Just Before the Coffee Shop Recital

Bad is never good until worse happens. ~Danish Proverb

I always plan it well, envision it as ideal yet expect it not to be, try not to worry about all that can go wrong, but....

The Programs

Trudy, the piano teacher, asked me to do the programs for the coffee shop recital, which I love to do. This time she did not want anything of autumn (possibly because it has been so very warm here for autumn) and she did not have any students doing the artwork either. She thought something more funky and I designed this:

Now while I was in the works of design, Windows decided my computer needed to update and that required a restart. When working with computer graphics, things are done in layers so that I can choose one layer to manipulate without changing anything else, which is great, but in the program I have, which is quite old, I cannot save the image with those layers. Whenever the graphic program saves an image, it merges all the layers together as one. I already had to start over after having the top word "Coffee" done, because the program glitched and shut down so I lost all of it. I had scheduled the restart out as far as Windows allowed which was five days, the Friday before the recital so that was my hard deadline to get the graphics completed and I did, thankfully.

There were some Christmas songs in the program and very few students with a short program so this time Trudy decided to clump them together. That allowed me to make a Christmas page with a different font on the third page between the beginning to intermediate students on the first two pages and the more advanced ones on the last page. Usually we have six to eight pages and I have had to squeeze the formatting to fit it all.

Since the program was going to be thin, I decided to trim the cover page and put in a red sheet to give it a bit of interest with red edging. On the red pages inside I printed the name of her studio and the acknowledgements. The two colors she hates is pink and red, but I thought red was ideal in this case. So I had all the recital programs done, folded and stapled, Friday night so that we could go on our hike Saturday and not be hurried on Sunday. I was even hoping that we could drop the programs off Saturday morning as Trudy's place was practically on our way. This, of course, did not happen because our dog became sick as I described in Treating My Parvo Puppy. (By the way I added an update to that post just this morning.)

Sunday Morning
Our church has an early service that is a shorter than the later one. We basically sing less songs and are done around 10:00 a.m. Since Mishka was doing well (at the time), we decided there was time to go before the recital.

I had put my cell phone on "Do Not Disturb" as I usually do for service and I had it out to add upcoming events to my calendar. Unbeknownst to me at the time, that would be the last I would see of my phone.

We get home, eat, and then my daughter and I have a long discussion about her hair and make-up. She wanted frizzy hair and no make-up saved for the mascara she already had on. I wanted sleek and shiny hair with tastefully light make-up. Had my husband not been here, it would have ended up with her physically fighting me off as I did exactly what she said she did not want, but in the end, I think she actually did like it. She will still say she did not and I made her wear it, of course.

The Plan
Now if we had been able to drop off the programs on Saturday, this would not have been a big deal as my daughter is a more advanced student scheduled later in the recital, but I need to be there before it starts so everyone can get a program. The plan was to leave at 1:00 p.m. to with no hurry-worry drive and arrive about 15-30 minutes before the recital began. Also, I planned to be sure to take my camera with a fully charged battery (because I charged that Friday night as I worked on the programs).

Toss the Plan
We ended up leaving a 1:15 p.m. because of me, a wardrobe thing, I think. I really do not remember because it was minor to all that came later. Oh, yes, I could not find the black boots I wanted to wear.

My husband had his car in the driveway between my van and the road. Thinking it was helpful, he said to take his car. Okay. Oh, by the way, it is very low on gas.... I am instantly thinking: and this helps me how? But there is enough to get there. Uh-huh...so much for the no hurry-worry drive.

This is the guy who advises me to never let the tank go below the ¼ mark, which I was my own rule before we even met, and currently our area is in a gas shortage with some rationing because of gas line explosion a few days ago in Alabama. So I am thinking, there might be enough to get there, but will I find a gas station with gas to get back also.

Anyway, we had everything, so we thought, and are on our way. I look for my phone to call Trudy. No phone. We have to go back. No phone here, no phone there, no phone anywhere, and it is on "Do Not Disturb" so no ring when we call it. The Princess grabs her phone and we leave. By now we have just one hour to get to a place that is just about one hour away when there are no traffic problems.

There is an accident on a two-lane road before the highway. My daughter says it is fine because the cars are off to the side with a deputy there. I am listening for sirens because I know all that changes if we do not get past it before the fire truck and ambulance try to get to it. But, that works out. I then take some Valerian I had brought for the Princess in case she felt nervous. Yeah, I was just a bit frazzled on the edges.

