Just Before the Coffee Shop Recital

Bad is never good until worse happens. ~Danish Proverb

I always plan it well, envision it as ideal yet expect it not to be, try not to worry about all that can go wrong, but....

The Programs

Trudy, the piano teacher, asked me to do the programs for the coffee shop recital, which I love to do. This time she did not want anything of autumn (possibly because it has been so very warm here for autumn) and she did not have any students doing the artwork either. She thought something more funky and I designed this:

Now while I was in the works of design, Windows decided my computer needed to update and that required a restart. When working with computer graphics, things are done in layers so that I can choose one layer to manipulate without changing anything else, which is great, but in the program I have, which is quite old, I cannot save the image with those layers. Whenever the graphic program saves an image, it merges all the layers together as one. I already had to start over after having the top word "Coffee" done, because the program glitched and shut down so I lost all of it. I had scheduled the restart out as far as Windows allowed which was five days, the Friday before the recital so that was my hard deadline to get the graphics completed and I did, thankfully.

There were some Christmas songs in the program and very few students with a short program so this time Trudy decided to clump them together. That allowed me to make a Christmas page with a different font on the third page between the beginning to intermediate students on the first two pages and the more advanced ones on the last page. Usually we have six to eight pages and I have had to squeeze the formatting to fit it all.

Since the program was going to be thin, I decided to trim the cover page and put in a red sheet to give it a bit of interest with red edging. On the red pages inside I printed the name of her studio and the acknowledgements. The two colors she hates is pink and red, but I thought red was ideal in this case. So I had all the recital programs done, folded and stapled, Friday night so that we could go on our hike Saturday and not be hurried on Sunday. I was even hoping that we could drop the programs off Saturday morning as Trudy's place was practically on our way. This, of course, did not happen because our dog became sick as I described in Treating My Parvo Puppy. (By the way I added an update to that post just this morning.)

Sunday Morning
Our church has an early service that is a shorter than the later one. We basically sing less songs and are done around 10:00 a.m. Since Mishka was doing well (at the time), we decided there was time to go before the recital.

I had put my cell phone on "Do Not Disturb" as I usually do for service and I had it out to add upcoming events to my calendar. Unbeknownst to me at the time, that would be the last I would see of my phone.

We get home, eat, and then my daughter and I have a long discussion about her hair and make-up. She wanted frizzy hair and no make-up saved for the mascara she already had on. I wanted sleek and shiny hair with tastefully light make-up. Had my husband not been here, it would have ended up with her physically fighting me off as I did exactly what she said she did not want, but in the end, I think she actually did like it. She will still say she did not and I made her wear it, of course.

The Plan
Now if we had been able to drop off the programs on Saturday, this would not have been a big deal as my daughter is a more advanced student scheduled later in the recital, but I need to be there before it starts so everyone can get a program. The plan was to leave at 1:00 p.m. to with no hurry-worry drive and arrive about 15-30 minutes before the recital began. Also, I planned to be sure to take my camera with a fully charged battery (because I charged that Friday night as I worked on the programs).

Toss the Plan
We ended up leaving a 1:15 p.m. because of me, a wardrobe thing, I think. I really do not remember because it was minor to all that came later. Oh, yes, I could not find the black boots I wanted to wear.

My husband had his car in the driveway between my van and the road. Thinking it was helpful, he said to take his car. Okay. Oh, by the way, it is very low on gas.... I am instantly thinking: and this helps me how? But there is enough to get there. Uh-huh...so much for the no hurry-worry drive.

This is the guy who advises me to never let the tank go below the ¼ mark, which I was my own rule before we even met, and currently our area is in a gas shortage with some rationing because of gas line explosion a few days ago in Alabama. So I am thinking, there might be enough to get there, but will I find a gas station with gas to get back also.

