In Between

Nothing that is can pause or stay; The moon will wax, the moon will wane, The mist and cloud will turn to rain, The rain to mist and cloud again, Tomorrow be today. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have been consumed with learning the rabbit world: the who's whos, the standard of perfection, how critical people are, the Facebook rabbit drama (that probably make the rabbits laugh at the humans), how to navigate sanctioning and entering shows, preparing for shows, and breeding the rabbits around those schedules. There is a lot to it all that I am not going to be writing about it here because I have a rabbitry blog for all of that.

This morning I woke early as I customarily do, so it was still dark. I decided to finish some updates on some rabbitry records I had started a couple of days ago. It is Sunday, so we should be going to church, but we are again between churches....

My daughter was claimed by a friend, a boy with whom she had been friends for about three years but who also thought of her as more than a friend and began threatening other friends of hers that were boys. We thought we had reached an understanding between the families and the church leaders, but my daughter had become a bit paranoid because of it and did not want anything to do with the boy, whose father is involved with services there. We decided that we would need to find another church and even though the Princess is involved with the youth program at one, we are not entirely comfortable there either.

So, for most of the summer, we have been discouraged about going to services although we have sporadically. Today, my husband's back is in knots, probably due to a very stressful couple of weeks with work, and I have a rash from unknown causes that is making me uncomfortable with wearing anything binding against it as is usual for a woman. My daughter may go to church with a friend.

Such an odd time of life...watching my daughter become an adult and hoping she makes good decisions, but she had made several recently that have pleased us as her parents. She was always yours, my Lord, and I hope I did my part to helping her understand that she always should seek You.

So, I am just thanking my Lord today for the quiet misty morning that obscures the material world and draws me into a more philosophical and spiritual mindset to just seek Him for myself as well. 

Thank you, my Lord, for bringing me to You.

Flowing Oil

When a Christian tries to live by reason he is moving out of God’s country into the enemy’s land. We belong in the miraculous and the supernatural realm. –John G. Lake

I have heard of many wonderful miracles. I have seen healings where the person being healed said he or she could feel the healing taking place even though it was completely internal and I saw nothing. I have seen people healed of pain, which is a bit more visually obvious to others. I personally have been healed.

You would think I would not doubt God's love, but I do at times...because I am human and human nature is a harsh reality in a world of reality and harshness. We tend to believe what we see and know what is material. While unbelievers would say things like if there is a God, you would think He would make himself known, I see all His creation proclaiming Him—when I want to, that is. Sometimes—probably most times if I am to be honest—when I am sitting at a desk and typing our my thoughts, I see a desk and computer, same as unbelievers see. What I should see...well, what should I see?

God knows. God knows this. God knows this about us. God knows all this about us. God knows all this about all of us.

Yesterday, I saw a miracle. It was one of those miracles that I have have heard about yet never had seen for myself. This miracle started with a little prayer group in a little room in a little gift shop in a little city...just two hours away from my little space. Just a handful of people who prayed, who sought God, who were told to that He would show them something after the inauguration of the President in January. A new Bible of one of those members began to produce oil.

Oil so pure that it is clear and odorless. Thick and yet when placed in the eye or in the mouth it seems to becomes more like a water-based substance. When it began, they thought a grandchild had spilled something on it, When it continued to spread throughout the Bible, they placed it in a plastic bag. When it filled the bag, they placed it in the clear tote. The Bible stays engulfed in the oil that continually replenishes. In fact, God told them that as long as they do not sell the oil and give it away, it will replenish. It has been analyze and they were told it is like mineral oil but not. It is thicker and has properties that no one can explain.

God told them that they were to go out. Even in the sermon, the preacher mention how we are accustomed to say "come." Come to my church. Come to the alter for prayer. But Jesus told his disciples, told us to "go." So, this little group of people have had their lives changed because now they go out transporting a tote with a Bible producing oil to various churches to spread refreshing news about God and His love.

They have only gone where they have been told by God to go and they do not accept invitations. They give the oil freely but differently than when they first started. Weeks ago friends of ours watched quart jars being filled while the oil stayed at the same level. They watched people dipping their hands in it and yet it stayed clear. However, now that so many more people know about this oil, God has told them to just give out small vials. They fill vials on Monday night and send some out as they receive so many requests. They place the Bible in a tote until it fills and then in another. Oil is also dripping down in the prayer room.

One man, who goes to the prayer room on some Mondays, told us that when they open the Bible, each book has a different aroma! Imagine that from an oil with no fragrance.

What is the oil? They describe it as the presence of God, they call it Flowing Oil. To me, it is that and something that I would describe as a purest white light in oil form. It is like...pure love.

The oil will sometimes multiply on a person, usually one gifted with healing, but not always. Some say a small vial has lasted them a long time or would refill! And while the oil is a gift, I think the miracle was a small group of people, who were seeking God in prayer in a little room, being chosen to share this gift. Whenever we think, who are we...whenever I think, who am I is insignificant, I will think on these people, because I want to live in God's natural realm of the miraculous and supernatural.

My Lord, my world is so small, but keep reminding me that it is not insignificant. I was thinking of two friends of mine in particular yesterday. One who is struggling financially and in need of her finances to be replenish like this oil replenishes. Another, who has a very small church, who may be feeling their efforts are rather insignificant, but are not to You. I ask that you bless them both...significantly. Thank you, my Lord.   

The Intolerant Tolerant

The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough. -Bede Jarrett

Where have I been for the last few weeks? I have been home, but my husband has not. This week makes for five in a row although he did come home on the third and fourth weekend. This weekend starts a week long vacation and we all need it!

What have I been doing for the last few weeks (since I have not been blogging)?  Quite a few things but it feels like hardly anything at the same time and that is probably since I spent too much time on a few things that cannot be fixed.

I am so disgusted with a wide range of immoral, unethical, and just plain disrespectful things that are going on in my country right now and those are the things I have been spending too much time on when I have been online.