I also was still worried about the gas. I thought of a gas station that was on the way, not too busy and easy to get in and out. It it is not the one I usually go to, but have one or twice in this similiar situation. I stop in and give my daughter $20 to prepay while realizing that the gas tank on this vehicle is on the opposite side I am used to and I have to move the car. Just one more thing! As I am pumping the gas, I am reading the paper taped on the pump that customers are being limited to 10 gallons of gas. (On the way back, we noticed that same station was out of gas...need I say more?)

There was more traffic on the way than I hoped, which slowed us down a bit. I was trying to call the piano teacher to say we would be there either right on time or a few minutes late but she was not recognizing the number so she would not answer. She finally answered when we where just a block way. This is a very busy place so, of course, there are no empty parking places. I realize too late that a vehicle I just passed was backing out and it was right in front of the coffee shop. The Princess grabs the programs and says she needs to go the bathroom. I told her I would come back around as she needs to get her music and prayed the entire loop that God would save the one special place for me.

God loves me so very, very much! The only empty parking space in that entire place without a hike was still there waiting for me as my daughter walks out. She grabs her music and I grab the camera.

End of the Before
We are finally inside and, as Trudy is giving her acknowledges and telling all attending that I had designed the programs, I then notice that everyone has a program, everyone but me....

Thank you for Your Love, my Lord. I appreciate all the time, yet never enough and certainly not as much as when I am having a bad day.

Coloring in the Lines

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. ~Pablo Picasso, quoted in Time, October 1976

While we were out shopping, my daughter and I found a couple of those adult stress-relieving coloring books. I used to love coloring with crayons and colored pencils when I was young. In fact, one of my fondest memories of my mother is lying on the floor next to me with our feet up as she colored beside me. I believe it was from her that I learned a technique to inline the outline slightly darker than the area I was coloring; it gave it a 3D quality. Also coloring lightly with one color then coloring lightly with another color added more interest and could add to the 3D quality.

I was always a stickler for colors being natural until I was a young adult and was messing around with a quilt like pattern I made up filling it in with markers of bright, bold colors. I made several of these patterned pieces, leaving each with an unfinished look on purpose, just to see how different it could look with the same colors in different places in the pattern. It was interesting to see how the eye blended the colors and the mind filled in the unfinished pattern.

Since then I have been in love with bright colors, but my style of art, that is what I like to draw which is mostly faces, is on the realistic side. Also, although I like color in different mediums, my favorite mediums tend to be pencil and stippling with ink. Things change though....

Then came face painting with bold colors on a 3D (and often moving) canvas. I found my own style there with bright colors and I love it, but not everyone wants my art on their face; most children, particularly boys, want some superhero.

So, when we saw these coloring books, I thought it would be good for both my daughter and me. The Princess is more of a black and white cartoonist, who uses a bit of shading but she really never enjoyed coloring. In fact, it is surprising to me how good of an artist she can be even though filling in with color is still not her strong suit. Even so, she wanted these fancy coloring books and I hoped it would help her with techniques in coloring.

I was supposed to being driving her to a piano lesson today, but the alternator on Dragon Heart, my van, had been dying a slow death until today when it completely died and could not charge her battery anymore, so she was in the shop getting a replacement. I had a number of other things I could have done, should have done, but we decided to color. The Princess did three to my one, but I wanted her to see what one can do in blending colored pencils so I did this....

Thank you, my Lord, for a day of just coloring with my daughter. I hope it created a good memory for her.

Western Art Museum

It has been said that art is a tryst, for in the joy of it maker and beholder meet. ~Kojiro Tomita

Saturday we were planning on being at a 4-H horse clinic for the day, but it was canceled because of the rain forecast. My husband could not really do anything he planned after slicing a large chunk of skin off the tip of his thumb the night before. And, here I was with a Christmas gift of two free adult tickets (children are free) to the Booth Western Art Museum from Miss Annette expiring that day, so we went there.

I was just amazed at the energy, use of light, and photorealism of some of the work. I now think I may have to try my hand with oils. My husband does not like most modern art and I am a bit more forgiving in that way, but not much. We all like the one pictured above and we all like the bronze sculptures, but since I knew a bit about the process, I think I was far more appreciative of the work than my companions. I decided that my favorite painting was a man beside his horse on the prairie by a steam at that golden hour of the setting sun. I think it was called "Quiet on the Prairie" or something like that. Picture taking of the works in that gallery were not allowed, but the serenity of it is remembered.

