Flowing Oil

When a Christian tries to live by reason he is moving out of God’s country into the enemy’s land. We belong in the miraculous and the supernatural realm. –John G. Lake

I have heard of many wonderful miracles. I have seen healings where the person being healed said he or she could feel the healing taking place even though it was completely internal and I saw nothing. I have seen people healed of pain, which is a bit more visually obvious to others. I personally have been healed.

You would think I would not doubt God's love, but I do at times...because I am human and human nature is a harsh reality in a world of reality and harshness. We tend to believe what we see and know what is material. While unbelievers would say things like if there is a God, you would think He would make himself known, I see all His creation proclaiming Him—when I want to, that is. Sometimes—probably most times if I am to be honest—when I am sitting at a desk and typing our my thoughts, I see a desk and computer, same as unbelievers see. What I should see...well, what should I see?

God knows. God knows this. God knows this about us. God knows all this about us. God knows all this about all of us.

Yesterday, I saw a miracle. It was one of those miracles that I have have heard about yet never had seen for myself. This miracle started with a little prayer group in a little room in a little gift shop in a little city...just two hours away from my little space. Just a handful of people who prayed, who sought God, who were told to that He would show them something after the inauguration of the President in January. A new Bible of one of those members began to produce oil.

Oil so pure that it is clear and odorless. Thick and yet when placed in the eye or in the mouth it seems to becomes more like a water-based substance. When it began, they thought a grandchild had spilled something on it, When it continued to spread throughout the Bible, they placed it in a plastic bag. When it filled the bag, they placed it in the clear tote. The Bible stays engulfed in the oil that continually replenishes. In fact, God told them that as long as they do not sell the oil and give it away, it will replenish. It has been analyze and they were told it is like mineral oil but not. It is thicker and has properties that no one can explain.

God told them that they were to go out. Even in the sermon, the preacher mention how we are accustomed to say "come." Come to my church. Come to the alter for prayer. But Jesus told his disciples, told us to "go." So, this little group of people have had their lives changed because now they go out transporting a tote with a Bible producing oil to various churches to spread refreshing news about God and His love.

They have only gone where they have been told by God to go and they do not accept invitations. They give the oil freely but differently than when they first started. Weeks ago friends of ours watched quart jars being filled while the oil stayed at the same level. They watched people dipping their hands in it and yet it stayed clear. However, now that so many more people know about this oil, God has told them to just give out small vials. They fill vials on Monday night and send some out as they receive so many requests. They place the Bible in a tote until it fills and then in another. Oil is also dripping down in the prayer room.

One man, who goes to the prayer room on some Mondays, told us that when they open the Bible, each book has a different aroma! Imagine that from an oil with no fragrance.

What is the oil? They describe it as the presence of God, they call it Flowing Oil. To me, it is that and something that I would describe as a purest white light in oil form. It is like...pure love.

The oil will sometimes multiply on a person, usually one gifted with healing, but not always. Some say a small vial has lasted them a long time or would refill! And while the oil is a gift, I think the miracle was a small group of people, who were seeking God in prayer in a little room, being chosen to share this gift. Whenever we think, who are we...whenever I think, who am I is insignificant, I will think on these people, because I want to live in God's natural realm of the miraculous and supernatural.

My Lord, my world is so small, but keep reminding me that it is not insignificant. I was thinking of two friends of mine in particular yesterday. One who is struggling financially and in need of her finances to be replenish like this oil replenishes. Another, who has a very small church, who may be feeling their efforts are rather insignificant, but are not to You. I ask that you bless them both...significantly. Thank you, my Lord.   

That Something Broken Between God and Me

God has yet to bless anyone except where they actually are.
~Dallas Willard

Everyone has felt let down by God some time in his or her life, but the trial is not the condition that caused the feeling: the trial is what we choose to do with it. The majority of people either become embittered against God for the rest of their lives or consider it God's punishment against them. Fewer see it as we probably should: we are living in a fallen, imperfect, sin-filled world along with evil, so there are disease, destruction, decay, deterioration, degeneration, and death.

I have been struggling with an expectation I had on my Lord for several years and it was not an unreasonable expectation of the Almighty! However, it was left unfulfilled and I allowed it to cause a brokeness between us, one of my own making admittedly. Every time I have prayed for the last few years, I have this festering thought in the back of my mind. Every time I have prayed for others to be healed, I was harassed by thoughts of "why not me" or "like I should pray for someone to be healed when I am unworthy to be healed myself" and other such thoughts. Some would blame Satan for those whisperings in my mind, but these were my own doubts springing forth from their hiding places that I did not want to admit I had, not even to myself.

I have such wonderful stories of healings in my family. My aunt was developing so many floaters in her eyesight that it was predicted she would be blind by the time she was 30 and God healed her. God not only broke my uncle's addiction to smoking a pipe, but also the lingering smell on himself and their home! Things like that were just kind of accepted but without expectation in their home. However, not everything in their lives was wonderful and they never expected everything to be. My aunt eventually needed glasses and my uncle developed a small spot of cancer on his tongue decades later. That is the way of it; healing does not mean healed forever. Even in with healing victories, we still live in a sin-damaged world.

God did a very big miracle for me when I was just about the age my daughter is right now. I was camping with my aunt, uncle and cousins, as they always tried to take a camping trip for a week before school started. I had a dream that was so real that I wished so much that it was real: my teeth were straight. I woke up moving my tongue along my teeth and they felt straight...but only for that moment. Then the reality that they were not plunged my hopes into the ground and I just wept and prayed this: "God please straighten my teeth." I heard without any hesitation, "I will." Now I had experienced encounters with God before that night, but not one that struck me as a promise that He made specifically to me for something I wanted.

Even though I was just 16 years old and not long on patience, I never doubted it for even a moment that He would do it, but I reminded him of His promise for nearly a year before I found out how He was going to do it. Unknown to me, my aunt had approached our dentist, who had known me from the first time I had a baby tooth that would not come out on its own, probably because my teeth were so crooked and crowded. He knew my mouth was a mess, but I came from a very poor family, and my aunt and uncle had not much to spare after taking me in with their own four children. So, my dentist asked his orthodontic friends to look at my case, knowing we could not afford braces.

One look and I was told I had the worse case they had ever seen and they were not even sure that they could help me. They said that I had nearly everything wrong with my mouth but the opposite of it, as in you cannot have an over bite and an under bite at the same time. They took my case pro bono and my dentist did all my dental work for free as well during the time I had braces, which was a long time...I think it was nearly five years in braces and then a year in a retainer and then another year in my retainer at night. I would have kept wearing my retainer at night but my dog had gotten a hold of it and I could not get the orthodontist to replace it. How I wish I had pursued that more!

Teeth will move...I was warned....and they did, but they looked straight until sometime after I had my daughter. Slowly I again developed an overbite and then one tooth in the front dropped and then one in the back also on the top got a gum infection once. The tooth dropped due to bone loss and the back tooth, which has been loose, had far more bone loss even though my gums looked healthy. My dentist even told me that it is nothing I am doing wrong because my dental hygiene is very good, but even so I have accepted that God is not miraculously healing me and probably both of these teeth will need to be removed and have implants replace them.

