.

My current dilemma with the Home Study Center is not the classes--we have everything set as to schedules with her piano lesson in between her algebra and science classes on Monday--it is with a program that they call Serving Leaders. This year, the Princess was invited to be a Training Serving Leader (TSL). This is really an amazing program! Servant Leaders do many things like help in the classes and take notes for students that are absent, because being homeschoolers our schedules need flexibility and many of the families travel. TSL's meeting on Monday nights from 5:30 to 7:30 and then they are required to also help with the elementary classes and/or clubs, which means we have to go a second day. It is a big commitment in other ways for the parents also.

The Serving Leader program earns up to six high school credits on its own if the child is in the program all four years. It also teaches the teenagers to pray aloud over other students, give encouraging words in their critique of a student's presentation performance, and look for ways to be helpful with a servant's heart. There is no church program I have ever seen that instills this in teenagers as well as their program. They also create their own plays and have their own praise and worship band for performances on the science expeditions.

If we lived within 15 minutes of the school, there would be no question...even 35 minutes could work, but being over an hour away.... Another family, whose daughter has the same name as my daughter and the Princess called the girl her twin the first day of school two year ago when they met, because they both are artistic, love the same things, and have long brunette hair, live half way between us and the school on the route I take. They offered to help me out so I would not have to drive the whole way in on a second day, or pick her up after the TSL meeting, if I have to go home to take care of the dog when my husband is working out of town (which is most of the time). She understands because her husband has the same type of job. However, they also are not sure that they can work in the TSL requirements within their own schedule and they have a younger daughter (with the same Biblical name as our dog) that is a student there on Fridays being homeschooled also. It would not work for them well, unless her oldest is there on Fridays the same time as their younger one.

They have been praying about the situation for themselves because the younger one did not get as far in her studies as they hoped this year because of the commitments required to the Home Study Center just for the classes and her older daughter only took the science class last year. The mother is just terribly torn over the matter...as I have been. If we do it, homeschooling will really only take place three days a week and even then it will be a squeeze, because Tuesday mornings are going to be a drag for the both of us, particularly if my husband is away. On the day she would be helping with a class for at least an hour an a half which we cannot pick...well, that is three hours with unproductive travel time alone because my daughter can get motion sickness when trying to read; we listen to CDs on history and audio books but she would rather read the book. So besides the mileage and gas, we are talking 4½ hours for that alone and not much time between that and daily piano practice to homeschool. It really would put a serious hole in my lesson planning. Besides the other family and I need our daughters be be coordinated to assist with the the same class or the same times for us to help each other out and the policy is we do not get to choose the classes.

So, TSL may not be feasible at all for us. I would be fine with that. My daughter said she would be fine with it either way. I am just not so sure she will feel the same when school starts and the TSL students talk about what they are doing and she is not included. On the other hand, having more freedom with our schedule, she could spend more time with her "twin" who already seems to have a servant leader's heart.

Sometimes I wish God would give a shout rather than use His quiet voice when I have a dilemma like this.

~ My Lord, I am seeking your guidance. Please make it known clearly to me. ~

19 Years with Jamie

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
~Ellen Perry Berkeley

As you can see, I have not posted in half of a year. Much has been going on in that six months and it is my intention to tell about it all, but today I am writing because this is the day we decided that the deteriorating health my 19-year-old cat was causing us all to suffer, him most of all and me second. Being empathic has its downside and for the past year I have had increasing abdominal / digestion issues. While I did not have persistent diarrhea as Jamie did for the past year, I still felt like I should. I was waking every morning for the past four months with everything hurting. I was in tears about this as I told my husband about it a few weeks ago, that I was not shaking it, and the pain and tiredness was affecting my ability to function physically during the day and maybe even my mind somewhat. I felt just plain...well, old.

Knowing that I do not shake things that I am picking up from another person, particularly one I am around often, my husband suggested that it was coming from Jamie. I did not want to accept this, but I knew it was true. Jamie was barely holding his weight; he had lost muscle tone as old cats do and I could feel most every bone in his body. My husband began talking to me about it being his time and I would say not yet, but this last week, I began feeling a change, like Jamie's health was about to take a turn and worsen quickly. Although, this morning he seemed the same as he has for the last few months in energy and mobility, I still felt there was a change that we had not yet seen. We had made the appointment with the vet for this afternoon, but I was still hoping that I would feel differently before then.

My daughter asked about having the vet look him over and maybe give him medicine, but some days he could barely digest food without problems; I just knew that giving any kind of medicine would probably do more bad than good for him at that point. The vet's assistant said as much considering his age without our prompting.

Jamie has never been good at traveling in cars. The trip to the vet was one of his worse experiences and he was quite a mess when we arrived. We cleaned him up and wrapped in a towel holding him like a baby, I entered the office. Jamie in his younger days would have been protesting and fighting me all the way, but today he just let me hold him without a struggle or a sound.

