Wednesday, September 6, 2017

A Fork in the Path of My Life

It is not your business to succeed, but to do right; when you have done so, the rest lies with God. -C.S. Lewis

I am sitting here at my computer contemplating....where I am in my life, how to get my house back in order (which is overwhelming me), getting back to homeschooling, keeping my daughter moving on the path I know that the Lord has set before her in this season, but more than all that, I am trying to find my footing as to my own path, which at this time seems to be in service between my daughter and my husband...is that all there is for me? Am I doing what God wishes of me?

Then there is this: My husband and I have come to that place where we see a fork, a place of decision where we must choose to take only one direction in the road of our lives, because we have pretty much ruled out standing in the same place and just looking at the fork. One way is far more predictable in its destination and has been a long time dream of ours, while the other—well, it could wind around to the same destination or go some undiscovered place that we will love more or...to a place we would never hope to go with all kinds of regrets. Actually, the predictable way will have as many regrets because the other way has so much potential and yet-to-be-tried possibilities.


There have been a few—very few and now very precious—times when my husband and I stepped out in faith to do something we thought was completely illogical, far too risky, and quite possibly insane, except we also felt strongly that our Lord was telling us to do it and even though the voices of reason in my brain told me I should worry—and I did—still every time I went to the Lord, I was immediately at peace.

It is the difference between seeing is believing and believing is seeing (or believing in the unseen). In this material world, in our flesh, we look for safety and security, which is a desire at odds with our spirit. Our spiritual part looks to be closer to God, who is the only real safe and secure place to be, and that is its sole goal, except for bringing others closer to God as well. However, we are blind to the spiritual realms; at least, most of us cannot see and feel what is spiritual in the same way, with that same undeniable certainty, as we do what is made of matter. For instance, gravity is a undeniable certainty that everyone recognizes, but many people without the experience think that those of us who claim to hear God are...crazy, because to the unbeliever (or even unbelieving believer) hearing voices in your head is a mental disorder, especially if you think it is God talking to you (rather than except when it is God talking to you). However, developing spiritual senses is difficult and usually involves discomfort (not encouraging feelings of being safe and secure) in the material realm, the thing we try to avoid, but never really do. On the other hand, there is confirmation and manifestation of the spiritual into the material and that is when you see validation of what was believed, as in prophetic words come to pass as well as miracles and healings happen.

Sunday morning, my husband and I walked into our church service. As the praise and worship band started, I stood up and looked over to my husband who was messing with his phone, to turn it off, and waiting for him to stand with me. I had a momentary prayerful thought. You know the type where you simply think, "Lord, I feel a bit lost as to what I am supposed to do...," and you let that just trail off. I was not really expecting an answer, at least not immediately. However, as soon as my husband stood up and I tried to begin to sing, I had to sit down or I would have been on the floor. My Lord, apparently had much to say to me and it was going to be said right then, so I blocked out all the praising that I really wanted to do and just listened.

First, He told me how pleased He was with what we are doing for the Princess. Having her play piano at the restaurants, starting to teach piano, preparing for the competition next year, and even buying the grand. I felt His sweet approval for us all walking on the path open to all opportunities that He had provided for her. And I have noticed some changes in her; she is having less meltdowns and showing more respect and maturity...not all the time, but those few and far between occurrences are becoming more frequent.

Second, was about my husband...that new thing we had been thinking and talking about trying to decide if it really is the direction my Lord wants us to take, the risky one. The one that causes too much of an emotional reaction to be sure I am hearing God clearly. He was telling me that He had prepared the way and He is blessing us. Still, I asked for signs. I asked for three. My husband had asked for two.

My husband's first sign came when he was working out of state last week. One night he woke quite early in the morning and the framework of it all was just pouring out so fast that he actually did a voice recording so he would not forget anything. I would also count that as my first one as well.

My second sign was in that moment during the praise portion of the Sunday service. The third for me and the second for my husband was at the end of the service. Our pastor said he had been praying in tongues for hours throughout the week and he could have easily given everyone there a prophetic word. I remember thinking that he will probably not be calling on us, but he felt led to call out five and we were the fourth ones. As soon as he called our names, I was smiling and in tears. I knew that was going to be it, another sign.

He told us that God has seen all the things we have been doing in secret, things people did not know but that God did, and that He was going to bless us. He included the word "promotion."