So, this week I had a consultation with the same oral surgeon I had picked to remove the Princess' impacted wisdom teeth, when they are further along as he recommended and possibly four other teeth if her orthodontist decides that needs to be done, as he said she is borderline on the crowding. The oral surgeon took a look at my x-rays and asked if I had had braces, probably easily deduced because I am missing four teeth. Then he asked if they had used a palette spreader...now I am impressed! How could he know that?

Well, it comes down to this. The palette speader is braced on four teeth and you are given a key to insert in the middle to give it a half turn every day so that it spreads out the palette, because my palette was too narrow. The preferred method, at least now, is to surgically do this (although many orthodontists still are using that method). Why? Because afterward the teeth tilt back in towards the mouth and that is how he could tell I had that done. So the teeth look straight on the outside, but they actually tilt inward.

Now I knew my upper teeth in particular had moved in ways that I did not like, but after seeing the my excellent hygiene care and the condition of my gums although with some periodontal pockets, he could only attribute the bone loss to problems he was seeing to my bite. So, I also need to see a periodontist but the oral surgeon said to talk to the orthodontist first and he will coordinate what needs to be done and in what order, so that everything is prepared for starting orthodontics.

Fortunately the orthodontist had an opening the very next day so I went. He asked me what my goal was and I said to save my teeth, because if my bite was the problem as I had been told by his friend the oral surgeon, then I had more problems to come with my teeth in the future if I did not correct the bite. The orthodontist said I have an open bite and that ideally upper jaw surgery would be the best corrective procedure. I was asked if the oral surgeon suggested it, which I do not think he did and we discussed the next best option. The second best option would be to work with the jaw as it is to give me the best bite possible and take the extra stress off the back teeth, which are the only teeth really making contact for chewing presently. That would put me in braces for about a year and a half. I was going with that option until I talked to my husband, who was considering the first option to be the better one.

So, I am taking a look into the the jaw surgery and may need to talk to the oral surgeon again to see if my case is borderline or would be necessary. It would solve a number of problems for me including some TMJ, but it is a pretty intense surgery and can leave numbness in the upper lip, cheeks, and nose for months. It also adds time to being in braces, because the braces have to be in place before the surgery, but thankfully there is no wiring the mouth shut, just rubber bands to hold everything in place.

Also the orthodontist was thinking that he might try to work with the tooth that had dropped down in the front. It was just slightly loose and even though teeth do not really move back up much, he thought that the two middle front teeth could move down some and it up some, and maybe it would not be completely even but still good. He was the first one to not say pull it and do an implant automatically, although the oral surgeon did not give an option saying to talk to the orthodontist first.

The orthodontist is kind of like the conductor of this whole thing. When teeth are removed, when implants can be placed, when jaw surgery should be done (if I go that route), and so forth. However, the first thing is to see a periodontist, because while my gums look healthy pink, I have a few pockets and gum loss to deal with first before anything else...well, accept for the one tooth that cannot be saved. It seems that my the oral surgeon and the periodontist both can pull the tooth and place a bone graph, so the question is who to do that which is probably next.

Considering everything I am going to have to do, the funny thing is I actually feel very relieved. I have been feeling that I had been given this wonderful gift 40 years ago and I messed it up. I did not always take care of my teeth as well as I should have, but there was this overwhelming guilt so bad that I did not want anyone to know. I felt terribly ashamed to say that I ever had braces, because my teeth sure did not look like it now. Their present condition was not a good testament of the gift God had given me. However, now I know that my former orthodontists had done the best with their knowledge at the time and open bite jaw problem as it was.

And, here is the thing that really warms my heart. A few weeks ago, I was trying to pray with that wedge of guilt about my teeth and letting God down...and feeling unloved between us because he had not healed me still. I do not remember now what I was praying about exactly but I think it was along the lines of my husband and his mother and that whole situation—whatever it was I do know it was not directly related to me or my teeth—and I heard my Lord say "I am going to bless you," as plainly and as clearly as when He said "I will" 40 years ago.

I did not really know what He meant at the time, but considering how much all this dental work is going to cost us...well, the timing is pretty good for that part. (Although who ever wants to spend money on things like this?) I feel a bit guilty about the cost, but also wildly relieved, which I find rather odd. Ever since the Princess has gotten her braces, I have been so excited for her and even a bit envious thinking I how would love to go into braces again (strange as that may seem), but I knew that it would be far more complicated and costly for me (and I did not even know the half of it). I have been weighing that with my age and its worth. However, now that it seems the bone loss will continue because of my bite, that I could lose more bone and more teeth, and all of that is not really associated with how well I am taking care of my teeth, I feel so much better. I actually teared up when I was talking to the oral surgeon, not because of the work I dreaded to have done as I thought I would when I went there, but because I was doing everything I could and he could see that and found the likely cause and this could save my other teeth.

Yeah, I am feeling rather blessed—and loved—right now. My Lord and I will be going through this together...again.

My Lord, just days ago I was weeping in my heart, feeling unloved by You. I knew that was wrong, which only made me feel worse. Today, I am weeping with joy because I now see the special gift you had been holding for me in secret until now. You are a such a good Father. Thank you.

Treating My Parvo Puppy

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. ~Corey Ford

On the day we planned to go to North Georgia for apples, sourwood honey (to die for, as honeys go), and a hike on this beautiful autumn day, our plans changed drastically because my husband spend most of the night before up with Mishka. 

Past Experience
We have had our share of pets getting sick, but none quite as frightening as when our first German Shepherd, Sasha, had Parvovirus, Parvo for short. That was in year 1997 or 1998—I am terrible with dates which is why I appreciate keeping journals and this blog so much—just a few weeks after we had gotten him. We had no experience with Parvo, did not even know much about it, but we have made a point to know a great deal about it since. You see, I was treating Sasha with a homemade homeopathic remedy for his diarrhea for a day or two, thinking that was all it was, and he was getting better, even started eating and drinking, but either I stopped too soon or I was not aggressive enough with the treatment because he relapsed. Before I knew it, he had projectile diarrhea and vomiting in the morning, and by the afternoon he could not stand up.

Parvo itself is a virus that attacks the villi of the small intestines impairing the absorption of nutrients. The body, trying to rid itself of the problem, responds with drawing all the body's fluids to the intestines to flush out the virus, but by the time symptoms are showing up, the virus has the upper hand. The virus itself rarely is the cause of death—yes, it is that serious—but rather it is the dehydration. Dogs can die within a day or two without any treatment; it is touch and go even with it.

Treatment is the key issue. Most people will pay about a $1,000 to $2,000 for the necessary vet care. That is what we did with Sasha. Actually, we had a vet that was a combination of holistic and conventional and when he told one look at Sasha he recommended for us to put him down saying he was just too far along. We asked what would be done if we had brought him in at the first signs: IV with vitamins and electrolytes, also some antibiotics that would only fight against secondary bacterial infections, not the virus itself. We asked that he get started and we told him we would be back in the morning. I prayed and looked up stuff but there was very little, although I found a few mere mentions of colloidal silver and I had some experience with it for other things.

The next day I brought with me a bottle of 10 ppm colloidal silver. The vet was open to trying it (probably because he thought the dog was a goner anyway) but he said Sasha would not keep it down. I told him I understood that and I wanted it injected. He did his muscle testing as he does for homeopathics and herbal treatments. The dosage was to be 5cc three times a day, which he mentioned was a lot, but then it is only 10 parts per million (ppm) so it is mostly water. He gave Sasha the first dose while I was there that Saturday. The office was closed in the afternoon and the next day, but I got through on Sunday to one of the caretakers. Not only was Sasha still alive, but he had pulled out his IV twice that day, and they reported that he was up barking, eating, tipping over his food dish, and biting at the cage—he always hated being penned.