• Football players kneeling to our National Anthem and Flag so now children are doing it too is one of the latest. I really do not care why they are doing it, it is just wrong and disrespectful to our military, our vets, and all other who serve this country. To top that off, the blacks who are doing it are not considering how their enslaved ancestors, who endured being subservient to all free men and women, would have been appalled that they, who have the freedom to stand in equality, have decided to take a subservient knee. Actually, our founding fathers would have been even more appalled, because they were against kneeling to any man or object; they would only take a subservient knee to God.
• The alphabet crowd that just seem to never have enough letters to fit in every kind of sexual deviancy making more demands about what we all must tolerate.
• Politics and the Anti-Trump crowd, including the media, trying to make him look bad and take him down in any way they can. Enough said there.
• Liberals with their specific agendas are not standing united against conservatives as they did but increasingly they are finding fault with everyone who does not support their agendas, including other liberals. The result: They are now in the process of eating their own! Bernie Sanders bowed out of a speech at the Women's Convention because the women on social media had a fit about a man speaking, apparently they want only women speakers. Black Lives Matter protesters use their free speech rights to shut down an American Civil Liberties Union speech, who is a defender of free speech, with chants, one being that the ACLU defended Hilter (meaning, the ACLU would defend—probably has defended—the free speech rights of any white supremacist). Which all just goes to show what I have known all along: The tolerant only tolerate what they find tolerable and never the intolerable, yet they never see themselves as intolerant. In the end, they tolerate very little, but demand the rest of us to tolerate much.

This world is becoming so wearing on my spirit. 

My Lord, I know it is not as bad as it could get, but that is what bothers me the most...and You, my Sweet Lord, are thought of little in all of this turmoil. Forgive us, forgive me, for that.

A Fork in the Path of My Life

It is not your business to succeed, but to do right; when you have done so, the rest lies with God. -C.S. Lewis

I am sitting here at my computer contemplating....where I am in my life, how to get my house back in order (which is overwhelming me), getting back to homeschooling, keeping my daughter moving on the path I know that the Lord has set before her in this season, but more than all that, I am trying to find my footing as to my own path, which at this time seems to be in service between my daughter and my husband...is that all there is for me? Am I doing what God wishes of me?

Then there is this: My husband and I have come to that place where we see a fork, a place of decision where we must choose to take only one direction in the road of our lives, because we have pretty much ruled out standing in the same place and just looking at the fork. One way is far more predictable in its destination and has been a long time dream of ours, while the other—well, it could wind around to the same destination or go some undiscovered place that we will love more or...to a place we would never hope to go with all kinds of regrets. Actually, the predictable way will have as many regrets because the other way has so much potential and yet-to-be-tried possibilities.

There have been a few—very few and now very precious—times when my husband and I stepped out in faith to do something we thought was completely illogical, far too risky, and quite possibly insane, except we also felt strongly that our Lord was telling us to do it and even though the voices of reason in my brain told me I should worry—and I did—still every time I went to the Lord, I was immediately at peace.

It is the difference between seeing is believing and believing is seeing (or believing in the unseen). In this material world, in our flesh, we look for safety and security, which is a desire at odds with our spirit. Our spiritual part looks to be closer to God, who is the only real safe and secure place to be, and that is its sole goal, except for bringing others closer to God as well. However, we are blind to the spiritual realms; at least, most of us cannot see and feel what is spiritual in the same way, with that same undeniable certainty, as we do what is made of matter. For instance, gravity is a undeniable certainty that everyone recognizes, but many people without the experience think that those of us who claim to hear God are...crazy, because to the unbeliever (or even unbelieving believer) hearing voices in your head is a mental disorder, especially if you think it is God talking to you (rather than except when it is God talking to you). However, developing spiritual senses is difficult and usually involves discomfort (not encouraging feelings of being safe and secure) in the material realm, the thing we try to avoid, but never really do. On the other hand, there is confirmation and manifestation of the spiritual into the material and that is when you see validation of what was believed, as in prophetic words come to pass as well as miracles and healings happen.

Sunday morning, my husband and I walked into our church service. As the praise and worship band started, I stood up and looked over to my husband who was messing with his phone, to turn it off, and waiting for him to stand with me. I had a momentary prayerful thought. You know the type where you simply think, "Lord, I feel a bit lost as to what I am supposed to do...," and you let that just trail off. I was not really expecting an answer, at least not immediately. However, as soon as my husband stood up and I tried to begin to sing, I had to sit down or I would have been on the floor. My Lord, apparently had much to say to me and it was going to be said right then, so I blocked out all the praising that I really wanted to do and just listened.

First, He told me how pleased He was with what we are doing for the Princess. Having her play piano at the restaurants, starting to teach piano, preparing for the competition next year, and even buying the grand. I felt His sweet approval for us all walking on the path open to all opportunities that He had provided for her. And I have noticed some changes in her; she is having less meltdowns and showing more respect and maturity...not all the time, but those few and far between occurrences are becoming more frequent.

Second, was about my husband...that new thing we had been thinking and talking about trying to decide if it really is the direction my Lord wants us to take, the risky one. The one that causes too much of an emotional reaction to be sure I am hearing God clearly. He was telling me that He had prepared the way and He is blessing us. Still, I asked for signs. I asked for three. My husband had asked for two.

My husband's first sign came when he was working out of state last week. One night he woke quite early in the morning and the framework of it all was just pouring out so fast that he actually did a voice recording so he would not forget anything. I would also count that as my first one as well.

My second sign was in that moment during the praise portion of the Sunday service. The third for me and the second for my husband was at the end of the service. Our pastor said he had been praying in tongues for hours throughout the week and he could have easily given everyone there a prophetic word. I remember thinking that he will probably not be calling on us, but he felt led to call out five and we were the fourth ones. As soon as he called our names, I was smiling and in tears. I knew that was going to be it, another sign.

He told us that God has seen all the things we have been doing in secret, things people did not know but that God did, and that He was going to bless us. He included the word "promotion."

My husband and I were particularly quiet as we left until we came home to sit down for lunch. I shared what my Lord had told me and, since the Princess was helping with the children during service, we told her about what the pastor had said. I asked my husband how he interpreted the term "promotion," to which he said that he tried not to think of the way he did but...he saw it as the second of the two signs for which he had asked. (Yeah, it was my third of three, too.) Then I learned during that conversation that my husband had thought I had talked to the pastor about what we were considering. I corrected him saying that I had not said a thing about it to anyone at the church...just one or two long distant friends.