Anyway, we had everything, so we thought, and are on our way. I look for my phone to call Trudy. No phone. We have to go back. No phone here, no phone there, no phone anywhere, and it is on "Do Not Disturb" so no ring when we call it. The Princess grabs her phone and we leave. By now we have just one hour to get to a place that is just about one hour away when there are no traffic problems.

There is an accident on a two-lane road before the highway. My daughter says it is fine because the cars are off to the side with a deputy there. I am listening for sirens because I know all that changes if we do not get past it before the fire truck and ambulance try to get to it. But, that works out. I then take some Valerian I had brought for the Princess in case she felt nervous. Yeah, I was just a bit frazzled on the edges.

I also was still worried about the gas. I thought of a gas station that was on the way, not too busy and easy to get in and out. It it is not the one I usually go to, but have one or twice in this similiar situation. I stop in and give my daughter $20 to prepay while realizing that the gas tank on this vehicle is on the opposite side I am used to and I have to move the car. Just one more thing! As I am pumping the gas, I am reading the paper taped on the pump that customers are being limited to 10 gallons of gas. (On the way back, we noticed that same station was out of gas...need I say more?)

There was more traffic on the way than I hoped, which slowed us down a bit. I was trying to call the piano teacher to say we would be there either right on time or a few minutes late but she was not recognizing the number so she would not answer. She finally answered when we where just a block way. This is a very busy place so, of course, there are no empty parking places. I realize too late that a vehicle I just passed was backing out and it was right in front of the coffee shop. The Princess grabs the programs and says she needs to go the bathroom. I told her I would come back around as she needs to get her music and prayed the entire loop that God would save the one special place for me.

God loves me so very, very much! The only empty parking space in that entire place without a hike was still there waiting for me as my daughter walks out. She grabs her music and I grab the camera.

End of the Before
We are finally inside and, as Trudy is giving her acknowledges and telling all attending that I had designed the programs, I then notice that everyone has a program, everyone but me....

Thank you for Your Love, my Lord. I appreciate all the time, yet never enough and certainly not as much as when I am having a bad day.

Tis the Season?

And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
~D.H. Lawrence

It has been warm for November and now December here, cool enough to wear sweaters, but not cold. My garden is still producing foods that seem to be happy with these temperatures. Yesterday it began raining lightly but all the day and today is much the same. I am glad to see puddles everywhere because we have been in another mini drought.

As the earth's wobble slows approaching the winter solstice, the days are long with darkness and short with light. Clouds have heavily filtered the blaze of sunlight for the last few days. It is the making of lazy days; ones that beckon sleeping in, taking naps, and going to bed early, generally just wrapping up sleeping at any time. I would like to do that today.

Most of my life I have been an early to bed and early to rise type, but it seems that this year I have made a seasonal shift...not that I start my mornings so late compared to others, just late for me. I would rise in the last hours of blackness and I now rise up before the sun is seen but its dawning is obvious. I also am ready to go to bed within just a few hours after night's blanket smothers out the daylight. Perhaps it is the not the season of the earth, but the season of my life...? Perhaps...

It could also be that I tend to wake up every night around 3:00 AM and sometimes it takes me a couple of hours to go back to sleep. My Lord and I have some good conversations, but it can make mornings a bit challenging at times, some times more than others.

Maybe is it the flu season thing, so many people are ill with colds, flues, and bronchitis. We are not sick but our friends are. I received a call from one two days ago and my own sinuses began draining within a minute as if I had her illness. She asked me to pray for her. She felt better the rest of the day, so she reported to me later. (I felt better as soon we had hung up and my mind busied on other things.) I was glad for her, but I felt that I was being affected by too many people. The Princess and I both just have low energy levels. We decided to pass on the 4-H activity last night of caroling at an assisted living home and going out to Chick-Fil-A for a free meal, one of our most favorite outings, but I just felt I could not be with all those people last night.

