Friday, October 26, 2012

Sick (and Tired)

In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  ~Author Unknown

Even though my brain is not exactly working on all thrusters--and I write that because it disturbs me that you might not notice the difference--I will attempt to describe the last few weeks of my life. Let's see, three weeks ago my husband's mother woke in the very early morning with a familiar acute symptoms that happen when she is passing a kidney stone so she asked visiting family members of a nearby neighbor to take her to the hospital and take care of her dog. Her dog is in a very fragile state and needs lots of extra care. This time the doctor wanted to insert a stent, which is a minor surgery.

When Mom gave him that news, my husband decided to fly down to Florida to help out. The Princess had been begging to see her grandma for months so I suggested she go as well and let me have a break as I was pretty burned out. We used up all our SkyMiles on this one because it was booked on the day of the flight, but it did not cost us anything. I believe that was on Sunday afternoon.

They took over care for the dog and visited Mom at the hospital. They were booked to return on Friday, but as it happened Mom did not pass the stone and her heart began beating out of rhythm, so she was still in the hospital on Friday. Now, here's the thing. My mother-in-law takes medication for high blood pressure regularly and anxiety as needed, and whenever she is given news she does not like--for instance, "you will not be released today because you have not passed the stone" and later "your heartbeat is irregular so you need more tests"--it is very likely her anxiety level goes up and when her anxiety level increases it is very likely it could and would effect her blood pressure, therefore her heart as well. My husband told the hospital she would be checking out, after this cycle started getting too obvious and ridiculous. A few hours after she knew she was going home, her heart was fine--big surprise! She went home after my husband dropped off our daughter at the airport.

I jumped ahead a bit. My husband had taken a whole week off from work and was asked to work in Tampa (three hours away on the other side of Florida) the next week. At that point, Mom was still in the hospital and my daughter was still in Florida too. My husband was determined to have Mom home on Sunday afternoon at the latest but he was not absolutely certain about that and he could not get a seat on the same flight so the Princess would be flying back...ALONE!

Now I know she has flown a few times with her father and I know the flight attendants are very attentive of the unaccompanied children, but that was my child on that flight. Without either of her parents. All by herself. Alone. Now my anxiety levels are up and my heart is not beating in a good rhythm.

I arranged the praise and worship for Sunday services so that it was incredibly simple as someone with no experience would be running the media. Later, I would be leaving to get to the airport in plenty of time. I even found an excellent parking space! I began thinking this would all go quite well.

But...that is where the all-is-going-well stuff ended.

As much as my husband has flown in the past few years, I have not flown since 1997...yeah, that was before 9-11-2001 and all the changes in security, additions to the airport, and the remodel. I have not even gone into the airport except to pick up my aunt and uncle once some years ago. My husband had it set up that I would be able to get a gate pass and pick up my daughter when she got off the plane. However, I had to go to a particular counter to get it. There is only one person in front of me, a younger woman with a four-year-old who missed his nap is acting like he had too much candy for lunch. The family had just moved here a few months ago and her eleven-year-old son happened to have been visiting his grandma in her home town so he was on the same flight as my daughter.

We waited...and waited.....and.......waited. The two people working at the counter were busy but with only two customers. One was answering a woman's questions about her daughter traveling alone and the other was dealing with some kind of issues with a dog. The questioning woman leaves and her counter person goes over to help the other with the dog. In the meantime, two groups come up escorted by airline employees. One is an elderly woman in a wheelchair and the other is a family having issues with a missing boarding pass. Both do not get into line behind us, but are placed in front of us. Now we have been waiting about 20 minutes before we get our turn at the counter which takes another five minutes and we still have security to get through...and I will not bother to write what an ordeal security was with a crabby preschooler as I was waiting for his mother. Plus, the Atlanta airport is very big and it takes quite a bit of time to take the transport and then walk the remaining way to the gate.