About nine years ago when my husband had lost his job, due to downsizing, and was out of work for the first time in his life, I spent hours on my knees in prayer and many days of fasting asking that he would be able to get a job before the severance pay ran out and I believed that my Lord told me that he would. We had just received the last check when he was called in to interview for a job based solely on his reputation (because even though he had submitted a resume, it was lost in the sea of data because it did not specifically fit the job description, a problem when you are versatile, I guess) and was given it that day. It did not pay as well as we were used to, but it was a job and we did not even have to pay one bill late. Two years later, still having only one vehicle and eking by, we felt the Lord asked us to double our tithe for six months, which was really crazy, because we would have to use up the meager reserves we had and every thing seemed to break, but we had no money to fix anything. On the sixth month my husband was called out of the blue by a recruiter who had come across his resume from three years before when he lost his job. He was offered a better paying job and promised opportunities, but those opportunities never manifested.

What I never told my husband is that when I was spending all that time praying and fasting as he was out of work, my Lord not only told me that he would have a job before we spent the last severance check, but that he would be "like a CEO." But that was about nine years ago and it has not happened at through the last two employers. Now I am thinking that God said "like a CEO," because if He had told me that my husband would be self-employed, I think He knew I would have lost it completely or just never really accepted it. In honesty, we could not have done it then or even all these years later, we simply did not have a safety net of savings, but now...now it is a possibility.

But this is a one time deal, really. It is only because my husband has his inheritance, so if the business does not work out well, all that is gone and we have nothing to work toward our dream of having a small homestead. If instead we buy property and set up a little homestead, at least we will have that, but he will be stuck where he is as to his work. Yet, there is the possibility that we do both: that he has his own business and does so well that we can get the homestead property too, we just may have to wait a bit longer to get there.

There are several customers that request him. They would rather have him do all their work, because he strives to actually fix their machines, tries to save them money, is honest with them, and has good business ethics, besides he is one of the best in technical skills. I am bragging, yes, but it is true that he is the most popular and requested technician among the customers, which is why he travels and works more hours than most of his co-workers.

So, if we are to start a self-employment business, then I will be managing the office, so to speak, which I used to do. I actually was the office manager of a small sailboat manufacturer when I lived in Florida, so I did it all: payroll, buying parts and supplies, accounts payable and receivable, banking, sales receipts, letters, answer phones, make coffee (that I never drank), keep the president on schedule, and just about anything else they asked me to do. As it is, I am taking a guess that if my husband works ten full days a month with the fees he is planning to charge, that should cover all our expenses with a bit to spare, so if he works more than that, we should do well. Also, the company he works for presently also has hired contractors in the past and since customers request him, it would be beneficial for the company to contract him for some jobs as well.

Just a month ago, the company offered a former contracted tech a higher income than my husband makes and that is because they are desperate to hire more techs, even though they treat the ones they have badly and gave them all insulting raises in the spring, not even covering the rise in living expenses for the last three years since their last insulting raises. My husband has brought in about a third of their field techs. Most of those worked under him in another company and respect him. The guys call him when they have a problem, basically, both the men in the field and the manager treat my husband as is he is a field manager, which he was promised again just months ago, but it still has not happened. The stress between his mother's affairs, which are finally settled...mostly, and his job has aged him and he is too worn out to put any effort into starting out on his own right now.

And then there is this: Even though we both think God is guiding us to this, even though we think He has provided the signs, even though we are willing to try this, we do not have that certainty because it is so risky and emotionally charged. However, there is one thing my husband said that we agree on: If that is the path God wants us to take, it will work out.

My Lord, You have led us through some tough times and hard decisions. I trust You will lead us through this one as well and may the outcome be a testimony that glorifies You!

Losing Christianity to Hollywood's New Normal

I tried to fit you in the walls inside my mind.
I try to keep you safely in between the lines.
I try to put you in the box that I've designed.
I try to pull you down so we are eye to eye.
When did I forget that you've always been the king of the world?
~King of the World by Natalie Grant

Two days ago I allowed the Princess to watch Stranger Things on Netflix, which is a sci-fi based thriller and drama series filmed here in Georgia. The Atlanta area has been becoming the southern Hollywood for filming many popular films and series. The second, third, and forth movie of the Hunger Games was done here at least in part, but we are most known for The Walking Dead, which I tried not to like at all but I confess I do, although some parts are far too realistic with the gory violence and, as almost all shows these days, there is at least the suggestion of homosexuality, although there have not been explicit sex scenes thankfully. I particularly like Hershel and his family, who tried to keep their Christian faith throughout the conflict of his family dealing with walking dead and other people.

Typically, zombies and vampires and werewolves and homosexuality are the kinds of things that hold no appeal for me at all. The many facets of imaginings for post apocalyptic worlds though...the worst conditions bringing out the truest human nature, exposing the heart and soul, usually without God or faith involved and the creation of a new normal in created societies of the survivors holds a strange fascination for me. I always remind myself that this is likely how it would be if there was no God or at least if people did not recognize God at all and it seems that mankind has been going in that direction.

I wonder if Christianity is going to be at all recognizable in the next hundred years, actually. Although Christians probably always have done this, it is far more openly practiced today: Christians seem to fit God around them, like a warm blanket to shield them from the cold and cruelty of the world, but not try really fit into Him so they are warm and strong from within Him.

Anyway, while watching the show the Princess immediately recognized a former classmate, Shannon Purser, from the Living Science Homeschool Learning Center. My husband remembered talking with her father on the senior retreat and how her parents had taken her to acting workshops and classes and auditions for years. Stranger Things was the first role she had landed in 2016. Her character was supportive and short lived, literally! She has had two other roles in other shows since then. Shannon has also been honored with a nomination for Best Drama Guest Actress in the 2017 Emmy Awards for her role in Stranger Things.

All sounds great for Shannon, who still identifies herself as a Christian. However, when I read a bit more I found that in April of this year Shannon announced that she is bi-sexual. Her reasoning and probably how she comes "to terms with it and my faith" is found in another quote: “As a person, I’ve always been really passionate about being really inclusive and letting people know that they are loved.”

How do Christians get twisted into thinking loving people inclusively equates to homosexuality being just another form of love is what churns in my spirit! It is written that God is Love, but it is NOT written that love is God. Not all forms of "love" come from God and Christianity spoke out against homosexuality so much that people, even Christians today, could be convinced it was hate speech! But the sin is the sin. God hates the sin...period. God hates all sin, but I think that the sins He hates the most are the ones done in the name of Christianity. If homosexuality is sinful, how can that be reconciled with God (other than confession and repentance, of course)? Just believe it is not sinful even if God says it is? Coming to terms to accept homosexuality is just compromising one's faith to make an allowance for the sin.