You might be curious how truthful I was that day. I have no problems with expressing my criticism and appreciation of art, but I was alone most of the time. Apparently, I take far too long to examine brush strokes up close and then back up to experience how the eye blends, boring stuff for a ten-year-old artist who already knows everything she needs to know about art, or so she thinks, and man who either likes it or not, but could not care less how it was made to look that way. We were there until closing time. While we saw everything, I could have stayed a few hours more.

My truthful promise was not a problem at the museum; it was, however, challenged on the way when I saw a man on a roof. My husband stated that he saw three men on the roof...and added that he also saw a goat on the roof. My daughter saw the men, but no goat. My husband went on about the goat and I could see were this was going. I caught myself about to give a detailed description of the unseen goat that had not been there, but I stopped myself and stood firm with I only saw one man, personally, which was the truth. Whew! That was a close one.

~ My Lord, thank you for artists and that we have museums in which all people can enjoy their work. ~

Equitum Spiritus: Third Place

An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one.
~Charles Horton Cooley

The Princess entered the first annual Pawcasso art contest open to all children in the county that was sponsored by Animal Control and a non-profit animal rescue organization. The rules were to create any kind of artwork of an animal but with no people in it. The art was in three categories according to grade level. The Princess would be competing with only elementary students.

There was only about a hundred pictures and all of them were in the elementary level. I wish I had gotten a few photographs of the other entries because it was obvious to me that a group of classes had all been instructed in creating abstract fish, probably as an art assignment. There were only a handful of truly original works and it was obvious that the judges favored the younger ones.

First place was a first grader's pug-nosed dog with brown around one eye in marker on white paper. Second place went to a second grader with a giraffe painted on canvas. If I had been the judge, I would have had a difficult time choosing between this one and the one done by the Princess. However, the Princess placed third with Equitum Spiritus (Spirit of the Horse), chalk on black paper.

The Princess was very pleased to place. She was even more pleased when she found out that two people wanted to bid on it, but that we had first choice...with a small donation. We picked up the drawing just before Christmas and tonight the Princess will be giving it to one of the women who wanted it, Miss Annette, the leader of the 4-H Horse and Pony Club.

~ My Lord, thank you for the gifts my daughter has and that I am able to share mine with her. Please bless her to be an exceptional artist. ~

Counting to Ten

Take a deep breath, count to ten, and tackle each task one step at a time. ~Linda Shalaway

There are times when pictures say more than words...this may not be one of those times. The Princess is now ten years old...ten years...TEN...a whole decade! One fifth of my life has been focused on the caring and educating of this one child. Amazing! I want to slow it down. Will this sign work? Will she slow down so I can continue to watch out for her as a child? Probably, not. More importantly, will she remember what I tried to teach her and those little special things I tried to do for her, some not that easy and quite time consuming?

There is one thing I do for my daughter's birthdays, usually: I make and decorate a cake. I am no expert but you can see that I have made significant improvements throughout the years, even though I rarely make more than one cake a year. (I would not want to do this for a living.) For the sake of privacy, I am showing the cakes without her name on them, but most of them had her name and age on them.

1

Note to self: Do not place icing in freezer to cool it because it can change color, hence the color difference in the bear's fur. But seeing blue icing smeared on a one-year-old's lips is precious!

2

Outlining in a nice unbroken line is definitely NOT my thing, especially with black!

3

Wooly lambs are far easier to do!

4

We had so much stress that year that we did not take many pictures, not even for her birthday. I remember making a rocking horse cake but sometimes I get too busy living life to document it. The picture is of a furry Christmas tree cake I made for Christmas to celebrate Christ's birthday. This is a tradition we do not do anymore, because there are too many sweets to go around then as it is and it took too much time away from guests.

5

The Princess wanted a castle...this did not really qualify, but at least it was pink!

6

We spent her sixth birthday with her God-parents and my aunt and uncle. Her God-mother wanted to get a heart-shaped cake with pink roses, so I did not make a cake this time.

7

I was pleased she chose the Bob and Larry cake shape knowing that it might be the last time and I wanted to make it special...without black outlining. I found a recipe for a butter cream fondant and this was my first attempt with it. I loved that my back was not hurting the next day. It was actually fun working with something like a oily play dough and I was done in record time. I vowed to do more fondant cakes in the future.

