For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. ~ Philippians 4:8 (Amplified Bible)
I am again considering the person I want to be and how I am not that person. I want a simpler life. I want to be spending more of my time playing games with my daughter (besides doing lessons), working out, reading, writing, practicing music, creating artwork, doing needlework, studying the Bible, praying,...actually, I want to do all the things that make me feel drawn to my Lord. I want to walk with Him every day and in everything I do. That is what I want...or I think I want, but I rarely do, so I really don't want it, at least not enough. Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something. ~ Oracle (The Matrix)
I have been considering for what I am waiting and why I resist doing the things I really believe in my heart is the "real" me. I think television is one of my crutches (with the second being the computer). I enjoy sci-fi and with all the special effects they can do now, I relish it even more. So, is that who I am? A sci-fi technie or an artist? Can I really be both? Not that sci-fi is bad of itself, but it seems to drawn my mind away from my Lord, from the here and now, from quiet creative pursuits so that my mind is free to converse with my Lord.
This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. ~ Yoda in Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
I feel I am never really "in the moment," but always looking beyond it or trying to escape from it and yet in each moment is my Lord.
I must confess that once the TV is on, it stays on until everyone is in bed, and it rarely is on before 4:00 PM, unless I am sick and cannot do lessons. We pretty much stick to just certain shows and we do not watch mindless sitcoms, talk shows, or soap operas. We do watch educational shows but not all the time and even though we are selective even many of the recreational shows we watch have elements that are not worthy to be in our thoughts.
When I am craving foods I should not, I set a time aside for fasting as it breaks that habit. I suppose I need to fast from the TV. In honesty, my daughter is mentally healthier in this respect than I am, as she will watch one show or movie and once it is done, she is off on creative pursuits like drawing or playing or decorating the house for a party she has planned, but I am still sitting there often or leaving it on for background noise—and the only reason I can think of as to why I do that is because I am lonely....No, that is really not it, even though I use that excuse in my own thoughts. It really is something to occupy my mind so that I can escape thinking on the things I should be, on my Lord. I am running away from Him. I have to face that. This is why I am lonely, I think.
TV occupies so much of my time and it is empty. It uses up time that I could be pursuing creative interests and actually producing something worthwhile. Now I can do some needlework while watching, but I then am not really watching it. I am in such a rut. I know in my mind that I am waiting to do things in the future that I could be doing now, but there is always an excuse.
I have thought about turning off the TV service for a few months again; we did that before when money was very tight. Then when we watched a DVD, it was what we chose and when it was over, the TV went off. We have a large number of DVDs of many genres and no commercials! I have to say that the commercials are alarming these days; we usually pause and then fly through them thanks to the DVR set up. It is nice to choose a movie on DVD and not have commercials to worry about. However, our regular DVD player is not working, so we cannot watch a movie or VeggieTales occasionally as a restful treat on a weekend or a raining day, although if we turn off the service for a few months we can use that money saved to buy a new one—something worth considering.
Many of the new and some of the older shows my husband or I would like to see, he can do on the evenings he is away or we can watch them online, as so many are now available to watch through the Internet that we really don't need a TV service, but the downside is that we also would lose access to the educational channels and shows. I suppose it comes down to I just need to regulate myself and cultivate the desire to seek my Lord more.
~ My Lord, I detest being controlled be my own self-imposed addictions. Please give me strength and guidance to become the person You would have me to be and be a good example for my daughter also. ~
