The Mental Health Mask is Off!

The best cure for an off day is a day off.
~ Frank Tyger

To Whom It May Concern,

Please excuse me from my normal duties as I am having an abnormal inability to think, make decisions, or to...I cannot even remember what I was going to write now. And, I think my mask for appearing mentally healthy is too worn and broken to use right now. My body seems achy all over as if begging me to stay cozy under nice warm blankets. My motivation seems to have gone somewhere...without me. I have been falling asleep when I sit down in a chair for more than five minutes. I have not been blogging because it just seemed like one more thing to do that required thinking and sitting for more than five minutes! I have been feeling too tired to go to bed most nights. My daughter has the holiday fever cannot focus on her lessons and I want to cry just thinking about trying to get even a minute of math out of her. I have felt unusually burdened for so many people lately...so very burdened that I feel there is not enough hours in each day to do nothing else but pray for them all. I am sorry that I am not more of the woman I wish I was, but if I don't get some rest today, tomorrow I may complete lose my mind—actually, I am even not sure I still have it! How does one know she has not lost it if she has?

Sincerely,
SeekingmyLord

Yes, I AM taking a mental health day for me! Of course, my daughter is thrilled there will be no lessons. I am not sure what I am going to do today, I only know what I am not going to do. I have not blogged for weeks and I might do that, or not. This is why I need a mental health day, I cannot even make up my mind about what to do. Maybe I should just do nothing and rest, maybe I should do something that will make me feel better about my home, like clean up an area or two—particularly my desk! There is something therapeutic in mundane housecleaning if one has the energy to do it, but the question: do I have the energy? Maybe I should just help my daughter with her piano and cuddle up as she finishes reading a book that we absolutely must return to the library tomorrow. Tomorrow...my husband has a board meeting at the church and my daughter has a rehearsal at 2:00 pm for some little program they will be doing for Sunday service but then they are having a party afterward, as if she needs any more sweets than she has had. I need to return library books and pay my overdue fees, I think it was just one day I owe as I was late renewing them.

My husband is home next week because his company shuts down and he has to take a mandatory week's vacation and that is the week we finally have no plans so we all can just chill out. I think I may even get out a jigsaw puzzle to do and we will play games every day. We still have to wrap presents for the Princess and not all of them have arrived. I am thankful that we were able to be generous this year—even though I am sure that she gets too much as it is, still it is not everything she wants. When she was younger she would ask only for one thing, like her mama. Now she wants many things but when it boils down...well, on her own she wrote to Santa that she wanted these two things: riding lessons and a doll that is three feet tall. She didn't want that doll until she saw it in a catalog recently and she really wants one—what she really wants is a sibling and this is her way of a substitute I think—but of course they are out. Besides that clothes for the doll cost more than the ones I buy for my daughter (being that I buy consignment)! I would write more but I have a daughter that reads quite well and tends to look over my shoulder when I am blogging or proofreading so....cliffhanger.

Being that I have been so tired and mostly unable to do anything more than the necessities, I cannot believe that I reorganized my entire pantry last night, something I did not plan to do but it was necessary to find space to fit the groceries I bought. I actually looked at the dates on the labels to be sure the oldest were in front. I think I will make some kind of bean and veggie soup with noodles for our dinner so that we can get the older things out. The Princess will probably not like it and it is not my favorite either, but I have lots of cans of beans and tomatoes bought on very good sales that need to eaten. Even though I had plenty at home, yesterday I bought Muir Glen organic tomatoes for just 50 cents a can! They were on sale for $1.50 and there was a coupon for $1.00 each can. People always tell me how expensive organic food is but there are real deals now and then. I remember getting bags of Cascadian Farm organic frozen vegetables for as little as 20 cents each the same way and I think I got 50 bags of veggies during that sale.

Oddly, as tired as I was last night, it felt really good to reorganize the pantry and a part of the freezer. Now the kitchen food cabinets could use it too. I eyed them some last night and move a few things around, but...it got to be late.

I am rambling and I know it; perhaps proof that I have not lost my mind completely and it actually "feels good" to blog again. Maybe I will finish a few others in draft mode that I started. It may be good therapy for my mental health.

~ My Lord, You are such an awesome God. I am ashamed of how I complain when I have so much when so many others lack. I don't deserve Your blessings and I am so thankful for them. Thank you for giving me this day to rest and recharge. ~