The Princess and I had quite a discussion about all this after I looked up what Shannon has openly shared, because she has had a few Christian friends, who are struggling with gender confusion, so she felt the need to defend Shannon. She knew Shannon as a mentor in the Servant Leader program, as was the practice for the school. The Princess felt that we are supposed to love people no matter what...and that is the hook. That is exactly what is used against us. That is why Christians are the bad guys when we point out a sin like this.

I reminded my daughter that I went out of the way to be sure she could have some time with one of her gender confused friends that I had gotten to know and liked from that same school for a few years before I knew about his struggle. I really hated what he was into, what he was thinking he was, and talking about such issues with my daughter, but then I realized he needed her friendship as she would say she did not agree with him and give him good advice about talking with his parents, but did not respond with judgement. The boy was also sensitive for being small for his age, probably from undernourishment. He had been adopted from an orphanage oversees and the children are treated so badly there, but particularly he was because he had a cleft palate and did not get fed enough. I have a friend who knows several parents who have adopted from Russia and she tells me that all the children seem to have seriously identity issues. The horrors of how a godless society treats human beings, even babies, is a reality rather than a make them believe TV show.

However, my point is that here is a young woman, who was raised in a Christian environment, now she is actively encouraging LGBT Christians to speak out. I do not hate her, but feel very sorry for her. She wants to support and be supportive to other Christians in ongoing sexual sin. However, I think this will only compound her sin to add causing a fellow Christian to stumble. The world says if they are consenting adults then it is okay...but is that what God says? People can read the same words in the Bible and twist them to say what they want, but when the Holy Spirit lives in a person, He is not silent when we are going against God. Even as the world is embracing LGBT's more and more, they still have more emotional struggles and a high suicide rate. Yet, who do they blame for those problems? Mostly the Christians who believe in morals. They are promoting a religious communism as if everyone everywhere should compromise their morals to accept homosexuality so then they will no longer have emotional problems.

But the other side of that is if everyone heard and listened to God then we would not have this problem either. The struggle with the flesh is only the physical manifestation of the struggle within the spiritual realms and the soul.

Shannon Purser, I am so sorry that the world has diminished the vastness of God's love to the point that you are trying to fulfill your need to love and be loved with homosexuality, but it is not for you to come "to terms with it and your faith." You already know that they oppose each other unless you change your faith, unless you try to fit God in the walls inside your mind, try to keep God safely in between the lines, try to put God in the box that you've designed, try to pull God down so you are eye to eye, forget that God has always been the King of the world, and that He loves you more than whatever homosexuality could possibly give you.

My Lord, when did we make You so small?

Springing Back to Early Mornings

Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.
-C.S. Lewis

I love the dark in the morning as the quiet light rolls in misting the earth before the dazzling rain of light storms in. It sets my mood better for the day to have this time to think whispering thoughts before my mind thunders with all the necessities of work for the day and my own reflections are muddied or my intended path is washed away with the flood of the bright new day.

For most of my life, I have been an early riser, which means I also go to bed earlier. However, for about the last two years, I have not been. I felt like I lost a bit of myself and I felt a bit lost with God, as I explained in That Something Broken Between God and Me.

Why the change in rising times? I think it was a culmination of many things. My husband is the one to stay up later for his alone time, but he works away from home most of the time and, at that some points, it is almost all the time for many weeks. It wears on me and I tend to sleep later and shorter periods when he is away. To get my mind off of my loneliness, I began to watch some shows through Netflix online at night, real cliffhangers that make one want to series binge into the wee hours, unfortunately I am susceptible to TV addictions like that. Recently, I made a conscious decision to stop watching shows in bed on my computer and that made a huge difference.

My daughter, particularly two years ago, was having sleeping problems so she often was not ready to start her day until mid morning, which made me feel like half the day was over by the time she was ready to do any lessons. So, part of me was trying to allow her to sleep and not be angry about it, which did not work well. Then when things fell completely apart for her in November of 2015, When the Train is on the Wrong Track, I decided that her emotional health had to take priority. We set rules about no screens an hour before bedtime and gave her supplements to help her regulate her sleeping time, which took months to stabilize completely. During that time, for me, it was why bother to get up early and be angry with her every morning, so I just went along to get along, giving in to her schedule thinking that at some point we would get back to where I liked it better.

Basically, I did or allowed everything I could to make me lose myself so I would not feel depressed or angry or think too much of how I felt out of control, which did not really work because under everything was this anger that nothing in my life was going the way I hoped or planned or wanted. I even stopped reading books because I just could not enjoy them! I was just going along to get along but I was not happy. I felt like I had to be responsible for everything and I felt overwhelmed and I was not getting any help, not from my daughter, my husband, my friends, or even my God. Yeah, we all have had poor-me times like that.

I am not one that has to be in control to feel happy or secure, but I do have to be in control when my husband is away and switch gears immediately when he comes back and those gears get a bit rusty at times. When my daughter rolls out of bed later than usual now that she is on a better schedule, I just take a deep breath as I think of all the things I was required to do at her age, like get up at a particular time to get ready for school and be at a job at a particular time and clean my aunt's entire house every week and hand wash dishes every evening. I felt the only way to be marginally happy was to surrender to their schedules and then there was God, whom I was avoiding for other reasons, and so it has felt like my life was just pouring away down a drain without any lasting purpose.

I apologize for the rant. My point is simply, I really have not been the me I want to be or see myself as. In part it was circumstances and the other part was choices, but now I feel more in control of myself again.

Recently I have been going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. It is refreshing. Maybe I am inspired by the spring mornings. I enjoy hearing the birds' sunrise songs. As soon as it is light enough, I am wanting to go outside to work in the gardens or tackle an area of clutter in my house even before that...and there are plenty of areas to tackle!

I am feeling that spring back into my life and far less anger and improving relationships with all my love ones, especially my Lord.

My Lord, I am so thankful that You are a forgiving and loving God.

The Guatemala Mission Trip

Let my heart be broken with the things that break God's heart.
-Bob Pierce, World Vision founder

This is the quilt that my husband bought in Guatemala for me.

I am giving just a sampling of the pictures from the mission trip that my husband and daughter went on. Most of the best ones were taken by the Princess. Everyone warned her not to take out her camera in certain areas, like the airport because it would likely be stolen, and definitely not take pictures of certain places, like the dump, but she did get a few anyway. She not only has the eye of a professional photographer, although not a camera adequate to her talent, but also the heart for it, to tell stories in pictures.

