Truth is so obscure in these times, and falsehood so established, that, unless we love the truth, we cannot know it. ~Blaise Pascal
Ever since reading the book, To Be Perfectly Honest, I have been toying with the idea of making a resolution to be absolutely truthful for one year, actually for the rest of my life but I might chronicle my struggle with the first year here on this blog.
I usually do not make New Year's resolutions...well, I should say that when I have made such resolutions in more recent years, I did not make them public so that my failures would remain unknown. Resolutions are about changing habits, so the question would be is do I make a habit of lying? In all honesty, I have lied--such a very strange confession now that I see it in writing. I try not to lie, but when I have made the choice to do so I had a good rationalization like it would hurt someone more to tell the truth or it could be used against me. I pretty sure that my Lord would see my rationalizations as a thin veil attempting to cover the sin in my heart.
I do not like making oaths because I feel I would not agree to do anything that I should already be doing, but...again, in all honesty, I have not been doing what I should or else I would not consider making this commitment.
How honest have I been? Mostly, I am an honest person, but not all the time. I will tell myself that I was being tactful or just stretching the truth a bit or telling the story as I wish it had happened or protecting someone's feelings or just acting to make it work better for everyone. I have probably dozens of rationalizations that I have used to calm any guilt feelings.
I do not like hurting people's feelings with honesty, as righteous as it is. I have done it. I have lost friends by doing it--I have so few friends these days. I suppose I should think it is better to lose a few friends by being honest than to hurt my relationship with God through dishonesty.
Where does one draw the line with honesty? I suppose there should be no line, but...you know, this is far more complicated than it should be and I suspect that is because of my denial of dishonesty. I believe being honest will simplify my life and maybe it does after the veils of lies are shed.
You know that old axiom: Be careful for what you pray? I am almost afraid to pray about being honest. I just know that numerous situations will emerge in which I will struggle with being honest. Yet, I also believe I am being led to do this.
So, here I am ready to continue on with my journey to be more like Jesus than I have been. Would you like to come along...honestly?
~ My Lord, my faith is in You. I am unable to be honest on my own, only through You can I attempt to be a disciple of Your Truth. ~