I went to see Sasha on Monday morning. He was energetic and ready to go home, but the vet wanted to see a stool and since there was nothing much in him that took another day. The vet's office called him the miracle puppy. Even the vet admitted he had never seen any dog recuperate from Parvo so quickly and rarely ever at all; the only thing he had done differently was the colloidal silver. I think he began to use it for all Parvo puppies after that.

Friday, November 4, 2016
Through the night Mishka had diarrhea and in the morning he threw up some food from last night that was not digested. He would not eat his breakfast, which is the first time ever, and then when he urgently had to go out he had projectile diarrhea. Thankfully, we have not seen any signs of blood from what was coming out of him, which suggests it is not as bad as it could get. Right after we had decided to get Mishka, I did more research on natural approaches to fighting Parvo, given our past experience with it, and bought a few products that had been proven to help support a Parvo puppy. Support, but not cure. Because Parvo is a virus, the body has to develop its own antibodies and it needs time to do so, which is something that the acute dehydration does not allow. Mishka was given colloidal silver, a homemade homeopathic remedy, and these herbal tinctures from Amber Technology: Paxxin, Vibactra Plus, and Life Cell Support. He was also being given small amounts of Pedialyte regularly to fight the dehydration; by the afternoon, every now and then, he was drinking a little water on his own.

Mishka was penned in the kitchen, being it is not carpeted, in case of accidents. My husband, who was the one up all night, decided to sleep and the Princess helped me with the timer, logging the treatments and symptoms, administering the treatments, and getting Mishka out when he had that urgent need. The instructions read to give the supplements every fifteen minutes for the first hour and afterward every hour, but with my gift, I felt it should be for the first hour and a half. It was recommended to use Pedialyte orally if possible or as an enema if necessary.

I was confident that the colloidal silver would work again and we were able to give it to Mishka orally because he is not vomiting, possibly due to the other herbal tinctures that are meant to sooth the intestinal tract and support the immune system. It is the silver that actually lowers the viral count because it impedes the virus' ability to reproduce and slowing it down gives that time needed for the body to create its own antibodies. Mishka was rather lethargic, but his body seemed to be fighting the virus without worsening symptoms.

By evening, Mishka was obviously feeling better. He even ate half a portion of his dinner and seemed to be looking for the rest, which he was given later. He played with his toys and began to grab kitchen towels and do all kinds of bratty puppy stuff. The consistency of his stool was still just liquid, but he had not thrown up since morning.

I suppose most people would say that he did not really have Parvo because he was not as sick as he should have been. Well, that was the point, to address it early so that he would not be so sick that it would be life threatening. It could still take another day or two or more of treatment for him to have a normal stool. It could take almost as long for him to really be able to digest his food completely, absorbing all the necessary nutrients, but he seems to be doing very well on that end.

As I have said before, being empathic has its downside. Although I may not feel but a shadow of what another may feel, it is quite enough to feel rather lousy. By evening yesterday, after the day's constant influence of Mishka's condition, I was feeling pretty sick even as he was acting like he was feeling better. My husband took the night watch and I went to bed.

The First Day of Treatment
This is a general accounting of how things went. We logged everything but I am not going to bore you with all the nitty-gritty details.

First symptoms were notice on Thursday. At 11:00 a.m. Mishka vomited some undigested food from the night before and at 1:00 p.m. he had diarrhea. We did not think much of it because he was also on a natural worming program and although he had been on that for about a week without symptoms, it could have been the cause of both. However, later Mishka was up from 1:00 a.m. Friday morning having diarrhea about every two hours, becoming more runny each time.

We began the treatment on Friday at 9:00 a.m. after he vomited again and then had projectile diarrhea. The treatment for the first hour and a half was every fifteen minutes:

• One dosage each of Paxxin, Vibactra Plus, and Life Cell Support
• ½ tsp. of Sovereign Silver (colloidal silver 10 ppm)
• ½ tsp. of my homemade homeopathic remedy made with my personally designed remedy maker (but there are others on the market you can find—probably not as good as mine but I used another one for years with very good results)

After the first hour and a half, we did all the above every hour and added 1½ tsp of Pedialyte every hour on the half in between the treatment times that was increased up to 5 tsp as the day progressed and because it was apparently that he really liked it after his energy began to return late afternoon. So every 30 minutes, Mishka was being given something.

In the afternoon he began urinating again for the first time since the projectile diarrhea. At around 4:00 he began looking for food and seemed hungry. We fed him half a portion of his regular meal around 4:30 and he seemed to want more but we did not want to overwhelm his digestive system. He handled it well and was more energetic.  He was given the rest of his meal at 8:15 and afterward he was playing with his noisy toys so much that I could not go to sleep for awhile. He had not vomited since the morning, but he still had runny diarrhea, although no longer projectile. He was fed another half a meal at 12:30 a.m.

Because he was doing so well and we were exhausted, we felt we could stretch out the treatments to every two hours and just put the Pedialyte in his water. If he had still been lethargic, we would have stayed with the same treatment plan we did during the day.

Saturday, November 5, 2016
My husband, who had the night watch, came to bed and it was my turn this morning. Mishka was still penned in the kitchen so he was not happy about being left alone even for those minutes. I am still dealing with some cramping and yucky tummy feelings from the Parvo empathy, but better than last night. Parvo is a weird illness, from what I felt of it; it makes the dog lethargic and very hungry but not interested in eating at the same time.

As I began my watch, Mishka acted normal, biting everything as healthy puppies do, but my husband reported he still had diarrhea during the night, although it is beginning to have more consistency. Also, Mishka felt a bit warm to me, although his paws and ears are normal temperature. I think he is still fighting the virus itself, but its symptoms, the part that can cause the deadly dehydration, seemed to be under control. I gave him a dosage of the homeopathic and I decided to go back to hourly treatments, particularly with the colloidal silver. Because of our experience with Sasha seemingly getting better just like this and then getting  seriously worse, we are planning to stay aggressive with this until we see normal stools. When I took him out before giving him half of his breakfast meal, he only urinated and did not even act like he needed to have a bowel movement. Good signs all around.

Better signs at noon! Mishka had his first solid stool! My husband is up and we plan to continue with the homeopathic when required and the silver regularly for the rest of today. Unless we see a stool change in the wrong direction, we will probably continue the other supplements possibly every 2 to 3 hours.

Mishka is now running freely about the house. In control of his bowels, but lacking in self control—like a puppy! He has his freedom and we now have ours because we have been careful to  avoid the places dogs go so he would not get Parvo—like the hike we were going to take yesterday was a concern—but now that he has had Parvo, we do not have to be so careful. I was disappointed we did not get to go on our annual autumn day trip but I am also thankful that Mishka had it while my husband was home; it was easier than trying to do everything on my own. God is very good to us!

A Special Thank You
I want to get a special thank you to Wolf Creek Ranch. It was from this website that I learn the most about treating Parvo at home and it was their experience with a number of dogs having Parvo that gave me confidence to not fear treating Parvo. It is also where I bought the tinctures necessary to support Mishka's healing process.