I really have so much to do. We had our carpets cleaned last week, even the art and craft room! We cleared everything out of that room and closet (actually it was my husband as I have been having a bit of back pain), placed the items in our garage where I usually keep our van, Dragon Heart, and we took trailer load to Goodwill. We brought other things back in and rearranged the office/homeschool room also. However, we have lots of odds and ends that are not yet put away, so those rooms are still a wreck. I could probably clear up everything in just one day, if I had more energy to do so.

Also we have Christmas baking to do and cards to get out. I need to get up now and get started doing something or just give into the nap...not sure which. I would rather like curling up with a book and nod off whenever. Yes...that would be ideal for me, maybe too self-serving.

~ My Lord, I thank you for days when I do not have to be anywhere or have to do anything but I really do have much to do. Help me choose wisely as to what I should do with the energy I have...and if You would be kind in giving me just a bit more, I would appreciate that also.~

Weighing the Worth of Seasonal Consignment Sales

Frugality is founded on the principal that all riches have limits. ~Edmund Burke

Seasonal consignment sales are the probably the epitome of frugality, where one must carefully weigh worth between money and time, savings and effort, value and intangibles.

It has not escaped me that to place items for sale in a seasonal consignment sale, one must devote time and energy to find which items for the season that have not been worn in six months no longer fit and then look for spots and tears and whatever else that will cause the clothes to be rejected. Clothes must be laundered and ironed to look their best, then hung on hangers just so with the tag in the upper right corner. Some sales require all to be hung on wire hangers only because the plastic ones can break. For some, shoes must be in bags pinned on hangers and others just want the pair fastened together to be placed in bins. Other items like nursery decor, toys, games, shoes, DVDs, CDs, homeschool materials and books must all be clean and in working order with batteries included for those items that need them. Depending on how much you have to do, it can take a least a few hours of preparation and some consignment sales have limits of how many items can be listed, that is listed under one consignor's number and each one has a fee.

The Princess tried on all her clothes from last year, because some things were large on her then and she seems to be in a slow, but steady growth, staying a bit petite for her age and we cannot go by the size on the label to determine what will fit and not fit. She thinks this is such a waste of time, but this is the worst of her part in the preparations and just the beginning of mine. After I have sorted the piles of what she will still be able to wear and not, I have much to do.

After I have prepared the items, I must take them to the designated place at the designated time to drop them off. Now for most sales, the only thing I must do afterward is to pick up the leftovers, if I want them back, at another designated time on a Saturday. Some sales also have the check ready and others mail it in a day or so.

As a seller, I get to go the preview sale for sellers and volunteers, which is usually on Wednesday night. To entice people to volunteer to help with the sale, there are earlier preview times according to how many shifts one worked. A shift is three hours, so for working three hours, one gets in a half hour earlier up to three shifts. I don't think the trade off is worth it personally. Particularly when the children of volunteers are put in a daycare with other children where it is likely that at least one child has a contagious illness just waiting to be pass along, which happened the one and only time I volunteered when the Princess was four. They also tried to feed her junk food, which she refused, but this was after I told them she had her own food and not to give her anything else. Now the Princess is old enough to help or sit quietly doing her lessons, but I still don't see the trade-off for volunteering three hours as worth it.

Unfortunately, the second of the two sales for which I registered, which is this week, has a rule that new sellers MUST volunteer one shift. So, tomorrow I drop off my items and begin working for three hours right through our lunch time. They usually allow the workers time to eat, but I am still not looking forward to it, because when I work, I work hard...perhaps harder than I need to do? The last time I was at this, I noticed that I matched the work of three other volunteers collectively, who spent a great deal of time talking. I also worked through the hour lunch everyone else took so that I was only there two hours instead of three. I see time as precious, something you cannot buy or make up when wasted, and as a homeschooling parent, I have other things to do that are far more important to do than to organize assortments of clothes, shoes, games, toys, etc. However, if I do it this one time, I will not be a "new seller" next time and hopefully will not be required to do it again...ever.

