It is usually a surprise to discover that most ugliness we see in others is but a reflection of our own nature. ~Unknown
It takes only about twenty minutes to reach the farm and parents are supposed to drop the children off and not stay. Before I was done signing the release of liability papers, my daughter excitedly had been paired with a teenager and had trotted off to the stables, forgetting our customary good-bye kiss, which caused a twinge in my heart, but I recovered quickly being that she was so enthusiastic get to the horses—an overwhelming feeling I well understood. She was in the barn, papers were signed, and my part was done. Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were thrown up over my head and I heard "Freedom!" come out of my mouth as the adults now behind me giggled and I practically danced back to the van for the twenty minute drive home.
Here I was with a full five hours and twenty minutes to do whatever I wanted...alone...without having to think of an answer to even one child's question...oh, yes, I was counting every precious minute. So what did I decide to do? I called a friend while I tackled the child's room. I cleaned up some things and removed some things, things she would never let go of but were no longer necessary to her and just adding clutter, and began preparing some of her outgrown summer clothes which would be going into a consignment sale for this week.
Now I have to say that my daughter has always kept her room pretty nicely, so other parents tell me. I have been a stickler for having things put away, but I can see that I am not as diligent in following up as I once was and she has gotten a bit careless in one respect and better at purposely hiding things in another. The things you find in a child's room! There were at least four pairs of knotted socks tucked away all in a corner of her closet under the hanging organizer where they had been easily missed with just a glance in...and I will be doing more than glancing at that special little hiding spot from now on.
The next night I found three pairs of shoes—technically, two pairs of shoes and one pair of boots—under the large ottoman in the living room with three pairs of knotted socks. I asked her put them away and her solution was to unknot the socks (for which she would be very thankful later that she did remember to do without me reminding her) before placing them in the laundry hamper and then dump the three pairs of footwear in her room....I thought she had done the job a little too quickly so I asked, "Did you put the shoes away in the closet?" When you get that look, (if you are a parent, I am sure you know what look I am talking about) and then "I'll go look," as my friend Birbitt said, that translates into something like "No, I didn't, but I don't want to tell you because I will get into trouble and I am going to do it right now." We then had a conversation about piles being moved from one room to another and yet still being piles and there was the closet just two or three more steps away with vacancies for all her footwear, so instead of another pile that drives Mama crazy—admittedly Mama does not do well with clutter and piles certainly qualify—she really should put them away where they belong the first time. "While we are at it, did you unknot those socks before you placed them in the hamper?"
This is not the same little girl I have known for the last eight years, who when asked to put things away she actually put them their place. I find myself telling myself that she is turning nine as if that is explanation enough. At least, it seems to be when I tell other parents, who then give that look of understanding, but somehow that is just not good enough a reason for me.
Although the time was too short—odd how that works because the first time she went to this day camp in the summer of last year it seemed too long—I did look forward to picking up my Princess and hearing all about her day...and heard I did. Instead of hearing about horses, however I heard all about a little girl I will call Alice, who was mean to her. We were sitting in the van, while the Princess, now starving, was scarfing down the remaining half of her sandwich and apple slices (I told you she eats slowly, but when with other children, she just forgets to eat at all...she gets that from me as well, I think) and she began to unravel the tale of events. Now, being that I am no longer as young or as impulsive so perhaps a bit wiser in how I approach such things, I listened and tried to imagine the parts my daughter was not telling me. You know, your own child is always the innocent victim and although she has been one to tell on herself in the past...she also has grown to be a bit wiser now, I think.
It seems that most of this started with the chickens. The farm has a few chickens who like setting up their own daily egg hunts and one was making a fuss in one of the empty horse stalls, so my Princess thought it might be trying to lay in there because we had just been there Friday evening to help with cleaning stalls, grooming, and feeding, and she found one egg in that very stall then. Well, there was a discussion and one of the children said that chickens lay five eggs a day. Knowing my daughter, she probably was quick to correct that and say they only lay one a day and not every day. I am fuzzy on who said what, up until Alice told my daughter that she did not know anything about chickens with a great deal of attitude (even though she was right about the once a day laying, the Princess was quick to add).
The funniest part of all the things she told me was when Alice said that the money spent on the camp was wasted because my daughter (and possibly others, at that point) were being mean to her. Her mother had paid money for her to be there and they were ruining it for her so that money was just wasted. At that point, one of the other children stood up and said that her parents had paid money for her to be there also, so had all the parents. (Good for her!)
I still am getting bits and pieces of that day now and then, but this was the general gist of it...Alice was mean and so were the other children at first, my Princess ended up in tears three times that day and even considered quitting the club, Alice was not obeying the teen leaders at times, and later the other children were nicer to my daughter and not as nice to the other girl.
Getting the only most dramatic parts at that time, I asked the Princess to stay in the van and went over to ask the farm owner her opinion of what had occurred. She was not really aware, but one of the teens in charge was present. I asked if my daughter had started all this. The teen told me that none of the teens knew what happened the first time, but the second and third incidents, my Princess had not done anything to start the trouble.
Then I listened to disconnected details all the way home and I listened well for there was a lesson in each snippet. One was the general attitude of the girl towards my Princess was so very similar to the attitude the Princess had been having towards me of late. The other was when the girl was told to apologize to my Princess, she said "Sorry," without real remorse and turned away quickly with a great deal of attitude that more than suggested otherwise. At that point, I had to really reign in what I wanted to say and listen to the Lord speak to my heart. (I should say that I was just like this myself so I knew what approaches did not work well and knew I needed my Lord's guidance to handle it the best way.) I asked my Princess how that made her feel and I sincerely sympathized with her for several minutes, but then, teary-eyed, I reminded her of how her attitude has been and how she has been apologizing to me lately....the silence was golden.
I have always believed that the Lord brings to my daughter just what she needs. As odd as it sounds, I cannot tell you how reassuring this day was to me. I wish it had been avoided and she only had a good time, but I was reminded that my Lord will provide the discipline she needs in other ways when her father is unavailable and I am inadequate to the task at a given time. It reminded me that I am not alone when my husband is so far, but that my Lord is not only with me, He is taking care of all things quite well for my family.
~ Thank you, my Lord, for providing what my daughter needs in every way. ~