8

You can read about Sammy Lamby with Hunny Bunny (why they mean so much to us) at Sammy Lamby Cake. I did part in fondant, but the swirls of wool are of a tastier butter cream icing.

9

Last year was the first time we invited friends over for the Princess' birthday. We made it very special as you can read at Our Victorian Princess Tea Party. This cake was entirely fondant, but a different recipe so that it would have the matte finish. I enjoyed making this one so much and was quite pleased with how it looked and tasted.

10

The rocking horse shape was used to make this chocolate, fondant-iced cake, but the Princess wanted something more real life as she is into horses so it was to be a grass pasture rather than rockers. It looks like a rather fat pony to me, but she loved it. Although I love chocolate, I usually am not fond of chocolate cake, but this recipe was pretty good.

You are a welcome to come by for a sample, if you would like....

~ Thank you, my Lord, for this young life that has enriched my own so much. Thank you that I can bring her a bit of pleasure and teach her that a person can be creative with anything, if they are willing to try and learn. One day, I suspect that she will be making one of her cake creations for me. ~

Putting on the Brakes!

If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks, and that means you're not going anywhere. The key is to make mistakes faster than the competition, so you have more changes to learn and win. ~John W. Holt, Jr.

Finally, I have an afternoon to relax and write. The weather is warm and sunny and just beautiful, so I should be out playing in the dirt, spreading around those most excellent bunny berries as our fertilizer, and sprucing up the gardens. That is what I would be doing if my back was not so sore right now. I had a flare-up this week and would be over it by today had I not had to face paint all day yesterday. Oh, before I get ahead of myself, I will have to back up quite a bit since it has been...I just realized that I have not posted for nearly three weeks! Yikes! I meant get back to updating my blog before this, but I really have been too busy to even think of writing...well, writing in my blog, that is, because I had an article due also.

If you are interested in what kept me away for so long, I will have to fill you in bit by bit, because it is too much to read in one sitting, let alone write it all. As you may recall, we had at least one major event on each of three Saturdays in a row since my husband's return from the United Kingdom, where he had trained for his new job.

The first Saturday was the Children's Talent Competition for the Nazarene Churches in our district. It was a two-hour drive for us and we were from the furthest church out to plan being there. The event was meant to be from 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM, but it was over soon after lunch. The reason being that there were only fifteen children from the four participating churches, including the host church. Isn't that a sad turn out? I was a bit surprised at the lack of interest, but I should not have been, because this event has not been well planned in the past. This was a post I wrote about it two years ago: Competition Cancelled. I do not even remember why we did not try to go last year, perhaps it was no better planned and we received the notice too late again or had something else going on. That is not to say that the host churches did not do an excellent job, but rather that our district just does not seem to give much in the way of support for the event and no one from the district was even there.

Still, the Princess entered four categories. The rating was from 1 to 4 with 1 being the highest.

Painting

Judge #1
Average Score: 1
Comments: Very creative! It makes me think of a bridge between heaven and earth.

Judge #2
Average Score: 1
Comments: Excellent! I am so impressed by this piece. You are incredibly talented.

My own critique: Appealing colors and nice use of texture, but most of the flowers were painted too heavily for the watercolor medium. My average score would have been 1.3 at the most.

Drawing

Judge #1
Average Score: 1.2
Comments: Very good work! Good attention to detail. I love the bird in the boat.

Judge #2
Average Score: 1.3
Comments: You are a very impressive young lady! Keep up the good work!

My own critique: Some areas look unfinished or hurried compared to others. My average score would have been 1.5 at the most.

Poem

Judge #1
Average Score: 2.1
Comments: A good poem to emphasize God's great love. You have a neat work and I loved the picture! Keep writing.

Judge #2
Average Score: 1.87
Comments: I especially like the first verse where you compare what God does for nature with what He does for us. If you could have continued that idea in the second verse―comparing sunshine with His love for us, it would have continued the theme and been more consistent. However, you basic thought was excellent.

My own critique: (I missed that she had misspelled one word; on the other hand, I know she should have known the correct spelling.) Although I see the point made by Judge #2, I felt both judges missed the symbolism of promised hope and forgiveness in the rainbow. My average score would have been at least 1.3.

Piano

Judge #1
Average Score: 1
Comments: Great job. Challenging selection and you did great. Even though you messed up in one spot, you did a great job in recovering.

