Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Pain in the B...

Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. ~Eckhart Tolle

Also in the midst of my husband being gone, I have had an intermittent but ongoing and worsening pain my right hip, which is actually not the hip but between the hip and the spine. To be specific it is the piriformis muscle, something you do not even know you have until it hurts. It is worse when I lie down and in the morning, but was not noticeable during the day, until recently and Thursday it began to annoy me when I was driving. I was treating it by focusing on the area with the jets in our spa, since my husband fix the leak before he had to leave on the last gone-too-long trip. I have other things I could have done, but I have less time and energy to do some things when my husband is gone, plus it really was not bothering me during the day.

I have gone to the chiropractor the last two Thursdays with another appointment his Thursday, and a five minute massage last Thursday that seemed to really help relax that muscle, but I was really quite sore then. Usually when chiropractics is not holding well, I respond better with a massage. I would love to get an hour long one, but the woman I like the best, a lovely Christian, is near to where we go for piano lessons, an hour away. Still, I was thinking I will call her to see what times she has available this week. In the meantime, I will be using my hot tub as often as weather permits as it has been raining so much in the last few days. I have a few other things in my alternative health arsenal that I have not been using and know that I should as well and I am taking a break from the rebounder although this started before I got it and it does not seem to aggravate it.

So, I did have a literal nagging pain in my...well, you get it. I also had the figurative one gnawing at me as well.

Saturday, when my husband was home, he had to do paperwork and, catching himself falling asleep at his desk, he went to take a nap. That nap lasted until the evening. We had planned to go out for sushi, but then he suggested going out on Sunday after church and I went to the freezer to get my frozen sourdough pizza crust in the deep freezer and shredded mozzarella in the upright freezer...and that is when I saw it. The upright door was not completely closed. In that freezer we have no meat, just fruits, vegetables, cheeses, milk, butter, pasta, chocolate, and grains so there would not be much to spoil, but now I had to take everything out to defrost the freezer and wipe all the condensation off everything.

And...that is when I lost it. This was just the one thing more I could not take topped upon what had been building in me for the last two weeks, longer than that, really. Both my daughter and my husband were hammered with all of what I had not tried to say for that whole time or at least I had tried to say it nicely, but now "nice" was out the freezer and heated up for the barbeque.

I am not proud of this.

After my rant, my daughter went into hiding and my husband helped me with the freezer. It went quicker than I thought it would. An hour later we were preparing home-made pizza and picking out a movie together with smiles—all forgiven.

I was not the only one fed up with the situation; my husband told the man, who does the scheduling and planning to send him elsewhere today, that he will not be traveling the rest of this week and returned home last night. Some of his co-workers have been at home without having to travel to customers and a few without anything to do at all. One man had only traveled out twice since the beginning of the year! What would that be like, I wonder. The scheduler often tells my husband this is the price he pays for being so good at his job and he probably is paid more than the others, but the reality is that my husband is only one man and the other men he had trained could do the work and will never be as good as they can be if they are not sent out. My husband has been working 12 to 16 hours every day for over half the month, even during the weekends. He has only been home for two days this month so far. The first day he was home he did paperwork and slept most of it. The second day we went to church and out to eat before he packed to leave the next day.

Ironically, now that he is home and will be the remainder of the week and I should be able to rest easier, I find that now I cannot sleep. The weird part is I woke up at 3:00 am thinking of something I saw on Craigslist that I dismissed as a not-going-to-happen kind of thing, however I felt like my Lord was talking to me about it. So, I finally got my sore butt (yes, it was still bothering me too) out of bed grabbing my Kindle to take a look for the soap making supplies I saw for listed for sale last night...like I need another thing to do!?

~ My Lord, thank you for my temper and my shame for using it so poorly. Please forgive me for wanting more than You have provided and guide me in continually seeing the good in all situations. ~

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Thank you fellow travelers for walking and talking with me along this journey.