Today I must take off the tags of my leftovers from the last sale and put on new tags for the next one. Tomorrow makes for a short homeschool day and it is the same for Wednesday with Thursday being our errand day. Obviously we are not going to cover all the lessons I would like but I do have a few shortcuts for weeks like this so that the most important subjects are still covered. Basically, it is just different style with resources I would typically use as supplements.

I wish I had sold more in the first sale so I would not have to go to the second one. I sold about 33% of what I listed for a check of $101. Which was pretty good as this sale had so much in clothes left over and I sold more in homeschool things than clothes. Still, this is twice more than I did in the last two fall sales put together! The next sale is also early in the season and very popular so I would like to double my profit with the 66% of items I have left and this time I marked many of the items for the 50% discount on Saturday, hoping I will have very left over.

Now, my one peeve is about the seller's fee. Most sales charge $6 to $7 for a seller's fee in addition to the 30% they make off the sale, which in the last one was around $51. The first $10 of the sale just goes to make up for the seller's fee which is about four tops the way I price them. I do not understand why there is a seller's fee at all, but I particularly don't get the seller's fee when a person is also volunteering her time. The first sale takes off the seller's fee for volunteering, which I think is still not a good trade for my time: for three hours I save $6 and I get a 30-minute earlier shopping time? However, the sale I am in next not only requires new sellers to volunteer three hours but also charges $7 for the seller's fee whether you volunteer time or not.

And...is it really volunteering when it is required? I think not!

With all that said, I guess it is worth it because when I do well with the consignment sale, it offsets the amount I spend in the consignment sales for new-to-her clothes and shoes most times. Oh, and can you believe it? I bought her another fancy dress after I already said she does not need another one, but it is rather lovely.

~ My Lord, thank you for this extra bit of money and help me to be sure that all my efforts to be frugal are wise choices. ~

Thankful for You

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. ~W.J. Cameron

Have I told you lately how thankful I am that you are a part of my life? I am very thankful!

I am sure that my precious online friends feel that I have been remiss about keeping in touch of late and I really do not know what everyone is doing because I have not read my favorite people's blogs either. I am missing you all so much! I need to spend some time reading and catching up!

As you know, I have not written much either...and at the first of the month I have an article due that I have not yet even begun to think about! Truth be told, lately I have not much leisure time to spend online, even on my computer. I am still in the process of loading programs and moving data to this new-to-me-but-older hard drive. It is a process slowed by holiday preparations and other in real life stuff and, perhaps, I just am not in a hurry to do it.

We spent Thanksgiving with our pastor and his wife and her daughter's family, so there were six adults, three children, and two dogs, the littlest one in the teething puppy stage, in a home they just moved into the weekend before with most things still in boxes! Most people would have given up on the idea of having a holiday dinner, but they are generous people doing it with what they have. (I am so learning this lesson, my Lord.) My husband does an exceptional turkey in a brine making it so moist and he did the delicious gravy, of course. I made sourdough rolls, crumb top apple pie (one of my best ever I must say), and my red cabbage holiday coleslaw—which for some reason I cannot find a previous post that I thought did on it...maybe I have not posted it before?

It was so nice to have others with whom to share stories and conversation and good food. That is what makes Thanksgiving the holiday it is. I tend to get a bit depressed as the holidays approach because it is not much of a "family" gathering for us. I have always wished for large gatherings, but most years my husband and I had Thanksgiving at home by ourselves because he had to work. If we did go anywhere, it was to his parent's home with just his mother and father. Thanksgiving was usually a quiet holiday. Having had my fill over the years, I think I am now tired of quiet holidays, so being with others and watching the children play and get loud at times, the people in the kitchen working around each other, and the cleaning up of it all was very enjoyable for me.

I felt twinges of guilt knowing that my husband's mother was home alone and she sounded depressed and lonely on the phone. We offered several times but she declined to visit us for the holidays. I am concerned for her with Christmas coming. She has neither invited us nor has accepted our offer to come here. What else can we do?