It is because there is so little in instructions about treating Parvo at home to be found that I have written out this blog post, so others may see how it can be done and make an informed choice to try home treatment or not. Home treatment requires, at the very least, two to three of days devotion with round the clock care. We also have only one dog, if you have more than one, you might consider doing more, like isolation, washing toys, disinfecting, etc. Personally, I think of Parvo as I do most childhood illnesses, scary but it allows the immune system to do what God made it to do and provide better immunity than shots do.

Update: Tuesday, November 8, 2016
When I wrote all the above, we thought Mishka was done, but there was a bit more to the story.

On Sunday, I was with my daughter at her Coffee Shop Piano Recital, while my husband stayed home with Mishka. We have left him home alone for about two hours but the recital is about a two-hour drive round trip and then however long it is. We had considered bringing him, as he loves trips, and one would have to watch from outside. Then we tried to get our house/pet sitter last minute, but she had other obligations. We finally decided that my husband would stay home with him, especially since he was still recovering from Parvo. (You can read about the mishaps getting to the recital and see my video of the Princess playing in the following blog post.)

My husband calls my daughter's phone (because mine was not with me—you have to read the next post) after the recital was over, and everyone had left but I was still talking to one of the mothers long after. (In my defense, she wanted some help with something her daughter is going through.) He tells me that Mishka had diarrhea again, at least one time with projectile diarrhea. My heart sank. As I wrote before, our former dog Sasha was doing well and then it came back on him worse and we nearly lost him.

So I got home and I saw Mishka for myself. He was not dehydrated. He was up to greet me and seemed energetic and his eyes were bright, but he was a little warm. My husband had already started him back on the treatments and we decided to not take any chances so I stayed up the entire night with treating him every hour, probably overkill but we were determined not to make any assumptions that it was over until we were absolutely sure. We put Pedialyte in his water as he was drinking on his own, although he probably did not really need it. He still had some diarrhea but he also was very gassy, which made me think this could mostly be compromised intestinal tract not fully able to digest food properly and it was oversensitive. However, there was a fever earlier so there likely was a weak relapse also.

My husband worked yesterday and seeing that Miskha's stool was still too soft yet improving plus he was acting anything but sick, I began stretching out his treatments to two hours and took a two hour nap between 9:30 and 11:30 a.m. with the Princess keeping a watchful eye on him as he was again penned in the kitchen. Mishka was given very four small meals, about ¼ of his normal meals, two to three hours apart with digestive enzymes throughout the day. By afternoon he began having solid normal stools. We continued with treatments every two hours throughout the night and he continued having solid stools without gas.

So, this morning we are still dividing his meals giving a bit more each time, but he has been energetic and playful as a healthy puppy should be. I think he is absolutely in the clear and now the rest of us just need to recuperate from sleep deprivation. So very worth it though.

I emailed Wolf Creek Ranch a link to this post and was surprised this morning that Julie and Journey responded thanking me for getting the word out on this Parvo treatment. It was very sweet of them to answer back. Although we planned to buy a bottle of each to replenish what we used, I was also told that Paxxin was originally formulated for human stomach flu and can be used for general tummy trouble also. 

Thank you, my Lord, for bring Mishka back to being a healthy, happy, lovable, (and somewhat bratty, crazy, and at times clumsy) puppy.

Todd White and Healing

Jesus didn't just pay a price to get you to heaven. He paid a price to get heaven into you. -Todd White

Todd White has been one of my Christian heroes ever since I happened on a video on YouTube of him healing people on the street about three years ago. I wrote about my find in Healing on the Streets. The guy is just infectious with his love of God and of people.

Last week he was the speaker at a student rally just a mere 20 minutes from my home!!! We volunteered to be drivers, so we had to go 25 minutes south to our church and go another 25 minutes north and east to get to the church where this was taking place. They really did not need us to be drivers, so we went straight home afterward. I think there were as many adults there from my church as there were youth.

The event started with a DJ playing Christian rap. Definitely not my thing, but the youth was into it with the hip-hop dancers. I sat playing a game on my phone thinking how much I wish it was not so loud and how much the times have changed. When my husband and I were youth group leaders 20 years ago, there was no Christian rap at such events. I might have enjoyed the messages in the music just a bit more if I could understand what was being said, but I could only catch a word here and there or a short phase, no more than three words.

After that, there was a contemporary praise and worship band with break dancing injected now and then. Again, so not my thing, but I sang along with the words on the screen because most of the songs were ones I know.

Then came my hero, Todd White, taking the stage shouting "J-e-s-u-s, J-e-s-u-s!" He is just...well, I could just listen to him for hours and hours but we only got about one! He told us about an encounter with two unbelievers on his flight, how he prayed to heal them, and how they responded. The guy just does not take no for an answer. It is just so obvious that he believes not in just God's ability to heal, but in His love overcoming any resistance a person may present. His tenacity and optimism is just amazing.

From the moment we arrived, I felt the pull to go up front, but it was when Todd asked for anyone who had not yet been baptized in the Spirit to come up that I looked back to my husband in dismay as I found myself making my way up through the seats. Honestly, I had no idea why I was going, but I felt strongly that I was to go. I have not been slain in the Spirit, but I have surrendered to the Spirit. People passed by praying briefly, but I was still wondering why I was there. Then I felt I could leave; I turned, took one step, between a line of people, and there in front of me was my daughter. Then I knew why I was there.

Within a minute or two, a young woman came to her and began praying for her. I tried to listen, but it was just so loud there. So, I introduced myself as her mother and asked what she had prayed about. She told me she was praying about her anxiety and depression. I asked if my daughter had asked for that and she said it was what she was told by the Lord.

My daughter has had a skin condition, dry, cracking skin flaking and peeling off, that began on one hand and has spread to both forearms and her lower legs. I have prayed about it many times and I keep getting that it is a manifestation of her anxiety and depression, which is why it does not go away. She is not acting depressed as she was, but I know that deep depressions leave residuals and this is one of the reasons I have been more focused on guiding her these last few months and putting academics as a lesser consideration presently.

I believe it much of this mindset started when she was bullied by a girl and her brother in the neighborhood years ago. The Princess just never understood why anyone would treat another person that way, especially one who said she was a Christian. She also felt unsafe in the neighborhood because of them and her best friend in the neighborhood lived across the cul-de-sac from them. At times she still wanted to play with the girl, I think because she hoped every time would be different and a few times things went well, so she told me, but then the very next time.... And then there have been a few times, when we dug into the issue, that my Princess has screamed out about how I did not believe her about specifics or I did not protect her; she includes her father in that as well, but it is mostly directed at me. I know she feels that way because she trusted me, but she often allowed herself to be vulnerable against my wishes and advice.

I know that her perception and memories of what I did and did not do is skewed by her feelings. I took steps to protect her as much as I could given that she also wanted her freedom and to play with her best friend. When I asked about stepping into the situation, talking to her parents (which the parents of her best friend and I had already done a few times), or anything else, she begged me not to do so saying it only had things worse. That girl's mother and I agreed to have her daughter come to my house to play so the other girl would not see them playing from the cul-de-sac, but then the girl and her brother began to play with our neighbors' children who were younger. Eventually, even my neighbor had enough of her children being bossed and bullied, but it took a couple of years. (This was the same neighbor that banned my daughter from talking about anything religious.) In the meantime, my daughter and her best friend ping-ponged between our homes to avoid the bullying girl, who had turned particularly mean toward my daughter, but was not that kind to either of the girls.