Judge #2
Average Score: 1
Comments: Very nice performance! You did very well with the staccato notes―they were crisp. Work on your memorization.

Judge #3
Average Score: 1
Comments: Minus the loss of continuity in the repeated measures 8-9, the performance was excellent. The key is to relax and feel the music. Remember you are playing to the glory of God. Learn the technical but move past that to the understanding the music.

My own critique: (This is a Baroque piece originally written for the harpsichord, which is an instrument that cannot be played with much variation in dynamics, that is, louder or softer. The beauty of this piece is in the technical as typical of the time period, but Judge #3 differed on this opinion because of his familiarity with Bach from the perspective of playing such pieces on guitar.) She played this piece from memory and had a slight mess up, but she did recover well. A very good performance with nice poise also. My average score would have been 1.1.

The poem was sent in with our registration and the rest was judged on the day we attended. A few children sang and there was only one other on an instrument, also piano, but just a beginner playing with only her right hand alone. Most were younger children doing this competition for the first time. One performer really stood out though. He was a boy with short blondish hair and glasses. He was quiet and seemed to be a more introverted type. Dressed all in black, he got up on the stage and we waited as the music was loaded. He did not sing however, he signed the song and not just the typical American Sign Language, but highly dramatized signing. It was just so unexpected that it just took my breath away!

So, now you know what we did three weeks ago on Saturday, March 19th. More coming....

~ My Lord, I thank you for the opportunity of this competition. It was a very good experience. I hope that You will urge more children to participate next year. ~

My Own Happy Place

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. ~Albert Camus

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my "happy place." The place I am now was my happy place thirty years ago. In it I had a loyal Christian husband, a daughter with long brown hair, and a nice house. I dreamed of this for years because I did not have any hope of having it, or so I thought at the time.

Soon after turning twenty years old, I suffered for about two years with a debilitating depression. I had survived child abuse, but I was not yet whole. My first husband had left me twice and, as a condition on me for him to return the first time, I was to be his ideal wife. I tried to do that, but something in me began to die. After nearly a year, I realized I was ill and I did not have a clue how to get better. I decided to visit my grandmother in Florida for a week. It was difficult to get on the plane and leave. When I got there, I did not want to go anywhere, see anything, to do anything at all, except play Scrabble, which I never played at all before. I did not talk about my problem at all.

What I vividly remember is as difficult as it was for me to leave home to take a break, I was surprised that it was far more difficult for me to get on the plane to go back home. I cried for the entire two hour flight not understanding why. I realized on that flight that I needed professional help and made an appointment with the one and only psychiatrist in the city so it took weeks to get seen. Medication helped but I began to realize as the months dragged on that it had to be adjusted periodically for me to be able to function and we were not making any progress with finding the underlying cause. I had to cut my hours to part-time and even then I remember driving to work sitting in the parking lot and falling apart so that I would just have to drive back home and call in my apologies.

Nothing made me happy. Nothing. I had no hope, no enjoyment, no desire to live. My spirit was broken. I remember not being able to sleep at night until four o'clock in the morning and then not being able to wake during the day. I remember waking up and being angry because I was still alive and would have to suffer through another day: "Lord, why am I still breathing? Why don't You end this? After all, I am not of any good for You on this earth."

Suicide was not an option for me. I had a brother who died when I was only ten, an accidental suicide they called it. I saw how it tore up my family and I could not leave my little sister at nine years old that way with her alone to watch our mother go through it all again. Besides, I did not want to take the chance that I would end up in hell, thinking it might actually be even worse than where I was at the time.

I also did not want to talk to my Lord. I would tell Him, "I know You are there, but please just leave me alone for now." Can you imagine? Of course, I remember these things in awe that I ever even thought them. It seemed like an entirely different person so distant, so long ago, so unlike me.

One night, after my husband left the second and last time, I finally gave in and talked to God. It was as if He had been waiting so close just for me to do that and I told Him that all I wanted was a house and a good husband. Do you know what He said? He told me that because I had asked for so little that I would have that and more. That I would have a life beyond what I could imagine. God knew I was a practical woman at heart and that anything beyond my hourly struggles with depression then was just incompressible to me.

It took some years for me to get here and sometimes I forget that I am in my happy place, the one that was just a dream many years ago. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I like my life. It is not a perfect place and sometimes I am sad or depressed for short bouts, but this is my happy place on earth. This is what God promised me.