It is very difficult to say good-bye to a furry friend that has been with you for nearly two decades, but I just kept musing how only a cat that annoying could live so long and I hope that heaven is ready for him! I picked Jamie at an organization called Friends of Strays in Florida. He was half-grown and caught my attention with his personality when he picked up my husband's keys and began to walk off with them as if he owned them. When he came home with us, he decided he owned me and he was very demanding of my attention when he wanted it, which was always when it was the least convenient time for me.

When I did not drop everything as he wanted or did not allow him on my lap, he would do something right in front of me that he knew I would not allow, like jumping on top of the hutch of my desk, or messing with papers on my husband's desk or walking on the kitchen counters or the dining table. I would yell at him telling him to come to me, which he would do with this vocal protesting all the way--sometimes across the entire room--that was reserved strictly for this ritual. He then would jump into my lap and I would scold him, sometimes even giving him a few pats on the rear end. During this whole routine he would purr and I think he even smiled, because now he was exactly where he wanted to be and would snuggle up in my lap.

Jamie was no dummy.

Jamie loved those little mice covered with rabbit fur that rattled. He would chew off their rabbit fur tails. He would fetch the tailless mice when I tossed them across the room and bring them back to me. He would play with them by himself if he had to, but he liked an added degree of difficulty, like them being just barely in reach under or behind furniture. I once bought him a bag of twelve mice like this for Christmas only taking one or two out each time because he would lose them. When we could not find any of them I would begin a serious search and I found six under the oven once. However, Jamie has not played with anything that took more effort that a couple of smacks with a front paw for years.

Jamie always barely tolerated children, dogs, and other cats, actually pretty much anything to which I gave my attention other than him, so that list must include computers too. My daughter has a scar right next to the outer corner of her eye; she was toddler when she got that one and thankfully it was a hair's breadth from catching and ripping the corner. She also has three scars on her chest from when she picked him up and he decided he did not want to go downstairs for the night; she was older and feeding him then, but he had not quite warmed up to her. Despite his first impressions of her, the last few years he was sleeping with her until we would take him downstairs to the office in the basement. We did this only because in the morning he would often not bother to make it to the cat box down there and leave us a present on the carpet or even the bed. Oddly, he had always made it to the box for urinating, for which I am thankful.

Jamie had quirky ways. When he was young, he used to run to the front door at the sound of a doorbell and look threatening as if he was a dog, even beating our Collie, Jasmine, who was over friendly to everyone. Jamie would even attack people sometimes, but when our first German Shepherd, Sasha, grew up, he took the alpha position from Jamie and his loud bark would send Jamie cowering to the downstairs. He became leery of strangers at the door from that time on.

Jamie would bother people who did not like cats or were allergic, although most people did not have as much reaction to Jamie as they did other cats. He would check out strangers and their belongings, sniffing purses and sometimes jump in their laps and look at me to see if I was jealous. As soon as I called him over he would come, unless the person did not like cats; he seemed to enjoy torturing them more. If I was doing something so I could not let him be in lap at the time, he would sit on my husband's lap and glare at me until I move in such a way he thought he could squeeze onto my lap. He also had this way of sneaking up slowly as if he did not know that once he stepped on me, I would know he was there no matter how he approached me.

My absolute most terrifyingly favorite thing that Jamie would do, when he was younger and still able to jump great heights, was to jump on me. He would do this if I was standing up talking on the phone and not paying attention to him (when obviously he wanted my full attention). The first time there was no warning, I just suddenly had a cat at my chest sliding down with nails out slicing through clothing and skin. I began to know his body language to recognize what he planned to do and I even used to run away from him until I would let him corner me and then I would catch him in the jump. It saved my skin and I think he like it better too. It have been some years since he stopped this, but he would still stretch up on my legs as if to say he wanted to be up there and I would pick him up.

Jamie also loved to play hide and seek. So did Sasha. The problem I could not play it with the two of them because our 70 pound Sasha would run over poor Jamie, so I would only play hide and seek with Jamie when my husband took Sasha outside. Jamie caught on fast and would look for me as soon as Sasha headed for the door, meowing to beg me to play the game.

We thought Jamie had become completely deaf--maybe he did for a time--he was definitely hard of hearing. It was very easy to startle him these last years without meaning to do so. A startle had become popping his head up from a nap and looking around with wide eyes. This was definitely a more mature method than his younger days when when he would jump at at least a foot straight up from all fours and it was always as much as a surprise to me what would scare him as it was to him. Jamie being surprised was always something would send me into deliciously lasting giggles.

When he was young, he expressed his fear of things by challenging them. His first experience with a vacuum cleaner was beyond comical. Apparently he did not like the noise it made at all and he ran away. Once it was turned off, he slowly approached it, circled it, crouched, gave it two slaps and ran away. He did this several times for the next 30 minutes varying his technique one way or another, sometimes he would run past it with one glancing blow, sometimes he boldly square off and jump at it, and so on. He never did like that vacuum cleaner.

I have always told people Jamie was the most annoying cat I ever had and he was the longest living also. It is amazing how big a hole in my life a furry annoying thing can leave when absent.

Jamie, vibrant at age 9, on my lap, where he always wanted to be.