My daughter was prayed over and I am hopeful that she is healed in body and soul. While waiting for the skin condition to completely disappear, I keep working with her to bring to the Light what she has tried to keep hidden within and show her acceptance and love.

While we were up near the stage, my husband was being prayed out for healing of a pain in his foot caused by a cyst by all the remaining of our church that was sitting near him and he was healed of the pain instantly. He still had the cyst and gets a little twinge a time or two during the day, but he no longer has constant pain.

My Lord, please help my daughter get past her hurts and heal. Let heaven be in her...and me and my husband, too.

Pieces of My Heart

God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces. ~Unknown

One of my dearest friends and I had a phone conversation on Sunday. She was very depressed and as she voiced her fears, I was thinking that I would have said much the same this past year. You see, she is alone, divorced decades ago and has been alone ever since. Both her parents have passed on and even her ex-husband who also never married after the divorce. She was an only child, was unable to have children, and it seems that relationships with her cousins are dysfunctional. Being in her sixties, she is having increasing health issues and when she is sick or in more pain she feels unloved and gets depressed.

As I listened to her voice her fears, I heard the echoes of how I had felt most of last year. The only family members who talk to me is my aunt and uncle, even though I have two sisters and a brother and four cousins. My husband was traveling for work more than he was home and my daughter was going teenager on me. I was not feeling well overall and felt my health was beginning to fail me.

Trying to help my friend through my own experience, I reminded her of something I had shared a few weeks ago that my Lord recently asked me if there was just one thing that I would asked to be healed that He would promise to heal it what would it be and I had answered my heart, which I mentioned in The Fast is Working. She then asked me how that was going for me and I replied that it was a process, but her question stuck with me and I really began probing my thoughts and feelings about it.

I was very much feeling like my friend for most of last year, so here I was sympathizing with her but also rejoicing because I could so clearly see the contrast of where I was and where I am now. I am not depressed as I was nor as unhappy with life nor as fearful of my Lord. Now when I hear my Lord tell me that He loves me, I do not try to run from it or deflect it with feelings of unworthiness as I probably have all of my life. Now I simply say, "I love you too" and smile at myself because it makes me happy that He loves me instead of sad because I do not deserve it. He loves me. It is like a mother naturally loves her baby even though the baby has done nothing to deserve it but to exist. God just loves me. (Smiling here.) Oh, and if He loves me, He loves you too. He just loves you. He is telling you that every day. (Are you smiling?)

My heart is healing, or perhaps has been healed, and the other physical things I had been praying that He would heal are also being healed, because God is not stingy about blessings. I thought I was being receptive, but actually I was only being receptive if God did it the way I thought I wanted it. I have seen so many, so very many, people do this and wondered why they just could not let go and let God do it His way. It is so easy to see it in the lives of others and even easier to be blinded to it in your own, it seems.

It is a work in progress, not God's healing of my heart, but my recognition of His healing. The best way to heal one's heart is to surrender it to the Lord...all of one's heart...every single little piece.

~ Thank you, my Lord, for healing my heart. ~

A Work of Faith

Faith expects from God what is beyond all expectation. ~Andrew Murray

We worked very hard to make it to the Praise and Worship Service on Wednesday night this week and we made it there on time mostly because no one is eating dinner during the 21-Day Fast. (The Princess does drink a glass of milk at night, but that is it.) It was a very uplifting service, but after about half of it, my Lord was speaking to me so I stopped singing, sat down, and listened. He is still working on me about accepting that He really loves me. He is just plain wearing me down on this and I am relenting...a...little...at...a...time.

After the service, one of the strongest singers in the church came up to give me a hug. She was losing her voice last Sunday and was even worse that night. There were so many people moving around and talking to each other that just a few minutes later, another lady came up to talk to her and a man approached me talking about having the Princess begin with the Praise and Worship team playing keyboard, which is what he does. However, I could barely talk to him; I had lost my voice. After we parted, I went looking for the singer.

She also is a healer, but she is not empathic. I told her that I needed to pray for her. She really was amazed that I could hardly talk, since we had spoken a few minutes earlier and my voice was fine. She said she would not hug me again when she is ill and I said that my gift allows me to know exactly for what I should pray so that would be counterproductive if she needed healing. So, I prayed for her with my hands on her chest for she had bronchitis. While I prayed I felt heat in the same area in my body and mentioned that she should be feeling heat, which she confirmed. When I finished praying for her, my voice was again fine, without once clearing my throat. She also began talking better too.

I love watching, actually feeling, my Lord's workings without boundaries! I wish I had faith as boundless.

~ My Lord, thank you that we are in a church that is not only receptive to Your works, but eager to receive all that You are willing to give. Help me to have more faith, a faith without boundaries. ~

Healer in Need of Healing

Christ is the Good Physician. There is no disease He cannot heal; no sin He cannot remove; no trouble He cannot help. He is the Balm of Gilead, the Great Physician who has never yet failed to heal all the spiritual maladies of every soul that has come unto Him in faith and prayer. ~James H. Aughey

The past three weeks have been...well, a single word for it escapes me, so if you have one, please submit it.

Although it is mostly gone now, I had been having intermittent back pains that jumped from side to side and even traveled up and down my back but mainly settled on the right mid back. I had two chiropractic adjustments and a massage in three weeks, all which were very helpful, but the next day the pain would return. My chiropractor suggested I needed a new pillow and I considered that, but the pain was very odd in how it moved around during the day sometimes. I have had a variety of back pain throughout the years and this was nothing like anything I had before and since I did not get any lasting relief from the chiropractor and no emotional or spiritual knowledge during my massage as has happened to me in the past, I began to wonder from whom I was picking up this pain.

It is very difficult being an empath at times because it is not always obvious if the pain is my own or coming from someone else, especially if the someone is in my home and not telling me they are in pain, as is often the case with pets. My seventeen-year-old indoor cat finally became so ill that I thought he had had a stroke one morning, but it turned out that he was just terribly sick. I prayed for him and was led to a homeopathic remedy called Thuja. This remedy is often used for detoxing animals from vaccinations, but it can also help with viruses and bowel irritations, which was exactly what was going on with my old cat. After the first dose, my back pain diminished noticeably. It would take a few more dosages and days before he was truly feeling well again, evident by his increased degrees of annoyance, and that the back pain I was feeling would be completely relief most of the day.

I wonder sometimes if my daughter is right when she tells me that she will be giving that cat to her own grandchildren one day. I know that is not likely, but he has outlived every pet we have had so far and doesn't that just figure when he is also the most annoying cat I have ever had!

There were two women at our church Sunday, one was the pastor's wife, that I found out had back pain when talking with them after the service, so I prayed for them. It is so nice to see people get instant relief. Thank you, my Lord.

Sharing another's pain is unnerving at times, but for me it is the way of my life. It forces me focus on the needs of others, because I am affected by them. There are benefits, though. It also helps me to have compassion for everyone regardless of their appearances. You see, I have found that everyone has pain...not just the physical pain, but emotional. I try to see through them to their hurts, because in that sense there is no one better that another. One who looks successful can be racked with hurts that are not seen.

The only solution is love: God's love. What a privilege it is to be the instrument of God's love for them! I only hope that I can be sufficient in God's purpose for me in bringing them His healing love.