Getting to Guatemala was an ordeal in of itself. The plane tickets were particularly high priced and going up, so the best deal was to rent a van in Atlanta, drive to Tampa, Florida, fly from Tampa to Atlanta—yes, from where they began—and then fly from Atlanta to Guatemala. On the way back they just did not get on the last connecting flight from Atlanta to Tampa. Of course, there was a layover in Tampa so youth and adults were sleeping wherever they could.

On the way from airport to the missionary's house where they stayed most of the time, with one night at a youth camp.

It is a more diverse region than I thought it would be. For instance, there is a large Jewish community there. The first picture below is of the synagogue which could be seen from the youth camp.

The missionary's home was rather nice. Most of the homes in this neighborhood are owned by missionaries who rent to other missionaries, so the family moves often but within this neighborhood.

Arriving at the campgrounds....

At the camp, our kids were with other kids from the area, many training to be leaders in missions or churches. The camp had amazing views, as it is a beautiful country, but the lake is so polluted that no one swims in it. My husband was told that a few million was paid to have it cleaned up, but the man split with the money and did nothing. Very sad.

During the worship times, this building was packed. Guatemalans worship with lots of jumping and dancing. My daughter was participating so she did not take pictures. My husband and I have not yet synced up so I have some of his pictures of the kids.

This was on the campgrounds also. I think it is my favorite because I like pictures of abandoned structures. I always feel that they are filled with mystery and forgotten stories, like I wonder how many have been baptized here?

Another favorite although it is probably not abandoned....

Most of the streets are made of stones.

The group was five teens and four adults. Our church pastor, two youth pastors, and my husband made up the adults. All the adults, but my husband, ended up with tummy troubles on the trip. My husband adds a few drops of food grade hydrogen peroxide to even his bottled water because the extra oxygen fights off germs of all kinds whether from contact, food, or the water. However, they all agreed that the chain fast foods tasted better there than here, particularly McDonald's.

Then they all went to the dump. Seriously, people living there, who have nothing and scavenge, began to build shelters on top of the dump. It is highly unhealthy. Some areas have cemented floors now, but still.... This is the area where the group was warned not to take pictures because of the gangs there. They will steal the camera for its value, or worse because they do not like having their pictures taken. They went there to pray over the people living there. Afterward all their shoes had to be washed or sprayed with disinfectants. Imagine children living in such a place!

One man told my husband that his wife has had three children, but he does not know if they are all his because when a gang decides it time for a boy to become a man, he is expected to rape a woman. My husband also told me of a boy who would not smile but tried to look "tough" in all the photos, because he wanted to be in a gang, probably not knowing all that he would be expected to do, but eventually the boy began joining in on the worship services and he smiled. I hope that he is hearing his Lord speak to his heart.

In contrast to the dump, here are coins that were tossed into a fountain. Perhaps because the people not only have wishes, but they have hope.

My Lord, thank you for keeping the group safe and for my daughter seeing how hard life is for other people.

The Presidential Election

Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. -Romans 13:1-2

I have avoided this subject for the most part. I voted early, not really for the person I wanted, but for the one whom I thought would do the best job and had a chance to win of the ones presented on the ballot. However, since the only one running for which I could have stood up did not win the candidacy, I was able to view the rest of the election with very little bias. I just did not have a dog in the fight, but I had a hope that God would place who He wanted in the Oval Office.

I did stay up to sometime after midnight on election day pretty sure that Trump would be our President-elect in the morning for two reasons, actually because of two swing states: Ohio and Florida. I have lived in both. Ohio can brag that there has only been two times in 30 presidential elections since 1896 when it failed to go with the winner. Once I saw Ohio and Florida was a certainty, I felt it was just a matter of the rest of the country's votes being counted to prove without a doubt that Trump won.

I know that the moderates in the swing states, actually the people who consider themselves to be independent thinkers rather than being loyal to either party, are the ones who determine who will win the electoral votes of their states. I also know that people are angry. There are not enough jobs or opportunities for advancement if one has a job. There are too many people too deeply in debt from a college education that they cannot use. There is far too much red tape and costs to start a small family-operated business. People are coming here illegally for work, while companies are bugging out to remain profitable; it is not sustainable! To those who see these things, all this stuff about Trump's personality flaws can be tolerated, as one tolerates a "rough around the edges" boss as long as he keep the business going so they have paying jobs.

I will not even begin on Hillary because her record is too silent about accomplishments she should have made and too loud about her lack of good judgement with National Security. But, even if all that is pushed completely aside, I honestly think there should be a law that if one of a couple has been the president, then the other should not be eligible to run for the presidency at all, not ever...period. (And I hate the phrase "there aught to be a law" because for the most part we have enough laws, but in some areas not enough enforcement of them.)

With all that said, here is the main thing I wanted to address. I have a friend, who used to be a blogging buddy I dearly cared about as she was one of the sweetest Christian people I have ever known. We have been out of touch because she prefers Facebook and I am not a Facebook fan at all. She also has become rather outspoken politically. I did not really know her stand on politics previously, but I certainly have no doubts now. While I am on the highly conservative side of the spectrum, she is as far left as I am right. I am okay with people having differing opinions. What I have a problem with is when people, who are Christians, will say that they are trusting God about the election and then when their candidate does not win, they use their First Amendment right to say things like "now we reap the whirlwind" and "...many of the foreign students are gathering up their visas and planning to leave the country. GOOD WORK AMERICA!" with the latter being shame-blame sarcasm.

Where is the trust in God in such words? Regardless of who won, I mostly wonder what God has in store. That maybe, just maybe, the Almighty Creator of All had need for His purpose that I cannot understand because my ways are not His ways or maybe I would never really see it because His wisdom is so far beyond my own. How arrogant it is of me to think that I know better than God? And I cannot think of one person in politics that did everything the way I thought he or she should...even the one I really wanted to win in the primaries has said some things that made me cringe, possibly God too, but God can still use anyone to His purpose, right?

I was very much against Obama and it had nothing to do with his skin color, because I have voted in the presidential primaries for two black men and a Hispanic or two in my lifetime and I have voted for women over men when I thought they were the best candidate. However, when Obama won, I did not think the world would come to an end, that all whites automatically would be considered racists or anti-black, or that America and Israel would be ruined, not by him alone, at least, and certainly not without God allowing them to be. I may never really know what God's purpose was or what was accomplished through Obama, but I trust that God is in charge.

