Monday, June 3, 2013

Restored, Rejuvenated, Relieved

Nobody can be set free from a problem until they're willing to admit they have one. ~Joyce Meyer

Instead of pain and tightness, this morning is the first time I woke up with just a tiny bit of soreness left in my right hip and back. It was wonderful! I tried chiropractics for three weeks and had two one-hour massages in less than a week but it seemed that neither were really having a lasting affect to reduce the pain, which usually means for me that the core of it is an emotional or spiritual based problem, since I had done nothing to cause it. This is my Lord's way of getting me to address things that I have repressed for whatever reason and I am not listening to Him on the particular matter. I knew what it was, but it was not something I could work out all on my own. There is more to it than I will write here, but as briefly as I can put it, here it is.

My husband travels for work often and for the last five years we have been on a very tight budget. For two years, most of the weekends he was home, we could not even sit together in church because he ran the media and none of the members wanted to trade off, but just fill in when absolutely necessary (as when we were not there) and it seems to be affecting the family of the man who is now doing the media all the time the same way, because Sunday is the only day his family has all together. Since the beginning of this year, my husband has been away nearly every week and several weekends also, with his promised review scheduled and resheduled. The last three months, we have increasingly been having difficulty communicating with and relating to each other, actually I had been holding back quite a bit of my feelings about how much he has been traveling. Oh, and my daughter is twelve with all the moodiness that goes with it. We have yet to celebrate her birthday, because of the piano recital and my husband working on weekends.

Now in the back of my mind, there was to be an end to all of this, although that would be one of those expectations that I try so hard to avoid because inevitably I will be disappointed. I know this but still a few sneak in because we have made some of our goals, but have more yet to work towards.

  • We paid off the credit card (which was really the car payment) in October, so we have had extra money each month...but not really, because so many things need repaired.
  • We have been placing our tithe aside in a separate account waiting on the Lord to tell us what to do with it and we no longer feel He is asking us for 15% but 10%, so we have been saving the difference as well.
  • Even though our bank account is now growing, we must still stay with the same budget and not touch it, which is far more of a challenge for my husband than for me.
  • We have to save up to replace all the siding on our house as well as all nineteen windows, all gutters, and two doors, which was due to the damage caused by the spray-on siding where we thought we would never have to paint again--ha! (Well, we will never have to paint the siding it was put on because it is rotting away, but let's not go there right now.)
  • My husband traded a gun that he bought many years ago for just $200 for another gun that is worth $2,000, which he plans to sell to pay for the used ATV (all terrain vehicle) that he bought for $2,000. An ATV comes in real handy when hunting and is much easier than carrying the deer all by yourself. Of course, the ATV needed some work and for a few hundred more in repairs and such, but he assures he got a deal. (I am thinking it will be a deal when he sells the $2,000 gun.)
  • Yes, I also did buy a few things on Craigslist recently and I am eying a like new art studio floor easel today on it as well because it is such a great price, but I am also in the process of selling other items so that it will all even out in the end. (So, I cannot fault my husband, but somehow his stuff always has a higher price tag than mine.)
  • My husband was so burned out the the two previous weekends that he mostly slept and did paperwork the first one and the second a vertebra in his back slipped when he was not doing anything. I mean, the man has a very physical job and the only time he gets sick or hurts his back is when he is at home doing something normal like sitting down, and always when he is burned out. With a prayer, I adjusted his back and he was better, but rested that day. (Yeah, being empathic--or having words of knowledge, if you prefer--and having learned a few things when I used to work for a chiropractor does come in handy.)
  • My husband finally did have his review and he did get a raise, the first one in five years, not counting the pay increase when he accepted his present job two years ago, and we should see it in the next paycheck. 
  • It also looks as if we have another expense as we are planning to enroll the Princess in a science class for the next school year, but more on that later. 
  • Also, my husband's van has so many miles on it all I can do is pray that my Lord holds it to together for the next year or two. 
The money stuff has not really let up and it will not. I really have to stop thinking in terms of an end to the struggle, because there is no real end in that battle, just pauses. We have to get the house fixed, and then another van probably, and then there is college...on and on it goes. My husband's raise is half spoken for because of the science class tuition and the other (and more, probably) will go to increase in health insurance costs at the beginning of next year thanks to Obamacare. (See how much I just need to take a breather now and then.)

Because of all this, I was not feeling that sense of finality or even accomplishment, just a shift in the trenches. I can deal with that, but when I feel disconnected from my husband and my roller coaster tween, all this apparently is enough to give me a pain in the butt make my nervous system react in very negative ways...and so it did.

My Lord and I have been talking. My husband and I had a few talks the past couple of weeks and we are now communicating much better, in part because he is home more so that we can. My daughter is still roller coasting, so I make the most of the mid range up to the highs when I can and try to be patient on her dips. Even though it has only been the past two days, my pain is diminishing. YAY! I even did gardening this weekend and afterward used my machine (another one of my alternative health care secrets) at the end of the day, which seems to now be improving the hip problem.

~ Thank you, my Lord, for restoring me, rejuvenating relationships, and relieving me from the pain I have had. You truly are loving and amazing, my Lord. ~

2 comments:

  1. Yep. Around here at least it is either or. Either J is being spiritually attacked or I am. This means one of us is stable & able to pray for the other. However some things just make me see red because they just should not be so amongst the body of Christ ~ especially the leadership & I find myself praying, Dear Lord, save me from your people, which is just sad.

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    1. Sometimes I think that the one good thing coming out of all these struggles is that it makes heaven more desirable and dying less frightening. In the meantime, I will enjoy the pauses as my Lord provides them--I have convinced myself that the easel will help me there somehow. ;)

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Thank you fellow travelers for walking and talking with me along this journey.