~ Thank you, my Lord, for bringing Jamie into my life. Thank you for protecting my daughter from his jealousy and teaching her that she can change a heart set against her with her love. Thank you for a husband, who is more of a dog person, caring and loving this cat. Thank you for the laughs, the hugs, and even the scratches. Thank you for keeping him for me. ~

Change, Changed, and Changing Continuously

The 3 C’s of life: choices, chances and changes - You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change. ~Unknown

Many things have changed in the past year. I could pick a number of subjects that would be fitting under the above title, but what has changed the most is me...internally. I realized some time ago that I have been oppressed by "religion" for years. I am not blaming the church(es) here or even the area being in the Bible Belt, which is heavily controlled by Southern Baptists, although these factors were encouraging influences--in their discouraging ways. I blame myself.

When I began to to seriously prepare for homeschooling, I read many books on the subject and I was drawn to the Classical approach to homeschooling. This method was championed in several writings,  most authored by Christians, very traditional, even legalistic. They made me feel that I had been an inadequate Christian. One book even stated that while using the Classical model of homeschooling they advocated, they gave strong warnings about reading anything of Greek or Latin polytheism that saturated Classical writings often modeled for grammar analysis and imitation. I wavered back and forth on this in my mind because I could not imagine understanding any other culture excluding their religious beliefs, but I avoided such writings while my daughter was young just because that was what I believed was the more Christian route.

Although I shunned skirt-only churches, that is what I wore to every Sunday morning church service and how I dressed my daughter as well. I favored long denim dresses and skirts, loose fitting long dresses, and comfortable flat sandals or boots. The tops I wore the most were white with an old fashion flare, puffed sleeves and slight tapering at the waist. Always there was a plain white or off-white cardigan accompanying me as I would get chilled in air conditioning or in the winter. A true Southern tradition, the Princess also wore hats at every service, but I only did now and then. Why did I not just go to a skirt-only church? Well, it is one thing to choose to wear a dress and quite another for it to be expected of me.

I expected enough from myself: I was being Christian mother homeschooling her daughter and raising her "right."

It was not that I feel these things were wrong to do. I am sure most all of it was the right thing to do at that time. It was a season in my life and I enjoyed it as it was...but something about it lingered with an oppressing of my spirit, perhaps even souring my heart.

About three years ago I felt tugs to break away from the "me" I had created. It probably was stirring in my heart even before that, but when I was asked to be the praise leader at our old church, that is when I began emerging from my self-made cocoon. The opposition against the songs I was being given by the Lord from others in the church was heartbreaking, but the confirmations and encouragements from the Lord were unmistakeable. It did not last but five months before we felt called to leave and I was so ready for something else: A living worship experience where my daughter could witness the wonders of God's love and grace through miracles and healings taking place right in our midst. I wanted her to know God is not just Someone far away that we pray at, but that He was close, so very close, as the softest whisper, and His presence is not something hidden from us.

Going to the church that we recently left is where I began to deal with my heart and it was healed. Another season, its purpose served. When we left there, I began to deal with my mind, attitude actually...those things you say to yourself in your head. I was constantly feeling overwhelmed and I heard way too much "I cannot do's" and quite a few (when I was being honest) "I don't want to do's" with just a touch of depression in the undercurrent. I would be alarmed if my daughter talk that way to herself! I finally decided that if I did not have anything good and encouraging to say to myself...I should just shut up.

The silence was filled with God's words. His good. His encouragement.

I began doing things that I had told myself that I cannot do or that I did not want to do, without resistance, sabotage, or dread. What seemed to be too much work before to me or would take too much time, just started to seem easy and fit into my day without stress. What did not fit or got bumped out would be there tomorrow or even the next day. I did not become frozen with feelings of being overwhelmed.

There was so much freedom in that. Every day has its possibilities. It was one thing to know that in my head, quite another to feel that in my heart.

What do I wear these days? Well, I think am done with my version of dowdy. I now have a leopard print soft fuzzy jacket and a lovely sage colored purse and various colorful versions of my love bracelets! I shop at Goodwill regularly looking for fun clothes and when I find some that fit and are not too scratchy or worn, I buy them. I have more color in my closet these days, including black which I avoided for years, although I am still partial to my jeans.

I think God just might be smiling at His butterfly.

~ My Lord, You are a most wondrous God, ever so close even when I have turned away. Thank you for Your patient guidance of my stubborn heart. ~

New Year, New Beginnings

Each new day is a new beginning-
to learn more about ourselves
to care more about others,
to laugh more than we did,
to accomplish more than we thought we could,
and be more than we were before.

~Unknown

 

A new year has come with new beginnings. I cannot believe this is my first post in 2015. More so, I cannot believe it has been two months since my last post. In part, it has been our schedules. In part, it just has been a lesser priority. My focus has been on my home, homeschooling, and finding a church. Yes, we are still looking...but I feel that we have been led to one, finally. The one we had gone to through the holidays was more traditional in service with contemporary music, but the pastor did not believe in the gift of healing and I just felt that I would be in the same situation I had been for so many years previously in that church.