So, Christian Americans, whether you are happy, sad, or angry, with the outcome of this election, I have to ask these questions:

Are you really being like Jesus about this? 

Are you really trusting God?

My Lord, I think if we really have Jesus as the leader in our hearts that our opinion of who should or should not be the leader of our country would not matter so much. Jesus lived in a time when Rome controlled what You had given to the Israelites and He did not speak ill against Caesar, the Romans, the soldiers, or even the people that favored Rome even though He was the only Rightful King. Help Your people, all of us, to be like Your Son.

Knowing the Heart

Thousands are deceived into supposing that they have "accepted Christ" as their "personal Savior", who have not first received Him as their LORD. - A. W. Pink

Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I ran into a woman I first met over a decade ago. I will call her Liza here. I met Liza at a health seminar and she was interested in some products that I sold back then. My products were unique and rare, so I usually had to spend time with each person to demo them and train buyers in how to use them. Liza was excited at the prospect of me working with her, but instead she was highly disappointed when I tried to talk her out of it. You see, I knew that one product she wanted would not only require personalized training, but also it would not really help her.

I had consulted with unsaved as well as saved, Christians as well as people of many other religions, such as Jews, Buddhists, Pagans, and some without a definition, as well as agnostics and atheists. All of them benefited as well as the others using the products. BUT from years of experience, I had found that there were people, who seem to only improve a little and barely maintain that. It was not the product that caused this nor did it pick and choose people that would benefit based on their beliefs, but rather it was the people causing their imbalances that would not correct in their health because of what they believed.

These were the people who believed they were Christians, but were not saved. (I can discern this.) Also, in this category were former Christians, who had willfully rejected Christianity. No matter how many different ones I tried to help, they never achieved their goal and only had temporary or subtle improvements and then barely maintain that level. It was so disappointing that after much prayer it was obvious that I needed to be choosier about who would I would agree consult and train. People could still buy the products through my website with detailed instructions, they could even order evaluations, but these were not guarantees that I would help with personalized instructions.

Liza was local so I demonstrated the products to her in person. She was impressed and bought a few of the kind that did not require any training to use. However, she also wanted the product that did. Liza had painful arthritis through her body although she was in her early forties with children in grade school, so it was very hard to tell her that I would rather not sell her the product and even if she bought it, I would not provide personalized instructions. I was praying the entire time that God would give me the words He wanted her to hear. You see, God had already shown me that she really was not a believer, just one who believed she was.

Liza believed absolutely she was a Christian, but she was married to a man that was of another religion. I asked her how that worked in their family and she told me of how they had agreed to go to a Unitarian church. She believed that many religions believed in the same God and could worship together, which was confirmation of what God had already revealed to me. I was surprised by the words that came out of my mouth, because I am not often confrontational, but I had given this situation completely over to God. I heard myself say that I would not work with her because I knew she would not get better, and the reason for that was because she believed she was a Christian and she was not...which I said rather sternly, not the tone I would have chosen in this situation.

I do not think a potential client has ever looked at me quite that way before or since. She walked out obviously in a huff and I just continued to pray for her whenever God brought her to mind and one day I just knew that she had accepted Jesus.

A year later, I saw Liza at another health seminar. She made a point to come up to me afterward in the parking lot. The moment I looked at her face, I could just see it. She glowed. The change in her was so very obvious. I even said to her "there is definitely something different about you." The first thing she told me is that she had become a Christian.

During that year, she became infuriated when a speaker at the Unitarian Church had thrown down the Bible and said they did not need it. She had always been where the scriptures were held in high reverence. She had also begun reading the Left Behind series. Searching God's heart, she began going to an intense Bible study that went through the Bible book by book. One day at the Bible study, she accepted Jesus into her heart.

I smiled and said I could see that (although I already knew)! Then she told me, "But, I want you to know I really thought I was a Christian."

"And God really wanted you to know that you weren't!" (Of that I was certain.)

Then she began to cry. Her husband being a different religion forbade her to talk about Jesus to their children. I cried with her and said that this was what I would have expected with a Christian so unevenly yoked and that I was so sorry for the sorrow she had then because she had become a true believer.

Another year passed and we ran into each other at the health food store. Her marriage had come apart and her relationship with her children was strained, but she still glowed...and Liza had no more arthritic pain at all! You see, her health issue was manifesting from her previous self-deception and that is why nothing she had tried really worked, nor would have mine. I have seen this many times before and since, how a person in deception or living with another in deception, believing they are Christians when they really are not, will heal from his debilitating health condition (some were never clearly diagnosed) after becoming a Christian for real or leaving the one who is not.

I still sometimes doubt myself and I definitely have people around me who doubt it, doubt this gift, but then I remember Liza and a few other people from whom I was given clear confirmation and I just trust my God. So, when people tell me that only God knows a person's heart, I just smile. If God knows then He can make it known to whomever He wishes. He is God after all.

Still, there are people in our churches that talk the talk and even seem to walk the walk, but do not have it in their hearts. They believe they are Christian, really believe it, they are so deceived...but God is not. We do not need to weed them out, but help them come into the fold.

My Lord, thank you for giving me this gift. At times I do not want to use it, but I know You wish me to do so. I need to help You guide the lost into truly accepting You.

Rightness Wrong Done

An image of God doesn’t contain God, in the same way a word about God or a doctrine or a dogma about God isn’t God; it only points to God. -Rob Bell, What We Talk About When We Talk About God: A Special Edition

When I first began reading about homeschooling, while my daughter was an infant, there were two books in particular that intrigued me, one was the first edition of The Well-Tained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home by Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer and the other was Teaching the Trivium: Christian Homeschooling in a Classical Style by Harvey Bluedorn and Laurie Bluedorn. The Well-Tained Mind, being the first one I read, excited me about how the traditional trivium stages of grammar, dialectic (or logic), and rhetoric are used all our lives in all our learning, not just homeschooling. Yet in Teaching the Trivium, the trivium was referred to as knowledge, understanding, and wisdom as found predominately in Proverbs.