Yesterday was Black Friday...I usually do not go out shopping on the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I did this time. I got up very early and went shopping but the lines were not that bad. The worse lines were for electronics and I was not in any of them. When I finally got home just before noon, I just felt terrible. After I ate my favorite after-Thanksgiving lunch of turkey sandwich with mayonnaise and Dijon mustard, I felt a bit better but I still had this disoriented feeling so I cozied myself on sofa and watched a DVD trying catch a few Z's now and then.

I had settled my brains for a long winter's nap...well, it felt like that but the clatter to which I awoke was a crying child. The Princess had been deleting the unwanted pictures from her camera and accidentally deleted them all. She calmed down after I explained that deleting only means that the program in the camera does not have the path to the pictures now, but the pictures are still there and that they probably can be recovered just as I did with my computer. Now I have to fiddle around with that to find out how to recover them. Here we go again!

It seems our technology attack is not over, unfortunately. On Wednesday, my husband lost his work cell phone also. He has never lost a cell phone before. He lives with his cell phone and he usually has a photographic memory about where he places things...even where I place things! The worse part is there has been something wrong with his work computer, that has not been fixed although he sent it in, so he could not back up all the contacts and calls and text messages from his cell phone as he is supposed to do. About 200 contacts are just gone. It will take him weeks upon weeks to get all that information again. He is scheduled for a new work computer in the spring, supposedly.

Maybe all this better explains why I have not been all that eager to work on my computer in any capacity. It just seems obvious to me that the Lord is allowing all this to get our attention about something.

~ My Lord, thank you for precious friends, those who choose us and become like family in our hearts. Thank you that delete does not necessarily mean gone for good and that things lost are just "things". Thank you for the desire to change and try new or different things, ingenuity to do with what we have when we must or just should, the blessing in sharing our hearts with each other, and the grace You give us every day. ~

On the Road Again!

Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.
~Matsuo Basho

We are packing up tonight and should be on the road in the morning to go back home with a cat in a pillowcase, a hamster who tends to sleep in the strangest positions when traveling, and a dog who is nicknamed "Tail of Destruction" for a good reason. I am just wondering how it all will go. You see, on our way here, the cat peeked out the pillowcase and immediately got hot and began panting as he does just before getting carsick. However, I covered him up and moved him to the floor so he calmed down; the pillowcase has been the only method of transportation that worked with him. Now before that near-miss incident at a gas station and before we actually started the trip, Jamie did something completely unexpected and new just after I got him into the pillowcase and was placing him in my lap: he peed.

After a delay of about twenty minutes with cleaning up, changing pillowcases, and thanking the Lord for the Febreze made especially for animal smells since an area on the car seat was victimized, we were officially on our way. After lunch, the Tail of Destruction, living up to her name, knocked over the Princess' lemonade. Thankfully most of it landed on the towel on the floor of the van, but some areas of the carpet were soaked. As we were cleaning that up, we noticed the hamster in his most comical sleeping position with his feet and tail in the air, had a good laugh, and eventually we were on our way again.

What will happen on our trip tomorrow? I am almost afraid to think of the possibilities!

We have been in Florida for two weeks, long enough to get most paperwork rolling with the financial business after Dad's passing. We picked up the simple and beautiful cherry wood box containing Dad's ashes on Wednesday along with death certificates and mailed them out with necessary paperwork that same afternoon. Mom has decided to stay in her home at least for now and it looks to be affordable at this time, but we are concerned about her getting lonely, taking care of the house alone, and, oh, just everything complicated with us being a day's drive away and the only remaining family. As the holidays are approaching, we are thinking that the first Christmas after a love one passes is particularly difficult and we cannot visit on every upcoming holiday.

Regardless, at this time tomorrow we should be home!