We have only visited three Sundays to this latest one, but it is more of which we all are seeking. We learned of it through my daughter's best friend in our neighborhood. She is the youngest of eight, five years younger than the next youngest, her brother, and also homeschooled. Years ago when my daughter was just turning five, her best friend (of the same name) was no longer available to her. (That is one of those long stories that would take more time than I have to commit presently. Let's just say the mother had an major issue with a Word of Knowledge I was given about her unborn child, so she asked me never to contact her again.) I was seeking a new friend in the neighborhood for my daughter. The girl was two years younger than my daughter, but I cannot see their house from mine, so I hoped that I could meet the mother and watch over our children playing together. She agreed initially, but later called me back telling me that she simply did not have the time. Understandably, still homeschooling five or six children, but I was heartbroken for my daughter.

A few years later that same child became my daughter's best friend. Although there is two year difference in their ages, they are the same height and wear about the same size shoes. They used to have about the same build, but my daughter, still slender, has matured in her figure, while her friend is quite thin. Now the mother prefers my daughter because the girls play quietly together and my daughter, who loves playing with even younger children, does not play head games that is so common with her age. I think they would adopt her!

This same family have been very involved with their church. The father was in the children's ministry. They had obligations, but the last few years, they were very displeased with an event that the youth was doing at Halloween. Like us, they do not celebrate that day. The youth had been hosting an event using a scare tactic about hell. I know this can have a profound effect on some, but I would not be interested in doing it if I was a youth leader. In addition, her youngest has serious issues with being scared which has improved some with age, but she has not completely conquered it.

So, after they gave notice to be released from their obligation, they began looking for a church also. They tried the one we ended up leaving and they felt there was something not quite right there, before I mentioned that we were thinking of leaving ourselves. They finally settled on a church just a mile from the one they had been for some many years. One of their sons is the youth praise and worship leader there or something like that.

This church sings praise songs we do not know yet, many written by themselves, but easy to follow after a verse or two. The pastor has a cleaner, more to the point, and uplifting delivery in his sermons. One of the things I really like is that every Monday evening, they have a "Healing Room" open for a couple of hours where anyone can come at any time. The woman that runs it was trained by Rhema. (I am sure that peaks the interest of a friend of mine.) They also had healing services last weekend and I wanted to go on Saturday night, but I was feeling a bit too weak—I have been fasting since the first week in January. I will be visiting the Healing Room soon though, because I have a nagging issue I have asked the Lord to heal for a few years.

~ My Lord, thank you for Your guidance. Give us clear signs showing us where You wish for us to be. ~

Seeking a Church Family

The church is the great lost and found department. ~Robert Short

Choosing a church home for us has never really been about choosing a convenient place to worship God or based on the activities that would be beneficial to us. For us, it is choosing a family. We have been members at five churches since we moved to this area yet, I feel that we have not really had a church family since we moved from our our Florida church seventeen years ago. We were led by God to certain churches for varying reasons and seasons, but as soon as we left, whether quietly or with good-byes, only two of the members of those former churches ever contacted us just to say something simple like "I miss you" (and one of them left to join the church we did a few months later). Perhaps we just did not make that much of an impact on their lives....

In truth, that may have been part of the problem, but the other part is that they did not make a real effort be an impact on ours either. In fact, most of them resisted or were just too busy when asked to join us for a meal. We made very good friends at a church we had gone to for four years and they followed us to the last one we went as I mentioned previously. That family will most likely stay there as it is rather convenient for them being just a few minutes from their house, which is not close to anything, and they like the church. However, I always felt that we found that church and stayed there for a time to settle them into it, because it was God's will for them at this time to be there, but I never really felt it was the place that we were meant to be for very long. I really hoped I was wrong about that temporary part, because I like sitting with them and talking with them before and after the service and I was very concerned about how our friendship would be affected. But, here we are...again, looking for a church, a family.

This time, however, we do have certain things we need from the church. Our daughter needs to be involved with the praise and worship team and play piano or even another instrument with the band. She needs this experience to develop the skill of playing with other instruments and backing up singers. She also needs a youth group that will challenger her to grow spiritually and be her sisters and brothers. She has very good parents who do this, I believe, but she needs to have support coming from other directions as well at this point in her life. This time we are specifically looking in these areas of the church to see if it has the potential to meet these needs for her as we both feel strongly led to do.

As for my husband and I, we would like a family. People who actually do impact our lives. People we would miss if they were no longer around and people who would miss us if we were no longer around. People who really share and care, not "the only when we are at church" dump then jump. People who challenge us to grow spiritually inwardly yet actually do things to help others outside of the church. I do not expect perfection; if the church was perfect, it would have no room for us. I would like a place where some of the people that inspired me to want to be a better Christian and that I would do the same for some them.

The church we left is one that I would still like to visit now and then. We did visit it a few weeks ago. I like the positive message, but honestly even that day it was the same message we have heard for a year and a half, just the angle changes: freedom from bondage, be the church outside the church, use your gifts. Great message, but it is basically the same thing every Sunday and it was great for the first six months because we needed it so much, I suppose, but now it just seems stagnant. It is as if outside world has no impact on the church and, sadly, visa versa. My husband who has Israeli friends was so sensitive to the fact that the pastor did not lead us in prayer for Israel's protection as missiles rained on it not that long ago.