My husband and I were particularly quiet as we left until we came home to sit down for lunch. I shared what my Lord had told me and, since the Princess was helping with the children during service, we told her about what the pastor had said. I asked my husband how he interpreted the term "promotion," to which he said that he tried not to think of the way he did but...he saw it as the second of the two signs for which he had asked. (Yeah, it was my third of three, too.) Then I learned during that conversation that my husband had thought I had talked to the pastor about what we were considering. I corrected him saying that I had not said a thing about it to anyone at the church...just one or two long distant friends.

About nine years ago when my husband had lost his job, due to downsizing, and was out of work for the first time in his life, I spent hours on my knees in prayer and many days of fasting asking that he would be able to get a job before the severance pay ran out and I believed that my Lord told me that he would. We had just received the last check when he was called in to interview for a job based solely on his reputation (because even though he had submitted a resume, it was lost in the sea of data because it did not specifically fit the job description, a problem when you are versatile, I guess) and was given it that day. It did not pay as well as we were used to, but it was a job and we did not even have to pay one bill late. Two years later, still having only one vehicle and eking by, we felt the Lord asked us to double our tithe for six months, which was really crazy, because we would have to use up the meager reserves we had and every thing seemed to break, but we had no money to fix anything. On the sixth month my husband was called out of the blue by a recruiter who had come across his resume from three years before when he lost his job. He was offered a better paying job and promised opportunities, but those opportunities never manifested.

What I never told my husband is that when I was spending all that time praying and fasting as he was out of work, my Lord not only told me that he would have a job before we spent the last severance check, but that he would be "like a CEO." But that was about nine years ago and it has not happened at through the last two employers. Now I am thinking that God said "like a CEO," because if He had told me that my husband would be self-employed, I think He knew I would have lost it completely or just never really accepted it. In honesty, we could not have done it then or even all these years later, we simply did not have a safety net of savings, but now...now it is a possibility.

But this is a one time deal, really. It is only because my husband has his inheritance, so if the business does not work out well, all that is gone and we have nothing to work toward our dream of having a small homestead. If instead we buy property and set up a little homestead, at least we will have that, but he will be stuck where he is as to his work. Yet, there is the possibility that we do both: that he has his own business and does so well that we can get the homestead property too, we just may have to wait a bit longer to get there.

There are several customers that request him. They would rather have him do all their work, because he strives to actually fix their machines, tries to save them money, is honest with them, and has good business ethics, besides he is one of the best in technical skills. I am bragging, yes, but it is true that he is the most popular and requested technician among the customers, which is why he travels and works more hours than most of his co-workers.

So, if we are to start a self-employment business, then I will be managing the office, so to speak, which I used to do. I actually was the office manager of a small sailboat manufacturer when I lived in Florida, so I did it all: payroll, buying parts and supplies, accounts payable and receivable, banking, sales receipts, letters, answer phones, make coffee (that I never drank), keep the president on schedule, and just about anything else they asked me to do. As it is, I am taking a guess that if my husband works ten full days a month with the fees he is planning to charge, that should cover all our expenses with a bit to spare, so if he works more than that, we should do well. Also, the company he works for presently also has hired contractors in the past and since customers request him, it would be beneficial for the company to contract him for some jobs as well.

Just a month ago, the company offered a former contracted tech a higher income than my husband makes and that is because they are desperate to hire more techs, even though they treat the ones they have badly and gave them all insulting raises in the spring, not even covering the rise in living expenses for the last three years since their last insulting raises. My husband has brought in about a third of their field techs. Most of those worked under him in another company and respect him. The guys call him when they have a problem, basically, both the men in the field and the manager treat my husband as is he is a field manager, which he was promised again just months ago, but it still has not happened. The stress between his mother's affairs, which are finally settled...mostly, and his job has aged him and he is too worn out to put any effort into starting out on his own right now.

And then there is this: Even though we both think God is guiding us to this, even though we think He has provided the signs, even though we are willing to try this, we do not have that certainty because it is so risky and emotionally charged. However, there is one thing my husband said that we agree on: If that is the path God wants us to take, it will work out.


My Lord, You have led us through some tough times and hard decisions. I trust You will lead us through this one as well and may the outcome be a testimony that glorifies You!

2 comments:

  1. I have read. I think I have a sense of where the Lord wants you but I would not say it is a word from Him just yet. Will continue to hold your need in prayer before the throne of grace. xxx

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    Replies
    1. Well, we are still just looking a the fork. One day I think one thing and the another day I think another thing. Presently, we are distracted by the hurricanes so others things to be concerned about that are more demanding.

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Thank you fellow travelers for walking and talking with me along this journey.