As I walk up to the gate, I see a flight attendant walking out holding Rachel Rebecca, my daughter's large doll. My daughter was right behind her and did not yet see me so she had that look. If you have ever been a parent you know that look--it is the searching the horizon on the edge of abysmal panic. It silently screams "Mama, where are you?" I was only fifteen feet away, but it felt like I was in a dream where I am running but not really moving. I called her name and said "I am right in front of you"...twice, before she finally connected. Then the child was all smiles. My first thought: I would go through hell to get to you, my child. And the realization of the depths of this truth actually surprised me!

Anyway, she was home with me again and we started on our week. Monday was what I expected it to be with trying to ease back into routine. That following Tuesday was the last one with us taking care of the horse barn. (I still am trying to figure out how to "do it all" and keep doing the barn just feels like I should be able to do it all, even though in practice it was just so not working.) On that morning, the Princess mentions she had a sore throat. We did the barn; by afternoon she is acting like she really does not feel well and does not want to eat. I had a pressure headache, which I thought was from the dust at the barn. Wednesday, the Princess was worse and she started having a fever. I still had the headache and it was worse so I finally took half the dosage of a sinus medicine because I hate feeling doped up and it was just enough to work, thankfully. Thursday we cancelled piano lessons, but the Princess was beginning to feel better in the afternoon although her sinuses were draining constantly and she had that residual cough she tends to get with any tickles in her throat.

My husband originally had scheduled Thursday and Friday off, but he only needed to work a few hours Thursday morning and came home in the early evening, so we had to pick him up at the airport. Sugar, my daughter's breeding rabbit, finally had her kindle of nine before we left for the airport (One kit was outside of the nest and had gotten too cold but warmed up and survived when I placed him back in the kindle.) My husband also had Monday and Tuesday off. We were planning to go to apple country, just a two hour drive north to get apples and enjoy the autumn colors and hike. My husband planned to hunt a day or two also. Instead he processed the rabbits he had hoped to process the previous weekend and took care of other things.

One of the other things he took care of was...well, everything. On Sunday, we went to church and did our usual things. I led praise and worship, my husband handled the media, and the Princess played "It is Well with My Soul" flawlessly on the piano. We came home and ate. Things are normalizing and maybe we can go to the apple country on Monday or Tuesday, if my daughter's little cough gets under control. We might pass on hiking and enjoy the downtown shops instead. That would have been so nice, but after Sunday dinner, I ate something sweet and then...BAM! I had a really bad sore throat. Just like that. I did not have it and then I did.

So, it has been two days of sore throat with fever starting on Tuesday. Fever broke Tuesday night, but Wednesday I still feel bad with sinuses draining. I did go out briefly to get water and vote early. Thursday, which was just yesterday, I felt so drained and sinuses were still draining, but my daughter had not been to a piano lesson for two weeks. The teacher was sick two weeks ago and the Princess was in Florida the week after, so I was determined to get her there as she has a casual recital at a coffee shop on the first Sunday in November. However, I really should not have gone out. My mind was not with me all day as I made silly little mistakes and I felt drained of energy.

By the time we got home--I have to stop and write how much it is such a treat when my husband is working from home for the week and even more so when he is home in the early evening! By the time we got home, I was done for the day. My husband and daughter, without me saying a word, put away most of the groceries and took care of the animals and dinner. I checked my temperature and it was not has high as it was before, but still higher than it should have been, so I rested in bed all evening.

Today, I am still not feeling well and I am not going anywhere. Did I mention that I do not do sick well?

~ My Lord, thank you for reminding me of how limiting sickness is. I accept Your healing. ~


  1. Prayers for you. So much to tell you but do not feel up to doing emails. God bless, my friend, & may you be well soon! ♥♥♥

    1. I so get that right now. You would not believe the typos I had to fix just typing this out today. I have something though that I would like to share with you that I should not put here so you might get an email from me that is written like a blog post...because I just do not have it in me to rewrite it.


Thank you fellow travelers for walking and talking with me along this journey.