We visited one of the churches recommended by the siding guy--that sounds weirder than it was, but if you read my previous post you get it. Anyway, it is about as far as the last one in a different direction. It is smallish but has just gone to two services each Sunday. We got there earlier than we meant to, but that gave us plenty of time to meet people. First impression, this church has hospitality. We were met with a wonderful aroma the moment we walked into the front door. The decor was exquisite. Orange walls with chartreuse and black accents; thoughtfully simple yet obvious and friendly, as if it this place was loved. The sanctuary was unfinished with a cement floor and all the inwards of a metal building showing, but even there I saw touches of love. Off to the side of the sanctuary was a large room filled with--are you ready for this?--coffee, hot water for tea, hot cider, iced tea, cold lemonade, all kinds of donuts and even a few bangles with cream cheese available. Now this kind of stuff is not necessary, of course, but I was thankful because we left in a rush and I had not had breakfast...and I felt that someone cared enough about me, and all the people who would be coming that day, to provide this hospitality. Yes, I felt at home...and loved.

After talking with a few people, I lost track of my daughter, but I heard her playing one of her recital pieces on the keyboard, a showy piece that requires her to play with one hand over the other several times. She told me that after they dropped their jaws, the man who asked her to play turned to the other man and said he was fired. One man who plays the bass guitar is in a band and sometimes cannot be there. On those Sundays, the keyboardist plays the bass guitar and they have no one on the keyboard--yes, they would love to have my daughter join the group.

Next Sunday is the men's meeting before service at a BBQ restaurant. The wives often eat breakfast so that they do not have to use two vehicles to get to church. We are planning on it but then it would make a very long time at the church; after the second service, they are having a newcomers lunch where they discuss the doctrine of the church, which I would expect leans or is completely Baptist even though it is not in the name. They are a planted church sponsored by a huge Baptist church not that far away. The pastor has a doctorate in theology, which is probably part of the reason his sermons are framed in the traditional way, but certainly more in depth Biblical teaching than we have had at the previous church. The music is contemporary and not as much the top popular songs as our last church, but also more worshipful and respectful--not as much staging and hyping up. The membership, we were told, is around 150, but we did not stay for the second service to see for ourselves. The youth group is in a rebuilding stage as they had quite a few graduates this year, so that can be good or bad depending on how it goes for the Princess.

Will this be our new church family? I have pretty good feelings so far.

~ My Lord, please let us see clearly the path You already prepared for us in finding our new church home. ~

This Must Be a God Thing

God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him. ~Jim Elliot

Some would say it is a coincidence, but I would say it must be God. It all started with me posting... well, actually, it started before that....

Hmm.

How does one get from changing phones to finding a reputable siding company to confirmation of home church concerns?

I guess the very first thing that put this into motion was that our wireless phone system was not doing its job very well anymore. You see, I like having my hands free when I talk on the phone, so I always use a headset. Most of the time, I talk while doing quiet, mind numbing tasks that have no favor with me, like folding and putting away laundry or dusting...these are extremely boring, need-no-thought tasks that I found go so much faster and are far more enjoyable when I am talking on the phone.

Now the problem was that the phone system, being older, was not doing well with all the other wireless technology we have added. A few years ago, we had changed from a land line to a VOIP, which took care of the line static that was quite annoying and made it difficult for both parties to hear each other. The VOIP was very quiet, however as time went on the signal between the base and the phone being used was breaking up in more areas of our home, so that there were few zones with a clear signal for a conversation. One of the worse zones is where I fold my laundry and go to talk in solitude. After a couple of years dealing with this difficulty, my husband and I seriously began considering changing over to completely cellular even though it would be a greater monthly expense.

I did have a cellular phone--a prepaid flip phone that usually cost me only $50 a year, because I just did not use it much--so we decided to keep that plan and get a new flip phone for our daughter. It is not hers, per se, but rather the one we allow her to use when we are apart. I looked at phones a few months before choosing my smart phone: Samsung Galaxy 5. I had not had a fully functioning smart phone before, but my husband assured me that once I picked the phone I really wanted, I would love it...and I really do love it. It is like my Kindle with more and I can access the Internet from anywhere, which I rarely do but that feature has come in handy a time or two. What an amazing feat in technology! It is great for picture taking and then I can send the photo immediately. You might be rolling your eyes here and I know others have been doing this for awhile, but I only had a flip phone before. The downside is that I have had to get use to taking my phone with me everywhere or placing it near me even in the house, which was new. I have willing tethered myself to this small bit of technology; owned by it as much as I own it. Now on any given moment of the day, I find myself moving my laptop with my Kindle and Galaxy also in tow. So it goes with technology enslavement!

After the phone switch, we then had an unused three-phone, two-line wireless phone system I bought when I had a home business and needed the second line, although I had not used the second line feature in nine years. I listed the phone system on Craigslist for a very reasonable price and got a good bite within a day.