There is one thing...just one thing that I have not been doing that helped me hold onto my sanity those years ago. I have been avoiding it, desiring to do it without doing it, probably because of those memories. I would like to get back into my artwork and I think my Lord has been asking me of late for what am I waiting? I am always thinking I will do it later when things are better or when I get something else done first or.... For what am I waiting? Truth is I am not waiting, I am avoiding. I think have been fearing the memories of my depression, which left soon after my husband did, because since then I really have not done any artwork to speak of...all these years the one thing I loved to do so much I have avoided.

I think, though, I am now ready to make new memories associated with my artwork and I am wondering what direction it will take. Making new memories of the Princess and I both learning and working on our art together are encouraging to me now. I am ready to add one more thing to my "happy place," the one my Lord promised me and the one I should be enjoying more than I have been to honor Him.

~ My Lord, shatter the fear, let the memories of depression be replaced with new memories of delight. Help me to stop avoiding to begin drawing and painting again. ~

New Church Sign? Maybe.

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I have been spending my computer time creating a new website for my church, a new logo, and a new design for the outside sign. It is just taking all the time I have to do them. It seems I am the only person in my church with real website experience and some graphics designing, so I have been really, really busy.

When we had the yard sale a few weeks ago, many people who came told us that they did not realize that our little house was actually a church. The sign is back from the road and we are on the inside of a curve in the road with a thick woods to the side and behind us. The sign although large enough, just does not stand out. This resulted in a push for a new outside sign. We want something that grabs attention to itself without being in poor taste...something that everyone will remember after they pass it...something that really draws attention to the sign so they will read the words indicating there is a church here.

I got this crazy idea of using a lion on the sign with a bright sunburst background, which my husband will have printed out on a media that will be stretched over the existing sign, much like they do billboards now days. My husband is on the service end of such printers, so it is possible to do a multicolored sign like this. The lion, I hope, would be associated with the Lion of Judah or even Aslan in Narnia to the little children, but mostly it was meant to just grab people's attention.

My husband and I played with ideas, but when it came to actually making it...well, all he would say when he came home from a trip for work is it was not what we originally discussed, meaning he was not impressed with what I had to show him. I had been working on this for four days and he is right, it is not what we originally discussed. What we originally discussed was a bit more subdued sunburst background with the cross on a hill, but...I thought this design met our criteria much better. The colors are eye-catching, the design leads the eye from the lion to the new logo and then down to the services info. No one can pass this sign and not see it. Sigh!

There is a church board meeting tomorrow and they have to approve it and my husband is one of the members, but I think he is warming up to the design now. Still, I wonder if I should go back to the drawing board and start over. It is not like I have a staff of people so we can offer several different designs from which they can choose. I may be able to do another one or two, but it may take another week or two away from working on the website. (The link to the website has not been transferred to the new one yet, but I will let you know when it is ready for viewing. Right now it goes to the previous website, which is outdated.)

Anyway, here is a preview and please consider that this sign is 6'h x 8'w with two sides set to at an angle towards 45-55 mph oncoming traffic from both ways. You can be brutally honest with you opinions...well, not too brutal, as I have been working on this for five days and I am mentally fragile right now. Would this grab your attention?

At this point, I think I am getting burned out on it all. I was eager to do these things and I want to do them, but every time I think about how much more that needs to be done now...I want to just cry. This is what happens with me and you would think a woman nearly 50 years old would learn not to do this, but I have not apparently because I am doing it yet again. I throw myself into a project, obsess over it, and let it consume me completely. I suppose it is something most good artists and researchers tend to do——not that I am particularly brilliant at either but they seem to be the things I do the most so I can at least understand the madness such people can portray. Perhaps people see that madness in me and I am ignorant of it because it seems normal...? I just have to remember that to break it all down into small pieces, so that each of itself is an accomplishment when completed. You really would think I have had enough practice in my life to do this as a matter of habit by now, but...no.

~ My Lord, when I get to the point I don't even know for what to pray, I know that I have gone too far into a project. Perhaps I have not sought Your will on what You want, perhaps I am afraid that I have done it all on my own accord and not Yours, perhaps I fear having to start all over, but in my heart I would rather do as You wish for me to do even if I have to start over. Please, my Lord, let always Your will be done and not my own. ~

Noah's Ark is Leaving Soon!