When we first learn anything whether it be while reading a book, learning a new task, or training for a new job, we first are given knowledge: information, data, things we must be able to routinely recall and perform without much thought. This is the grammar stage. When we are very young most of the new stuff we learned through rote. Children learn to recite nursery rhymes, sing songs, memorize math facts, and do repetitive simple tasks. When we are adults, many of those things do not take much to recall, they are just with us, but we will not recall some facts if we have not routinely used them; for instance, I can remember my passwords that I use presently but do not remember my high school locker combination that I used to use daily. The knowledge stage does not end in the grammar years; we still learn songs, read books, and learn new tasks as needed.

I am taking this out of context, which I normally do not do, but bear with me: in Hosea 4:6, God is saying that His people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Knowledge is the foundation of understanding and wisdom. You cannot grow in understanding without first learning  knowledge.

Understanding is in the logic stage, when we take the information learned and begin to understand its purpose. Teaching a child phonics can just be a game, but if the child desires to read as much as my Princess did at the age of three, then the student realizes the purpose of decoding words is so eventually she will be able to read book on her own. This stage is very evident around the tweens, when a child is told to do something, he begins to challenge the instruction as to why it needs to be done or even if it does...or if it must be done him.

The rhetoric stage is when we are supposed to grow in wisdom of how we apply and communicate our accumulation of knowledge and understanding. Some wisdom comes from trial and error, but I have come to the conclusion recently that it should not be assumed that one's experience will make him wiser. We decide to avoid walking on a broken step on the stairway we walk every day because through experience we know it is broken and through understanding we know that walking on that step could cause injury. Now, some might find it wise to avoid the step, but did we actually use wisdom to make that decision? I do not think so and it may be wiser to fix the step so for the safety of all, but really that is just a logical conclusion when considering the problem of what to do with the broken, dangerous step.

To further understand the difference between wisdom and experience, animals do not have the capacity to be wise but they will learn from experience (knowledge gained from repetition and some measure of understanding reward and punishment), which is why many types of animals are trainable to some degree. I had a German Shepherd, who was particularly protective of our/his property. He was perimeter trained, but when he was still young, he would break his perimeter to chase away any dog that came near our property. Eventually, all of the dogs that walked freely in our neighborhood from time to time would make a very wide berth to avoid our property, some would not even look our way, even though Sasha was not out. On a funny note, Sasha was not allowed to pester cats so our neighbors' cats would come to sit out on our front lawn and watch the dogs avoid the yard. The point here is not that how we trained Sasha but how the other dogs learned from repeatedly experiences to avoid our property and the cats learned also that they would be safe in our yard from the very same dogs that treed them whenever they were anywhere else in the neighborhood. These animals seemed to make wise choices, but their actions really were not the results of using wisdom.

It had been very difficult for me to accept that a greying head does not mean a wiser brain. When I was young I was taught not only to just respect my elders but to expect them to have wisdom. My maternal grandfather was very wise, but my mother never really was, even when her hair was completely white. Oh, throughout my life, she did say a few wise and profound things at times, but that was from rote, because she was repeating what she heard many times from her father. My mother often lacked in greater understanding as well and without logical thinking there is not a solid foundation for wisdom. So, I have come to the understanding, the logical conclusion, that people, like dogs and cats, may gain more experience as one ages, but not necessarily be wise.

Wisdom is built on knowledge and understanding, yet it is has a spiritual nature because it is given from God, so it is not necessarily the result of having knowledge and understanding. Through God's given wisdom one can have the ability to know and understand without having full knowledge. Wisdom recognizes what is not yet known and desires to learn it when there is need to do so. Knowing without knowledge is like not knowing a person, yet knowing what that person is likely to do...or how to guide that person to reveal the things he tries to hide in his heart that is obvious to the wise.

Think about King Solomon when presented with two women claiming the same baby. He had only the knowledge that both claimed the child and the understanding that one only could be the child's mother, while the other was lying. He did not know the women or which one was likely to lie, so he presented the two women with the same impossible choice: the baby will be cut into two or one will give up her claim to allow the baby to live. Both women revealed what was in their hearts with this horrible choice, but only the real mother decided she was willing to give up her child so that he would live.

Many people go with their feelings, which is often based on the result of experiences, desires, and fears, as animals can do. For one to use wisdom, he must be able to do what an animal cannot do and place himself aside to have the perspective of an objective outsider. Please understand, though, that even the wisest of all men fails to do this all the time because he cannot always think as an objective outsider when it is his own life. Again, thinking of Solomon, I shake my head as to why he had so many wives, with some being idol worshipers. In this aspect of his life he certainly was not using wisdom.

Another aspect of true wisdom is having the ability to understand people where they are and effectively guide them to accept knowledge they presently lack in order for them to understand a different perspective, which is not based on their own experience and may actually be in opposition to their conclusions or feelings, while accepting that they will probably think it is their own idea. (Actually, they have to own it as one of their experiences or else it will not make a lasting impact.) God does this every day because we can be so very stubborn, especially when we think we are right.

Now, some Christians have much pride of their knowledge of the Bible and have the propensity to throw scriptures at others. They are much like my mother, repeating rote where they think it may apply due to their own experience, sometimes with understanding and sometimes without so sometimes it was applicable to the situation and sometimes not. Their understanding is limited to what the scriptures mean to them and how they mean for them to be applied, frequently out of context. Yet, they are confident that they are only saying what is right because they are using scripture from God's Holy Bible, His Holy Words! I remember trying to encourage one man to soften his tone as he would use scripture to beat down pagans on a local message board. He was not saying anything wrong, but it was in how he was saying it that made it not right. He was so confident in his rightness that he lost sight of God's Spirit of righteousness. His purpose was right as he wanted to right their hearts and bring them to God, but in doing so, he portrayed God as angry and hateful to these people, so his use of what is always right was terribly done wrong.

Rightness is not wisdom and it is not always wise to try to prove one's rightness either. A recent exchange reminded me of this. I had been praying for a friend of mine, who had been vexed by the anger Christians seem to have on social media, which I have avoided. I wondered how bad it could be and then God gave me an opportunity to experience a taste of it. The person was so convinced of her rightness that she was not willing accept knowledge or have understanding, she only wanted to prove she was right. Even though I knew it was the wiser choice to say nothing, there are times the wisest choice is to be a fool for God. I felt the Lord asking me to confront her gently. I did and so much of that pent up anger that she holds so closely in her heart came at me. I did not take it personally and there were many flaws in her argument that I could have debated, but God wanted me to stay focused on His purpose, to expose her anger, and not look at what was trivial. Then as abruptly as it began, I was to end it. She felt the victor, but she missed the message God had for her and I feel so sad for her, but I realized that God wanted me to also see how bad this anger is among His children and why. She is symbolic of a particular kind of Christian: the ones who have replaced the Holy Spirit with the Holy Bible. The ones caught up in legalism and their own feelings without an ear to hear God talking to them.