I met with the woman to make the transaction with the three phones, head set, and manual (yeah, I do keep everything) and tell her about the one phone, which was used more than the others, might need a new battery as it is functioning but quirky at times. She was far more interested in the intercom workings because she is going to use it in her business...which originally was a roofing company but with her partner it has added siding, windows, gutters, and more. Just what we need to fix our home. The company has her father's name, but he retired giving half of his business to his daughter and the other half to a young man who was a developer that he hired years ago--not sold, gave. I was impressed when she told me that they never do anything on credit in their company. We used to see their billboards in the area with their name, but her father told them that Jesus was the only advertising they needed, so no more billboards. That impressed me even more and since then God has blessed them so they have been busier than ever.

I asked to set up a time to get an estimate because we probably have just under half of what we need to have the work done and I have a very good feeling about this company. When the partner came to talk with both my husband and me about what we wanted to have done, we were pleased the quality of the products he uses and his candor, but we are still cautious having been burned so badly the last time we had such major work done.

As we talked, the conversation somehow turned to churches. We told him that we might be looking again for another. This man also has a Christian band and has lived in the area all his life so he gave us referrals of churches that might be more encouraging of getting the Princess involved with music. We also mentioned that we were having issues with "Encounter." It was not until then that he told us his sister used to go to our church and she left over that same thing. There is such tremendous pressure and secretiveness encircling Encounter that it just did not feel right to her.

That was confirmation I had been praying about for sometime. I had been questioning myself, wondering if I was making this more of an issue than it is because when I am sitting in this church, I  cannot help but feel like they (all the ones who have been to Encounter) think I am second-hand Christian. I cannot see how anyone can feel like he belongs in this church without having been to Encounter. Also, I have noticed over the months that a few people are missing who used to go every Sunday and I thought maybe they were going to the later service or to the other campus, but we have had a few services with everyone together and I still have not seen these people. I know that a few did not have any Internet access and it is frustrating how heavily the church relies on Facebook. Honestly, I do not know why these people are no longer coming, but it seems it started a few months ago with the push for the last Encounter.

I also want to say that I do not feel Encounter is a bad thing, I just still feel no leading from my Lord to go to it and I am concerned about what I am seeing, how such importance is being placed on it within the church...actually the many churches that embracing this across the country. There is good that comes from it for many people (we don't know exactly what because they are told not to talk about it to people who have not been to it--the outsiders that they do not call "outsiders") but there is also division and an undercurrent of judging to which they would never admit...and tactful, but ever persistant urgings that all this would go away for us if we would just go to Encounter. Yet, this is not a good reason to go.

~ My Lord, thank you for your answers to prayer about getting our house fixed and about concerns we have had with our church. Please guide our steps and have us follow You closely as decisions are made. ~

Love Bracelets

Beauty... is the shadow of God on the universe.
~Gabriela Mistral, Desolacíon

While I was beautifying my gardens in the mornings and on cool days and some evenings, I was secretly starting a business in afternoons, during bad weather, and other evenings. Remember My Love Bracelet? Well, I really loved those beaded charm bracelets so much that I toyed around with the idea for months and then I finally justified my desires with the concept that it would be a very good opportunity to teach my daughter about entrepreneurship.

The Princess had been having fun making the Rainbow Loom bracelets that so many of her friends were also making and she talked of selling her creations but the problem is that so many girls are making them that there is no market. I tried to help her understand the concept of supply and demand in marketing. It is fine for her to enjoy making the rubber band bracelets and she even came up with a few of her own designs! However, it was probably always going to be a hobby, rather than a means to make a bit of coin.

With her desire to create things to sell and make some money...and the fact that we were both into bracelets...and that the beaded charm bracelets were so much like the expensive Pandora bracelets but could be sold at a fraction of the price--Imagine the cost of a completed bracelet matching or being less the cost of just one Pandora bead!--I knew that many of the women in my area would love to have one (or two or three). Then they would also love get some for friends and family as gifts because they really are quite lovely, fun, and affordable.

So, I began looking into sources for good quality glass beads, charms, and bracelets. My bracelets and charms are not sterling silver, but they are lead and nickel free, which was important to me because I am allergic to nickel. After making a few bracelets that I personally liked, just in case I would not sell any, I just matched what I was wearing whenever I went out and interest just happened...except it seemed that everyone wanted colors I did not have at the time so, of course, I had to order more beads, then it was some wanted more bling, and then...you get the picture. In testing the market, we found that the prospects look promising and, hopefully, the Princess is beginning to understand  how to create a market because that people tend to want what they see and do not yet have.

I can spend hours looking at beads and charms to buy and more hours playing with combinations of them. It even surprises me how much I am enjoying this!