The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent. ~Erich Fromm

After removing the day bed and trundle as well as all those toys and knickknacks from the Princess' room for the re-stretching of the carpet, my husband initiated a conversation about redecorating. I have talked about it now and then, but with homeschooling a child and being a housewife/mother and having my husband away so much, time and energy are precious things I do not like to squander.

You see, decorating a room is never a simple project for me--remember that whole conflicted and complicated thing I have going on for myself? Well, this is where it really is unleashed with a vengeance and my abandoned self-control is tossed in its unrelenting sea of endless possibilities, experimentation, and indecisiveness. Then there is the other thing, the whole warping of the space-time continuum that seems to happen to me alone when I am engaged in such projects. In other words, time has no relevance to me, but it seems that it does to everyone else, so I struggle to adhere to the structure of their timeline and not be completely swept up in the timelessness of creativity. The ordinary things like preparing meals, eating, sleeping, and even visits to the bathroom are forgotten when I am in the throes of my own inspiration. I once told my husband that the redecorating of our own room would be a two week project and two months later...well, you get the picture. Needless to say that for him to strike up a conversation about decorating a room is not something he casually would do--not with me, at any rate.

When we first decorated the nursery and I cross-stitched the Noah sampler in the picture, we did not know the baby's gender and we did not want to know. The room was originally set up for children of guests and became our teddy bear room before the Princess arrived--every room in my house as a theme it seems. With teddy bear colors in mind, we choose an oak crib with a canopy and a Noah themed crib set with a canopy cover in American colors. I planned to use denim in the theme also and it all went together well. I even found matching fabric and sewed the valance for the denim drapes with a contrasting fabric for the bows and valance edge. (I cannot find a picture of the crib dressed up presently.) As you can see from the sampling on the top of the valance, the Princess' has collection of stuffed furry friends fitting the Noah theme.

I was well into my second trimester with relief from morning sickness and a wondrous spurt of energy before I attempted to paint the mural and sewed the drapes, but trying to get it done before the discomforts and extra tiredness of the third trimester were upon me. I did some short cuts, using an airbrush when I could and cutting out the figures from the extra fabric to glue them onto the mural. When I was not feeling well enough to do much physical work, I tracked down a cross-stitch Noah sampler pattern I remembered from a magazine over ten years before (pictured above) and was surprised that I still had it! I also crocheted my very first granny square blanket for the baby.

When they use the term "expecting," it says it all and yet is quite inadequate all at the same time. I don't remember being I so happy and excited doing so much work and shopping. I had dreams looking like a mother singing softly or reading to my little bundle in my rocking chair, dressing her up in various cute outfits, and watching her discover the world. Yes, I did do those things--such blessed moments. I suppose that is why it is with bittersweet feelings that I am again preparing to decorate the Princess' room. She is no longer a young child for whom I must make all the decisions; she slowly and all too quickly developed into a creative, artistic child, who has her own ideas and tastes. I suppose it should be no surprise with the excitement of her own expectancy in making changes to her room, that I find her to be as complicated and conflicted as her own mama.

~ My Lord, it is so difficult to let go of the baby and see the maturing person my child is becoming, even though I look forward to seeing the adult she will become. Thank you for such sweet, sweet memories and the ones yet to come. ~

An Abstract Sequential Teaching an Abstract Random

I like to draw from my imagination spread out.
~The Princess at 8 years old, August 4, 2009

The Princess and I share a abstract traits, that means we both like to use reason and intuition. However, we also differ in some very pronounced ways. I am a Abstract Sequential (AS) and the Princess is a Abstract Random (AR). True to being an AS, I tend to like having things in some kind of order, but the Princess naturally dislikes order. I am sure that you can see this one difference alone causes a bit of friction for the both of us at times.

The thing that I often have to remind myself while I can prepare her lessons in a logical sequential order to please my idiosyncrasy, I have to randomize how I present them to her or the poor child is just as unhappy with the sequence as I would be if they were out of sequence. It is quite challenging and requires compromises.

The Princess has always loved books. She actually cries when she sees anyone mistreating a book. I have emphasized to her at a very young age that she needs to be gentle with books, that paper once creased or torn or written on cannot be restored to its original condition. I can trust her with some of the oldest books I have. We both relish that old book smell. The Princess prefers pictures books mostly because she does not really enjoy reading itself, especially chapter books. Even though her reading skills are more than adequate, she would prefer I do the reading so we often take turns. Now, she does enjoy reading what she wants to read when she wants to read, but not what she is required to read when she is required to read, and she has a greater love for fiction than non-fiction.