I wonder at times how the people, who have spent more time with their Bibles, memorizing scripture, using scripture to brow beat others, and praying at God but not hearing Him speaking to them, will acclimate to heaven, where I am thinking there will be no need of a Bible, recalling scripture, rebuking other believers, and there can be sermone in persona (an in-person conversation) with God. (Of course, God has made provisions in heaven for these as well, not to worry.)

Please do not think that I am against anyone using the Bible to gain knowledge about God. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the Bible, but how it used...that is completely different. What I am concerned about is people getting stuck there in the knowledge about God and having too much pride in their ability to recite Bible verses at other people, believers as well as unbelievers. This just reminds me too much of the scribes and Pharisees. I mean, Jesus, the Son of God, was right there in front of them in the flesh and they were so out of touch with God they did not recognize Jesus, yet they definitely knew all of God's laws, they knew His words up to that time, at least. If I had to choose between having a Bible and conversing with God, I would choose the latter.

It is just not wise to think God stop talking to His children and through His children when so few of His Words were actually written and copied over the centuries.

My Lord, may we always seek Your heart and help those stuck in their spiritual growth to see there is so much more.

The Circle of Anger

Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger resides in the bosom of fools. -Ecclesiastes 7:9

Everything has an opposite and even contains its opposite depending on your perspective. Try this experiment: Point your index finger to make circles to the right in the air as if you were writing them on an imaginary board in front of you. Continue to make those circles but turn your hand so you are writing on the back side of your imaginary board, which will give you the perspective of your circles as would be seen if a person was facing you and you will see that your circles are turning left, the opposite direction. The direction did not change, only your perception of it.

Opposites are more complicated than just hot and cold, especially with emotions. Some say the opposite of love is hate and others say indifference is the opposite of love and hate. Actually, both are true and false. (I do try to warn people that I am complicated.) I believe that everything tends to contain on the flip side or it draws in/attracts its opposite, like the opposing poles of a magnet. So, in one aspect love is the opposing attractor of hate.

One really cannot hate something he did not love, which brings me back to the term "love." We really cannot love something that does not have the capacity to give love. For instance, as much time as I spend on my tech devices and appreciate what I can do with them and really feel lost without them because of my dependency on them, I do not really grieve when one of them "dies." Also, I do not think my tech is being uncooperative because it hates me. I may say I hate or love this or that, but in reality only the beings (people and animals) that stir my heart to grief when they are gone forever are the things I love.

If we look at a bipolar magnet, we see a north pole and a south pole with equal forces, like the earth. Now, let's imagine love being one pole and hate being the other. If we had another love-hate magnet, and placed the love side near the hate side of the other, they would attract. If we place the hate sides together, they would repel as would the love sides. Now the hate sides repelling makes perfect sense, but the love sides? Well, what happens when two men love the same woman? Yeah, that is when you can see that love also attracts hate.

Lesser known is that exactly in the middle of a bipolar magnet about the width of a needle is an area that has no magnetic pull at all. It is called the Bloch Wall. The Bloch Wall in our love-hate magnet is indifference. So while love and hate attract each other, indifference attracts neither. Technically, love and hate are opposites, but neither love or hate has any influence with indifference. So, if we lived in the Bloch Wall of indifference or perfect neutrality, we would neither feel love or hate.

God is not indifferent.

One of the things that intrigues me about the scriptures are the things that is not written. This is one of those things. We have read that God hates sins and He loves us, but there is no place in the Bible that even suggests that God is ever indifferent. God just has never said, " I don't care."

God cares.

God has feelings.

God both loves and hates.

We both love and hate because God made us in His image.

God is not indifferent, so we are also not indifferent.

Therefore, everyone has feelings about everything. Everyone has an opinion. And, our capacity to love something is the same as our capacity to hate it. What makes all the difference is we also have the capacity to choose. We can choose to turn our hand and see the another perspective of the circle.

God did this with us and for us. He brought is Son into the world as one of us to experience our perspective and He provided us with His perspective of His Kingdom through Jesus.

Now, imagine the circular motion itself represents anger and on one side of the motion of anger is love and the other is hate. That makes sense, does it not? You usually become angry with people you love because they did not live up to an expectation (I invite you to read: Changing My Expectations) and about things you hate. Remember that no matter which way you move around or change perspective, the circular motion is still representative of anger.

Yesterday, I was in a store waiting in a check out line watching an older woman in another check out line placing her items on the conveyor belt. It was obvious difficult for her and I thought in that moment that I could leave my place and go help her, but then I saw the man behind her chose to do that. It was a black man helping a white woman. Now, normally I do not "see" color but with all the racial tensions that have been building in my country, I now notice. Was this man angry at white people or this woman angry at black people? I do not know, but in that moment there was kindness without color. It was something that would make God smile. This simple act of a few seconds that went largely unnoticed beyond the two involved certainly made me smile for long after it happened. I actually felt that there is hope because one black man chose to help one white woman. In my little part of Georgia, racial tensions are quite low and I think that is because of the stronghold of Christianity here. Even those who are not Christian are influenced by it.

What if a person chose to actually change the force of the circle itself? There still would be love on one side and hate on the other, but anger would not be the driving force. What would be the driving force between hate and love? Some might say happiness, joy, or even delight, but remember that the potentials for love and hate must still generated in equal capacity.

I think the opposite direction is something more Godly in nature, like blessedness, sanctification, holiness, righteousness, or simply spiritual-mindedness. That now takes away our selfish and self-centered influences on love and hate and moves our hearts to be Spirit-directed. There will still be love and hate, but it will be God centered. What makes so many Christians angry might only be a symptom of our lack of depending on or having faith in God!

So now when I have ongoing anger I ask myself why. Is it because of an expectation I had that is not met? Am I just over tired and irritable? Is something stirring the Spirit within me? Or is it that I made a choice to allow anger be the force of my circle instead of staying spiritually minded? 

My Lord, please forgive me of my anger. Let me not my lack in my dependence on You or faith in You. Let anger not be a force in me but only Your Spirit.