I spent several days with the camera and lighting equipment I had on hand testing how to take the best photographs of these beaded beauties. Above is one I call "You Need a Little Christmas." Then I posted them on Pinterest under the name of Miss T. Treasures and I have a few more to post yet too. So, you can see I now have a wide variety, but the cool thing, besides I can wear any as my favorite for the day (which is difficult to choose and so very, very nice!), is that everyone can personalize her own bracelet. I have made some that might be close to what a person would like and then it is just a matter of getting the right bracelet size and switching out a few beads and charms they do not like want for the ones they do. I am not planning to do this as an online business, presently, but who knows? I just think the bracelets sell themselves better in person.

So many bare wrists and so few bracelets!

~ Thank you, my Lord, for giving us the gift of creating and enjoying things of beauty. Please bless this little business. ~

How Does My Garden Grow - Part 3

I like gardening - it's a place where I find myself when I need to lose myself. ~Alice Sebold

I have quite a few areas left to work on. The upper front garden, as I mentioned in my last post, is not done, but this is the one I focused on next, the blueberry bush garden which is on the south side and gets the most sun of all the gardens. I took this picture late in the day. I can only work in this garden early in the morning or late in the day to avoid sunburns and the heat. You can see I have the back stuff under the mulch that helps keeps the weeds under control, but nature finds a way, if you turn your back on it! Actually, nearly all the garden areas looked similar to this until I worked them, I was just too ashamed to even take the pictures to show the transformation. I decided that I should show at a least one...but it still makes me cringe.

This garden has been edged with a variegated liriope that is the spreading rather than clumping type, which means that it spreads just like the grass that has infiltrated it. Such a messy garden! I decided to take it all out and maybe edge with a clumping liriope, separating the plants I have on hand in hopes that they will tolerate the sunlight.

Now in the next picture below, you will see, at the front of this garden, the stump of a ornamental cherry tree that we cut down because it was diseased. We used several treatments to kill the stump and roots, but as diseased as it was, the thing took years to completely die. After it finally did, fire ants decided that they would like to make a home around it. I would get rid of one batch and another would move in! So, there the fire-ant-wooing stump sat in the garden that was larger than I needed it to be and I would like to make smaller with the edge going right where the stump was and I decided enough was enough with the ants--I needed to remove the stump! I treated the ant hill and I talked about the stump with my husband the night before. He had been doing his own projects and so the gardening has been mine alone, even the Princess would not work in the heat.

Here is my garden in the embarrassing stage:

The next morning, it was cloudy and a bit cooler, and the ant hill was dead. My husband was working on the van because it was making a strange sound he could not find (which took most of the day for the mechanic to find the source but only ended up costing us a bit over $300 thankfully), so when I came outside to work in the garden and found the axe stuck in the stump, I thought he put it there for me to use...but my Prince Charming saw me pitifully hacking away and yelled, "That's not for you. Do you want to be able to go tubing tomorrow?" Okay, so why was it left there all by itself? (By the way, our friends changed the tubing trip to a swimming one at a park because of a church meeting and public school starting the next day, but we took our new tubes bought at a close-out store with us.) May I say that my husband is impressive when he is using an axe! The stump was out in less  than 30 minutes.

On my part, I first dug out about a third of liriope stuffed their bareroots in four plastic pots with a sign "Free Plants" by the road. Someone did take them. Good luck with them, I say. I still had more than I could ever want, but I am thankful for when I planted them, I only had a few and separated them a few times to fill in. They tolerated the four-year drought and poor soil when I lost so many plants, but at this point I have tired of their meandering ways and friendliness with the grass and weeds.

What is it with grass, anyway? It grows where you don't want it and doesn't grow where you do. This garden has a rock edging, but not enough to go all the way around, which is one of the reasons I wanted to make it smaller, so that meant I would have to move all the rock edging. I found grass had forged its way not just between the rocks but under them also, but then so had the liriope in the opposite direction. To avoid using chemicals, I ended up taking apart the entire garden, digging up all the roots under the old black sheeting, removing a rosemary bush that I never really liked there, laying down new black sheeting, and refitting the rocks with black sheets with an extra line of black sheeting under them also. If you have ever done a rock edge like this one, so that the rocks fit together with the smallest of gaps, you know what a job it is. It took me several mornings to do just this one patch of ground and the weather was particularly hot during this time even in the early morning.

Still ugly in the above picture, but now weed and grass free! I got all the rocks how I wanted them, but there is still a gap in the front as I knew there would be, so I had a plan. I divided and planted some of the liriope that clumps and makes a nice border as a test to see if they can take the sun, before I edge the entire garden area with them. The garden bed is a bit smaller, using less mulch, looking a bit sparse with just three blueberry bushes currently--well, the jury is still out about the middle one making it. I have also used this garden for planting watermelons and pumpkins as it does not bother me if the vines over flow but this year I knew I had to rework the entire thing so I did not plant any vines.

So I have done about all I am going to do with the gardens for now...maybe...well, there is always something to do and I want to finish planting the liriope edging behind the rocks on the garden on the left in this picture, but I had to wait until today because I treated yet another fire ant hill and I should be able to work the area now.

Then I need switch gears. I already put some clothing in our first consignment sale which I will be picking up the leftovers today and listing what is left for the next one this week. I am going to be consignment sale shopping one day this week with my friend and her daughter's former teacher, a fellow church member who has taken the year off for maternity purposes. I also need to begin planning our homeschool curriculum and I do have some other things I am excited about that I will be posting here soon.