Home...I really am looking forward to being home again. We usually are completely unpacked the evening of our return with a load of clothes in the washer, whites this time. Hopefully, we are returning in the prime of autumn's color explosion and maybe we can still make a trip to the apple country, as we usually do about this time of year. So far, my husband is not being asked to travel on Monday and I am looking forward to Sunday services at our church as well as making a loaf of sourdough bread and a batch of yogurt perhaps on Sunday or Monday in my own kitchen.

Monday morning the Princess will groan when I remind her that we shall be doing lessons and I will again hear her nimble fingers playing tunes on her piano, even though we did bring my keyboard so she would not lose practice time. Then all will be back into order...with some changes, perhaps better order than before. Whenever I have a break like this, I tend to reassess my goals and I hope to make some changes in my lifestyle to achieve them.

~ My Lord, please drawn close to my husband's mother, so she feels Your presence in her life and so she will not feel so lonely. Please bless our trip home. ~

My Daughter Said the "H" Word...Again!

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones

It started a month ago. My daughter again became fascinated with it and since then I have heard this word at least once a day, more often most days, and it makes me cringe every single time she says it. I have explained how horrible it is, how it cannot be pleasing to God, and certainly is not pleasing to her mother! I have given all the reasons she should put it out of her mind. I have tried to not make a big deal of it thinking that she will give up, that it is a phase...but it appears to be bigger than the both of us.

I truly despise...Halloween!

If you are new to reading my blog, here are some thoughts I wrote down last year on this subject:
October's Thorn
Are We Standing Firm?

The Princess begins tactfully telling me she is not trying to upset me and that she is just curious, but day after day from the first of September the name of this unholy-day has been voiced. I thought it would be a bit easier this year because we have our TV service turned off, so no commercials about horror movies—I cannot tell you what a blessing it is not to have any invitation available to that ghastly invasion that normally crashes into my living room and stays unwelcomed for weeks upon weeks this year!—but apparently it seeps in anyway. First it was in a magazine that she gets regularly. Then the catalogs with costumes began coming. Then the stores had easily recognized black and orange items and scary green faces and cracking laughs, screams, hollow footsteps, heartbeats, or moans set off unexpectedly when you walk near those hi-tech motion sensor decorations. I am tired of it already and we still have the entire month of October to go through!

Finally, I said it. I said it in complete frustration of not being able to stop it from ruining another beautiful autumn season for me, from stealing my peace, from coming into my home, and from going into my child's mind and heart. I said we would celebrate Halloween. I was just as shocked that my lips formed the words with my tongue cooperating as I am seeing the words appear as my fingers are typing it out right now. I felt a wretched twist inside of myself, that warning that you have done something terribly harmful and wicked that you will never be able to take back. It was as if I betrayed someone by breaking a solemn oath, as if I cursed out loud in front of my daughter, as if I had spit on my Lord. I was immediately sick and in tears, but I hid this from my daughter thinking the next words I would hear: "Really? You mean it? I would like to be a princess!"

Then my daughter said, "Mama, no!"

Usually, she is not allowed to say no to me, but these were sweet sounds...ones that I will cherish, because in those words she gave me peace again.

I am not sure if she is just trying to please me, because she does do that sometimes, when she knows I am strongly against something. I am hoping she understands what we have explained as to why her father and I are against anything to do with it, even some church alternatives borrowing some of the traditions that seem fun and innocent.

We had planned to watch a movie and make popcorn balls and caramel apples, but we had not looked at the calendar. This year October 31st falls on Sunday and our church will be having a potluck dinner and games. There has been no mention of a trunk and treat kind of thing and I am hoping it stays that way. We can do the movie thing another day and I am sure the Princess will remind us.

~ My Lord, help us worship You daily in all we do. ~

Apple Country in Autumn

Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all. ~Stanley Horowitz

It has become a tradition to take a trip to the apple country in northern Georgia. This year we went a little too late to see the greatest splendor of autumn in the mountains, but it was still beautiful. Autumn just is beautiful.