~ My Lord, thank you for the opportunity, even the pain it causes me at times, to give healing and love to others. Help me, my Lord, give all of what You have given me to give. ~

My Lord is My Healer

Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick

Yesterday I was gardening, mostly pulling weeds and moving a few plants so that I could lay down a barrier and cover it with mulch. I was enjoying the warmth of the day, even the salty sweat that stung my eyes. I was moving a bag of mulch from the upper level of the front garden to the lower and that is when I felt the weight of the rock. It had been pulled off hidden under the bag to fall on my little toe.

I remembered thinking that I was so thankful that this rock had not hit my leg as it is one of the few that with jagged edges and could have done considerably more damage on my bare lower legs than smashing a toe protected by my shoe. I went on working a bit longer, which is really odd for me because I have many stories of how smashed toes and fingers--or any injury, really--gives me only about one to two minutes of clear thinking before I start going into shock and have to lie down. It is embarrassing, but that is how it usually works with me.

This time, however, I began praying immediately and continued working. Then it occurred to me that the odd combination of numbness and pain from my toe was reminiscent of when I had fractured it once before, so I took a look. Yeah, it was swelling and I could bend it, but it would cause a stinging twinge so I am pretty sure I fractured that same toe again. But that was not the worse part as I have lots of alternative health secrets, so that the toe was only slightly swollen and discolored 20 minutes later.

The worse part was that, when the rock hit my foot, I apparently wrenched my back in just the right way that it caused one of my rib heads to slip out of place. I have been very fortunate that it has been over a year since the last time have had a rib head subluxation, Feeling Stabbed in the Back, for they used to happen to me a few times a year and if you read that older post, you will better understand the miracle that I am about to describe.

The injury happened on Saturday near 5:00 pm when no chiropractor I know has his office open. The thing is that if I do not get the rib head in immediately, the muscle spasms will make it impossible to do so in a very short time. I was already beginning to have the sore tightness that wraps along the entire rib to the front and is felt with every breath. I did call our local chiropractor as he will come in for an emergency like this, but not only was the office closed, but he was out of town until Monday. I knew that meant that I would be so bad by then that I would not be able to lie down or drive. It also meant it would take me at least three days to a week to recuperate due to the inflammation and soreness caused by the spasms even with all my alternative health tricks.

I thought about people who had slipped rib heads and did not even have the option of chiropractic or medical care presently and throughout the ages. How did they and do they do it? Then I prayed and left it to my Lord, and I felt that he told me to go back to what I was doing as if it never happened. If you knew what a low threshold I have for pain, you might understand how difficult that would have been for me, but that is what I did. I put my shoes back on and went outside to do more gardening for about an hour. It actually kept me from getting too tight, but I felt the pull with each movement.

The rib was still maligned when I showered and then rested. It was tightening and I was praying. Then I was given a solution. You see, many times a rib head slips toward the back or posterior and one can use a tennis ball to roll against on a wall to gently work the rib head back in place, but usually when I slip a rib head it goes anterior so the ball thing can make it worse. I just wanted you to understand that the solution my Lord gave me was not one I would have thought would work. I used soft weights on the sides of the spine while I lay on my back to sleep last night. It really should not have worked and when I tried something like that before it made me worse. Lying that way was uncomfortable, but it is when I am lying down that the whole thing worsens to the point I can hardly get out of bed in the morning so I would have been uncomfortable anyway.

This morning I was a bit tight and sore, but not as bad as I know I should have been. I even sat in church, which usually makes it worse, but I was fine. This evening as I write this my back is pain free.

Now, what I have always known is that my Lord heals and can heal us in the most miraculous ways, but not all miracles come in the form of immediate healing. I felt that my Lord was trying to tell me that throughout the centuries, He has guided, directed, and given people knowledge to do certain things to heal themselves or others as well as healed them miraculously. Then, He reminded me that I obeyed Him against my nature and went back out to work even when I felt no evidence that He even was going to heal me. I just did what He told me to do and then He just did what I had asked Him to do.

My toe is going to heal very quickly as well. It looks like the injury happened two weeks ago already and is not throbbing at all when I walk, although it is a bit sore when I walk on it. That will pass soon too. My Lord is my healer.

~ Thank you, my Lord, for protecting me from greater injury and healing me from the injures I did have. ~

Unboxing my Lord

Oh, brethren, be great believers! Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to you. ~C.H. Spurgeon

We visited Church #4 again this morning for the early service, our third visit to this one. At the health store I regularly shop, I met one of the members that hugged me on our first visit at the church. It was then that she connected the dots for me mentioning that we have ran into each other many times through the years. Our first meeting was at a homeschool day at the farm where I get my raw milk some eight or nine years ago. She had only one daughter then and my Princess hit it off with her right away although her daughter was a bit shy. I cannot believe I did not recognize this lovely lady at the church, but she remembered me. She is in one of the two praise and worship teams. Her husband is the choir director also.

While the pastor was beginning his sermon, my Lord was speaking to me about something related but not the focus of the message being given. The message was based on Joshua 4:15-24 about the twelve stones and them being a foundation on which to build on faith and do greater things than the ones who laid the foundation. Then he mentioned several men and women in the Bible saying that we think they are great yet do not think we are to be like them, but actually they laid a foundation so that we are to do greater things...not because we are capable but because God is. He mentioned that the Church has been holding back things for itself, for its people, but what we should want is when people look at us, they think, "This is just not possible for them to do, so it must be God!"

Wow! That is exactly where I want to be! Then the Lord had my attention. Some might say I went on a rabbit trail, but this was clearly from my Lord. He was revealing something sad and wonderful at the same time.

I was thinking of the churches I had been in over the years and the things I have experienced. I was feeling sad for those who are not really sharing God, as if the miracles and gifts are only for themselves or the other people who go to their church. We love God so much and are so protective of Him that we place God in a box. Most of the people who do this think they do not. I can say this because I am as guilty of it as anyone. Why did I ever think God needs to be protected? Oh, I rationalized it that this Christianity thing is fragile and I might turn someone off about Jesus, but if I am listening to God, how can obeying Him do harm? He is God! Really, that is how little I have been thinking of Him...?

I often hear something along the lines of it is not that we doubt God is all powerful, but that we doubt He will use His power. Everyone needs to see God's power at work and God is willing to provide evidence of His love, but how will that be done? God reveals His power and love through our weakness, through the things we cannot do but are willing to step out in faith to do anyway.

But, what does God do when we do not? When we have Him in our little box? Well, that is sad, but the wonderful part is God will meet us at our faith level, because the reality it that it is not He who is in the box, but we ourselves. He is continually trying to show us we are free, that our faith is our freedom and is the stuff that works His miracles. We will not be the vessels through whom He will work miracles, if we do not act upon our faith in Him to do what we cannot do.

As I was listening to the messages from the sermon and from my Lord, a man three rows in front of us caught my attention as he was shifting in his seat. He was a big man who had unabashedly praised God earlier. I did not know him, but it was obvious to me from his clothing and tats that this man was into Harley-Davidson motorcycles. The service ended and my husband was ready to leave, but I was feeling that tug from the Lord and told him I had something I was supposed to do.