Lately, I have been going to the library more often. When we go, the Princess is required to get at least three non-fiction books: one about a person, one about a place, and one about science. While this gives that bit of structure which works for me, it allows for her random trait to be nurtured also because she has the freedom to pick the subjects herself. My thinking on this is that she, like most children, really learns about the things she chooses to learn. The downside for her is that she still has to read them to me out loud. She also can get a number of fiction books, which she is a bit more enthusiastic about reading.

One love we both share is art. Every day, the Princess draws or paints something. She tends to do this soon after lessons are over, as if she is treating herself by being expressive without any structure. In fact, a realization practically smacked me in the head today. The Princess had an Eyewitness Book about cats out on the table. (Eyewitness books are full of pictures and bits of information.) I suggested that she try to copy one of the cats on the cover. You see, I loved trying to copy pictures as a means of learning drawing techniques, but that would probably be a sequential trait, because I immediately received look as if I was criticizing the picture she was in the middle of doing even though she had not started it. Even as I tried explaining the purpose of copying and reminded her that she had just read about how Michelangelo learned to be a great artist by first copying artwork of masters, she just looked at me as if I was trespassing on her own little private domain. I then realized she already had her picture done in her head and she felt I was robbing her of the pleasure of getting down on paper just by suggesting she do something else. With unexpected maturity, as if I just did not understand, she said that she had her own way of doing things following with "I like to draw from my imagination spread out."

Such are the challenges of this AS with her AR daughter. Sigh....

~ My Lord, there are times I feel inadequate, but You are there. You are ever beside me ready to provide strength and wisdom. Please bless my daughter's education and guide both of us to bring out the best of each other through the traits we share and through our differences. ~

Recital Covers

All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. ~Pablo Picasso

My dear friend Trudy relented to my insistence, the feeding of my creative inner child indulgence, so that I could again design the covers for her spring recital. This year the recital is only for the older children, so my Princess will not be performing in this one, but I still wanted to design the covers, actually to prepare the entire program, but she had someone else already lined up to do the program layout.

This particular one had to have a touch of sophistication as it is a formal recital, however I was hoping to add that feeling of spring. I had different designs in mind, but some did not look as impressive in print as they did as graphics on the computer. Then I found a couple of graphics that just hit me and I immediately knew what I wanted to do with them: layering! The design was easy and took very little time using Paint Shop Pro. I sent the layout for approval. So far, so good.

With the designed approved, the color of the paper had to be decided. Trudy wanted a pastel and I was leaning towards green for spring, because a soft green would blend with the half tones and not look too dull, nor pop in contrast, but everything I saw in the solid color pastels was just too bright for what I had in mind. I found a specialty paper that was just what I wanted. Now the real test would be if Trudy liked it. So, with a number printed and folded, I delivered them to Trudy yesterday just before the Princess' piano lesson. She said she liked the color very much. Now to just fold the inner program and correlate while she taught my daughter.


This fever for doing Trudy's programs all started when she asked the Princess to draw a picture for the coffee shop recital last autumn. The coffee shop recital is very casual and artsy. To reflect this, Trudy often asks a student draw something for the cover. We were quite honored that she asked the Princess, because was only seven years old--well, she would correct me here and say "seven and a half."

For whatever reason that I cannot remember now, I ended up doing the program as well, which I found to be interesting with all those last minute changes, but certainly enjoyable! The Princess decided to draw a boy throwing leaves because it was autumn, although the leaves had not yet begun to fall and it was rather warm yet. After I did the layout for the program, I decided that the theme from the cover could be carried on into the program itself and so I asked the Princess to draw leaves throughout the entire thing.


The Pianothon is also a dressy event, but it takes place in a mall at the first part of December when most people are doing their Christmas shopping. Although it is in a less busy area of the mall, it is noisy with people walking by and other distractions.

Christmas music ranged from reverent religious to cute children's songs, so I thought the program would do well with a clean look and just a bit if whimsy. This time I was to do both the cover and program layout, I thought of blue snowflakes on white throughout the program with a very stylish font. Each page was designed so that the snowflakes did not interfere with the information.


Each one has been a joy to do!

My Lord, You are the Ultimate Artist. We could not have music or art if you have not created it first. Thank you for my daughter's talents and for the opportunity to use what You have given to me.~