We always visit this small scenic rest stop on the way. This place beckons us with an abundance of playful leaves and trees pleading to climbed by a giggling child. There is nothing there but a few picnic tables, a monument, and the view.

Then we travel further north for just a few minutes towards a town with a funny little name, Ellijay. We stop at a place called Panorama Orchards with its old country charm. Since we went on a weekday this time, it is not as busy and it took less time to look around. We purchased apple sour dough bread, cider, blueberry rock candy (which the Princess tightly holds in her hand until after lunch) and a few pecks of apples of three varieties to make apple pies and applesauce.

Afterward we went on to Fort Mountain State Park. We did not go up to the fort this time, but decided on the playground and picnic area near the lake. There was no one around as it was a school day, just one of the perks of homeschooling, although the Princess would have enjoyed playing with some children at the playground. Usually we run into a homeschooling family or two at this park, but not this time so we improvised. I have to say that it is difficult to keep the camera still when the dog's leash is around my arm and she is interested in testing the boundaries while I am recording!

For lunch, we had crackers with cheese and, of course, apples, then we explored a bit. We stopped at another scenic view spot on the mountain where I took pictures and was intrigued how the hills looked striped with evergreens among the few colored leaves left on bare branches of the deciduous trees.

Autumn is really a wonderful illustration of life. I know that science explains that the chlorophyll is lost so the leaves turn to the colors they would be without this green pigmenting chemical. Sometimes I wonder if knowing how it works takes away from the exquisiteness of autumn. To me, autumn displays the essence of the spiritual life. While the leaves become vibrant, the tree is stripped of its dressing and stands exposed until it is adorn in its new life. We are here to love the Lord, to grow in our faith, to be the radiance of His glory, and in so doing, die to ourselves exposing who we really are so we can be adorned in the Kingdom of my Lord.

Autumn is just truly beautiful.

~ My Lord, thank you for autumn with its colorful lesson about the purpose of life. ~

Sunday Morning in the Dark

All humans realize they are loved when witnessing the dawn; early morning is the truimph of good over evil. Absolved by light we decide to go on. ~ Rufus Wainwright

I wake most mornings in darkness, not because I must but just because I most always have. I like the quiet solitude of the early morning before everyone else is up and with their conversation and noise making. It is not that I need time to wake up. No, my mind is active immediately when I realize consciousness. I have a rather active mind with many thoughts flooding in before my eyelids have unveiled my whereabouts. Within mere minutes I am up and out of bed, compelled by an urge that I cannot name, but that has been with me since I can remember.

In the dark of the morning is illumination.
In the quiet of the morning is beginning.
In the dream of the morning is awakening.

There is nothing so awe-inspiring as the dawning of an autumn day. For most of my life I have thought that every colorful sunrise I witnessed was a magnificent display of my Lord's artwork. I often wondered if He did it just for me; if anyone else really appreciated it; if it gave anyone, besides me, a better perspective of how small and helpless we all really are and yet...so loved by He who has the power to extinguish all life in a breath and, in spite of everything, chooses to grant us one more day of living.

The science of the sunrise is amazing in itself, although I prefer a description laced with a bit of mysticism. Think about it! Small droplets of water suspended in the air dense enough to form clouds of seemingly nothingness have the most powerful source of energy in our solar system radiating another form of nothingness called light on to them creating colorful shapes in the sky which change moment to moment with air flows, another force of seemingly nothingness, and the ever-changing angle of the sun briefly lasting while perceiver's line of sight is just right and then...it is gone, just gone. It is nothingness. There will never be a canvas like it ever again. If ever there was something that shouts in silence of the nothingness, "God is here," this is it.

God is here....awaken.