I waited a few minutes as the man was talking to friends and then I said that I had something to give him. He had already taken my hand in a handshake fashion. I said that I knew he was in pain. He asked me to tell him where. Now, some might see that as a test, but I see it as faith. If he did not have the faith that God would tell me where, he would not have asked. I told him in his back and legs, and that he also had other issues but these were bothering him the most today. Now that might have been obvious to anyone who was watching him sitting, but there was more to come. I asked him if he would like to be healed of it and he gave an enthusiastic yes. (Such faith!) As I prayed I also felt a great and deep sorrow. I told him that he also had this and that he does not share it, but hides it. He was smiling, as is his way to hide it, but he confirmed this with his eyes and a nod. I prayed that the Lord would guide him to the place so that he would be free of it as well. He had less pain and I told him it would continue to improve through the day. He hugged me a couple of times thanking me. He is the leader of a motorcycle ministry through the church, who had been injured in the lower back when he was a young man in the army and had been through five surgeries.

God wanted to do a miracle for that man, but it would not have happened if I, who cannot heal of my own power, had not in obedience approached that man. That is my God out of the box.

Where is God for you today?

~ My Lord, please forgive me for thinking so little of You. Let me show others how wonderful and powerful You are. ~

New Beginnings

Surrender...sacrificing my life or suffering in order to change what needs to be changed. ~Rick Warren

I just finished an eight day fast. Eight is considered the number of new beginnings. My soul is yearning for a new beginning within me. I do not wish to be asking the question "What would Jesus do?" but to be so filled by the Holy Spirit that my Lord's thoughts are my thoughts. I did not expect an instant change during my fast, but an intensifying pursuit of this life-long desire.

I learned some things during the fast and I noticed a little something that has changed in me, but it is only the beginning...or perhaps a continuation of my discipleship. Either way, I welcome it, my Lord.

Last Monday, after we had returned from Pigeon Forge, a woman from my former church had been on my mind all day. Actually, I have been thinking of her very often, wondering if I should go to her and pray for her knee. She had knee replacement surgery in November and all was going well until the knee cap shifted. Many things happened afterward, but at this time the knee cap has been removed and there has been a tenacious infection in the knee area for months. The next thing being considered is to remove all the artificial knee and place a spacer with antibiotics directly at the site. The woman, usually active, has been very depressed with the inability to go out much and now with the fear of losing her leg.

Monday afternoon, I talked with my husband saying I needed to see her that evening. We all went. I prayed over her knee. Now I personally prefer to pray silently, but this time I pray some aloud. I felt movement in her knee and she felt heat. The coloring improved around the edges of the reddened skin and some swelling decreased. She had no pain when pressing on the areas that had been so tender to touch before and she could even bend her knee more than before. She had a sore from which the infection was draining that was along the seam line and still open and she had another developing above it, but she told me a few days later that the second one was gone the following morning.

Instead of getting the confirmation from her infectious disease doctor that she had hoped to receive, the doctor scared this poor woman a few days later saying that the infection was going down farther in the leg and pressing about the urgent need for this surgery. Her lab work showed low numbers that suggested otherwise and later when she was examined by the surgeon, he said he thought it was looking much better and that the sore was smaller, so he wanted to wait another week to see it then. I love this woman so much, she is so open with her feelings and thoughts. She confessed that she did not doubt the prayer for healing but at the same time.... I confessed back that I often feel the same way when I pray for people to be healed, but that God loved her and I know He wanted me to go to her, all I did was obey.

I was getting this information from her as I was fasting which I began on my usual fasting day Wednesday. She asked me to continue to pray for her, but each time I went to the Lord, I felt He was telling me the infection was gone and although she is on my mind now and then, I no longer was feeling that spiritual nagging to do anything in particular.

As fasts go, this one was rougher emotionally during most of it, but I expected that. I did notice something very desirable though in the outcome. I have known a woman for about twelve years, but never really felt comfortable just talking with her. She is always in a hurry working as she is a manager and it seems we have little in common, but the truth is we really do not know each other well enough to know if we have things in common. From the first day I met her, I have always felt intimidated by her...for absolutely no rational reason. I do not wish to give details, but I realize just as I am writing this out that somehow I had given her authority over me in my mind—again this seems to be residual from past abuse. Anyway, I have always felt guarded and a bit anxious around her rather than open and comfortable, however yesterday when she began a conversation with me about fasting because she was just coming off of a juice fast, I was not guarded at all. I was relaxed and it was a very pleasant conversation. I was loving her, really loving her for the very first time in all these years, and I just wanted to bring her into His fold with me. It seems that my Lord has changed my heart and what better way to show me how much than this!

~ My Lord, thank you. I am beginning to understand how to be a woman after Your own heart.  ~

Love In Training

See, I’m so free from me that I’m free from you. Cause you don’t determine my day. No matter how you treat me, doesn’t matter. Cause I will hurt for you and not be hurt by you. ~Todd White

There is something not quite right between God and me. I have been feeling it in waves over the years, but recently it has been ever present like a nagging ache. I did not know what it was or perhaps I did not want to know what it was even though I did, I am just not sure. However, now it has become so obvious to me that denial is not an option. My Lord has lead me to the point that I not only recognize it, but I know without a doubt I need to address it full on and so I am in a fast, praying to seek His heart on this matter and surrender more...completely.

I have forgiven my father for the abuse my siblings and I suffered from him. I have forgiven my mother for not protecting us, being neglectful of us and ignorant of our emotional needs. I have forgiven other family members and friends for their ignorance and inaction and even for when they tried to help the wrong way. I have forgiven those who still resent me for their families helping me. I have come to terms with the evil done to me and how God had allowed it, because Satan is loose on this earth at this time.

I have forgiven just about everyone I can think to forgive except one group of numerous, mostly unknown-to-me, people who identify themselves as Christians. More than that, I realize that while I have plenty of compassion for the individual, collectively I see people as not being worth it. I got sucked into the idea of looking and acting Christian. I wanted to fit into a pristine model, so I could make others believe I belonged...perhaps make myself believe it as well. However, I became rigid and legalistic and just plain churchy. I felt sorry for people and looked down on them at the same time, the way many people looked at me probably when they found out about my past. This is not the way of my Lord.

My Lord knows how to get my attention; He led us to a small Calvinist church where we went for nearly two years. There was good purpose in this. The pastor had a local radio show and was a very in depth Bible teacher, breaking down the ancient words and their translations, which was so needed for my husband, because he did not have a strong background in the Bible. They still could not convince me to give up the translation of my choice, New American Standard Bible, in favor of the King James, so I was never considered to be the purist that they thought I should be. It was during this time that I began noticing hypocrisies, the main one there was how he preached against legalism, yet it was the most legalistic church I had ever been in or have been in since.

I just want to say that the best way for me to learn about my own faults is to either be touched by someone who is so right in the way I am so wrong or be touched by someone who is extreme in my own wrong. The latter was the case with the Calvinist church so many years ago. Their denial of their extreme legalistic theology made me notice how much the same had taken root in my own heart and I began to soften. In fact, it was this time that I had surrendered to the Holy Spirit.

Recently, I have been touched by someone who is so right in the way I am so wrong and the timing is no coincidence. I posted a few videos of Todd White previously. Since then I have watched other videos on YouTube of him teaching and his street ministry. I so lack what he has, a genuine love for people and no fear because he believes without a doubt that God is the Ultimate Power. He is courageous and even outrageous in his approach to people. It does not always work out, but even then he does not give in to feeling defeated. He just loves the people that Jesus loves...all people. The one doing bad things is not his enemy, but that one lost sheep that the Shepherd loves and searches for. Todd believes that Christians are to be the Kingdom, to be Jesus, to all people.