~ My Lord, thank you for a summer of gardening, for the break I so much needed. Now that I am refreshed emotionally, my Lord, help me to bring my focus on educating my child.~

How Does My Garden Grow - Part 2

I grow plants for many reasons: to please my eye or to please my soul, to challenge the elements or to challenge my patience, for novelty or for nostalgia, but mostly for the joy in seeing them grow. ~David Hobson

As you will see, my herb garden in the back was not the only big change. My husband and I decided to kill off all the ivy in our backyard because entwined among the lovely English Ivy is Poison Ivy. I have tried to kill off the later without harming the former for a couple of years, while trying to avoid the itchy rashes. I have to confess that I never really had much of a reaction to Poison Ivy until we moved to Georgia and now the times I get it the most is from the outside cats. Poison Ivy does not bother animals, just people. I wish I had some goats or horses, as they can eat it. Anyway, it just has to go!

So, to prepare for the burnout and clearing of the wooded areas, I moved all my shade loving plants that had survived the vinca take-over in my back shade garden to the front. I also cleared out the bushes. which were more of a clumping plant than bush, that the former owners left under the deck stairs that I never warmed up to and all the weeds to plant clippings of the vinca since it is a filling vine that does not climb. While doing all this I made sure that the soil was mounded around the foundation so that the water would drain away from the house. We do not have any foundation problems but the gutter system is inadequate in certain areas which we will address when the house gets resided and we replace the gutter system adding a few more downspouts and water barrels.

I moved some hostas that were doing not really growing from the front garden, probably too shady, so that I could complete the border with the variegated type, and planted them in the back around the crepe myrtle tree. This area will all green up over a few months even in the winter.

Here are some views of the front gardens. (Normally there is not a wheelbarrow in the background.)

Coming up the walk from the driveway there is variegated vinca on the left, which is still not completely filled in; they would have liked more rain than we have been getting. I love ferns, but the few I had were hidden in the back shade garden. I began wondering why I never thought about ferns in the front. I decided that the front garden is shady enough to put the shade loving plants where I can really enjoy their beauty, so on the left between the liriope and the rocks are Lady ferns, and they are loving where they are. The edging plants above the rocks are variegated hostas that divided from a few that I had that covered about a fourth of the way previously and spread them out so that they cover the entire top edge...a least to the place where the sun would be too much for them. I still have some work to do behind the hostas in the upper tier, but that may not get done until next spring when I can see where the tulips and daffodils are and move them closer to the outer edge and allow the azaleas to grow around the trunk of the oak tree.

On the right lowest level on the right as you look up the walk is the English Ivy clippings from the back yard that I just planted. My black-eyed Susans are very hardy and often have to be clipped back, but the cats like to hide and nap in them. Between them and the house I transplanted some large orange lillies that were further down the walk and used to crowd around a half-barrel planter that I removed--well, I moved it and it fell apart so... it is now gone.

In the background, closer to the house is where I like to plant cucumber vines, just because I can keep my eye on them easier and they do not get as stressed out from the sun. In front of them, I planted tiara hostas, my favorite hosta, rescued from the back shade garden. I barely found them straggled in among the vinca. This may not be the final place for them, it is just I had nothing to put there and I needed to put them somewhere. Hopefully, they will thrive.

The middle tier on the right used to have a bush that we took out a couple of years ago so it has been basically neglected until this year. I separated some of the Liriope that edges the left side to make an edging on the right as well and then filled that area with the silvery wormwood, purple sweet potato vine, Sweet Annie at top and two highly contrasting annuals. This is how it looked when I first planted it.

This is how it looks now, just a few weeks later. I am hoping the wormwood survives the winter.

Back to the left side...
 

Are you seeing my half barrel fountain? I would like to get something a bit more decorative, but the most important part is hearing it as you can up the walk or I come out the door. It has a calming babble and cooling effect that invites me into the gardens...and then to gardening.

 This is the view from the other side.

How inviting is this? Lilies of the valley line the right of the stepping stones. I love their scent in the spring!

I also found what I think is a wild ginger with very pretty heart-shaped leaves outside of the shade garden all by itself, not the typical ginger I have seen around here. I decided I would move it also, because it was just pretty.

I dug around for the shamrock rhizomes I had planted in the shade garden. The green ones had died out and I only saw a few purple about ground, which have a delicate pink flower when they bloom, but I found plenty of the rhizomes underneath so I moved them to the front yard also. They are definitely liking the new spot among Japanese painted ferns, asparagus ferns (not really a fern but adds a delicate texture), and a bleeding heart plant that also never thrived in the back shade garden.

As I looked over my "new" garden I noticed that I had most used the colors of greens with varying textures and purples, my very favorite garden colors. Maybe that is why I smile when I walk out the front door now!

~ Thank you, my Lord, for the beauty I was able to bring into my life through my gardens and for the ability to work hard, building muscle while being productive. ~