~ Thank you, my Lord, for another autumn sunrise and for being here when I wake. ~

October's Thorn

Other holidays have become less important. Halloween is the exception. It has become more important. ~ Howard Davidowitz

I have come to dread October. It really saddens me because autumn is my favorite time of year with all its colors and cooling breezes, but with it comes one holiday that I detest—a word I rarely use so when I do it is easily recognized that I really mean it.

For over a month, most movies featured on TV are horror films and I don't mean those old black and white films that became classics, but truly terrifying scenes in full color with blood and special effects that make them all too real. They would give me nightmares even today and I have no interest in watching them at all.

Our new next door neighbors began decorating for Halloween within days of moving in at the end of September. Even while they still have things to unpack from moving boxes in the garage, every front window is covered with a variety of ghosts, witches, and other Halloween decorations, lights glowing on the porch at nights, and tombstones in a fake graveyard. The boy thinks it is weird that we do not celebrate Halloween, just one more thing in a list of what he thinks is weird about us.

It all seems so innocence, even secular, to most people, including many of my fellow Christians, who have chosen to see it as just a fun dress up and candy holiday; I am not condemning their customs or beliefs. A few pagan acquaintances, particularly those of honoring Celtic gods, are quick to remind me of how many pagan symbols Christians have adopted into our own holidays and religions customs and there are many. Yet, there is no one holiday like Halloween, when scary, evil, and occult attributes are celebrated, or at least imitated, so openly and widely. I did not really like it that much when I was a child, as it just seemed to me that big kids found it fun and allowable to scare little kids or do mischievous things to people's houses.

While my husband points out to the Princess that it is going to neighbors to beg for candy, even the cute saying of "trick or treat" is actually a threat, something a child does not need to learn as appropriate to say even if he has no thought to follow through with mischief. It has also been a dangerous holiday. I lived in a city where trick-or-treating was banned for two years because so many children were being hurt by the "treats"—the trick was in the treat. Sick people.

I appreciate that Catholic church tried to create a Christian alternative to pagan celebrations by moving All Saint's Day from May 13 to November 1, hence the name Hallowe'en (All Hallow's Eve). Still, this holiday really does no honor to my Lord as I see it and for that reason we have chosen not to celebrate Halloween at all.

That being said, the older my daughter gets, the harder it is for her not to want to participate. Yesterday the Princess and her daddy went to help with the 4-H horse ride and games at the Haunted Junkyard during the early afternoon when the Halloween activities are not of a scary nature—not that this makes it more acceptable to me, but it is a compromise that seems to work, since my daughter is of the age to understand the difference and she loves being with the horses. Next weekend we have a choice to help there or at another location, a store called the Tractor Supply Co. The latter is my choice.

Next weekend among a number of other activities, my church is having a "Trunk and Treat," which is a poor play on words really, but the term seems to have stuck. The children can dress up and "beg for candy" from the trunk of each car. (I am describing this for my friends who are in other countries possibly shaking their heads in wonder as I imagine I might do myself if I did not live here to see it.) This is the first time we will be participating, and there will be other activities and food as well.

However, that does not change the fact that on October 31st costumed children will be knocking on our door, even though we leave our porch lights off and close the drapes. Even though we have never given out candy since we have lived here, they still stomp on our porch to knock as the dog barks. Little eyes try looking into the windows, as if this yearly ritual gives them the right to invade your privacy (which is why we now draw the drapes), and we try to ignore them hoping that they will not be the type of children to do tricks, as some do. We do not answer the door because once the door opens, there is a deluge of children thinking you gave some candy away even as the other children walk away saying we are not giving candy.

There is no other time we will see most of these children. Some are even dropped off in our neighborhood by van loads and do not even live here. They run quickly through the neighborhood and then pile into the van to go to the next one. Every child gets more candy than he should eat in a year!

I know. I sound like the Halloween Scrooge. I did warn you that I detest this holiday, didn't I?

~ My Lord, please keep the children safe and unafraid this coming Halloween. Next weekend may our church have a good number of children, who will learn about You. ~