I am not excusing myself, because that love for people is in me for the Holy Spirit is in me, but my life experiences tainted my feelings for people, even people I have known for a long time. Not feeling safe with and not trusting my own parents plays into this. In the back of my mind, not even in conscious thought, is this fear that people are all potential abusers and I feel so vulnerable. One on one I do better, but somehow I am convinced there is evil lurking in a group that can overpower me. This is not just a reserved nature, it is something that has kept me from a ministry that I believe my Lord wishes for me to move into now. If it is not from my Lord or keeping me from full obedience to my Lord, then it is not something I want.

There is one group I need to forgive yet: the church. Not a church, not any one particular church, but the church in general. On one hand, I am angry with the church because it does not recognize God's workings within it and many even hamper the Holy Spirit so much that people are uncomfortable when they do witness miracles. On the other hand, I am very sad because people within the church, including myself, do not know how to be Jesus and just love people. Because of these things, the church only perpetuated my problems within it and with it.

The church has become a place where people can shelter themselves from the world, socialize and have ministries for those who are members and for the purpose of increasing its membership, while outreach became institutionalized and a lost art in our daily lives. (Watch this Todd White video and you will see what I mean.)

This is not how Jesus did it. He did not go out to get more people in His synagogue, but into His church. His church was not a building or in any particular place, but in the heart and soul of the individual. He sent out his disciples...sent them out! They were the church.

There have been times in our life together that my husband and I did not have a church home and a few times when we just gave up looking. This time is very different! We are not looking for a church for the Lord has not yet revealed to us where we are to be. We are simply enjoying the differing forms of worship with other Christians in the churches near us. We would not have had this opportunity if we had stayed in the same church as we had. We have learned much, experienced the Holy Spirit in differing settings, and met people with which we have an eternal life. Sometimes I miss the familiarity of a church home, but the more time I have without it, the more my Lord has been showing me how to be His church.

I missed two really great opportunities last Thursday when I was out on errands to let these two people know that God loved them. As I walked away, I heard my Lord's thoughts on what I could have said. Usually, I would feel I failed Him and be down on myself, but at this time I have this attitude that I am in training and I am going to get it wrong sometimes, yet my Lord, who loves me so much, is going to be persistent in teaching me to be like Him more each day. Later that same day, I was given the opportunity to pray for healing of two others when I was highly uncomfortable about it, because I knew neither was Christian and seemed to be influenced by New Age philosophies. Both felt the healing and through that I helped them to feel God's love for them.

And, I will get better at this. I am surrendering to my Lord and I am forgiving the church as I continue in my fast.

~ My Lord, I wish to surrender myself to You and be as You are with people. ~

Healing in Obedience

Since Christ came to do the Father’s will, the fact that He healed them all is proof that it is God’s will that all be healed. ~T. L. Osborn, Healing The Sick

Some years ago when I was new to healing, a couple in our church were in car accident. I did not know the couple as they were quite new to our church and my husband and I were involved with ministries with youth and drama at the time, but I did know that they were raised in the Catholic church and were now in the Church of the Nazarene.

The man had given a testimony a few Sundays before the accident. He had been a construction worker some years before, but was disabled when he fell and broke his back in several places. He still had terrible back pain, but he was able to start his own construction company on the west coast of Florida, just before Hurricane Andrew hit the east coast. Since there was so much need for construction in the Miami area, he traveled there with his family to supervise the workers and would come home on the weekends when they could. It was a four to five hour drive one-way straight through without any traffic or problems, but not for him. He would have to stop every thirty minutes to get out of the vehicle to stretch and walk around for about ten to twenty minutes, so the drive took six to eight hours.

One of the last jobs he was contracted to do from the Andrew disaster was a church. He had prospered well from the work in the area and the church had little money to rebuild, so he decided to give something back to the Lord and promised to rebuild it at cost...but the pastor had two strange stipulations. You see, the entire church was in shambles with not but one wall standing. This wall had a huge framed picture of Jesus and all the people felt it was a miracle. In fact, it was a miracle because many people were healed when they touched the picture, even just the frame. The stipulations were that 1) the wall would not be torn down, and the new walls would be incorporated with it and 2) that they would build a cage so that people could still freely come and go to touch the picture while the church was being constructed. Both were quite problematic for the construction company, but the owner agreed to the terms.

For the months it took to build the new church, the man watched long lines of people come to pray and touch the picture...and be healed. Even as abandoned crutches, braces, and wheelchairs were lined up outside the wall of the church, the man was skeptical. When the church was finally completed, the pastor and he did a walk through as the pastor admired the work and thanked him. At the end of their conversation the pastor sat with the man in the new sanctuary looking at the picture on the wall and he said, "I know you want to touch it. The doors will lock automatically when you leave. Stay as long as you want." Then he left.

The owner of the construction company felt foolish, but also thought if there was just the smallest chance.... He walked up to the picture and placed his hands on it with tears freely falling from his eyes. Although profoundly moved, he was disappointed when he felt nothing physically and then he left, checking the door to be sure it locked behind him. On the drive from Miami to his west coast home, his family had fallen asleep. His wife awoke startled that they were just an hour from home because he had not stopped. Taking her advice, although not feeling the usual pain and tightness in his legs, he pulled over and got out to stretch as he had been doing for nearly two years on that trip, but this time he had absolutely no pain. He drove the rest of the way home also without having to stop. He had been healed.

Not long after joining our church in Florida, this same man and his wife had been in a car accident. He was in the hospital having seizures for reasons unknown. His wife had whiplash, but had been released.

Before this happened, our pastor had started opening the sanctuary early on Wednesday mornings for anyone who wanted to come and pray before going to work or just any time in the morning. Back then my fasting day had been on Monday, but I felt led to change it to Wednesday and pray at the church. It was on a Wednesday during that prayer time that I felt the Lord pressing me to go to the hospital and pray for the healing of this man and his wife. Now if you really knew me, particularly back then, you would also know how much aversion I have toward hospitals, but not necessarily for the typical reasons. I was well aware then of how empathic I was and being in a place were so many are ill at the same time also made me quite ill while I was there. Additionally, I was pretty new to the healing gift and not confident with it at all.

Needless to say, I was not eager to obey. So, I tried to bargain with my Lord. "I will go, but I ask that no else is there." I went. His entire family was there. His mother and father and sister and on and on. I did not think they allowed so many visitors in a hospital room! I wanted to run out of the room. I thought I could just say some pleasant words and escape or come back after everyone left, but no, I felt it was to be there and then. I was so unsure of myself and even scared, but if the Lord wanted me to pray for healing, then what else was I to do but obey Him.

His wife was there as well, still having neck pain. I asked if I could pray for her and, having said yes, I placed my hands on her neck and upper back. She was healed instantly. Some family members were crossing themselves in the Catholic fashion at that point and I am pretty sure they were not thinking I was a saint, probably quite the opposite. Then I asked the man if he would like me to pray for him and he said yes, even though he was heavily medicated. His wife thanked me and I said we should be thanking God. Then we hugged and I left.

A few days later the man was out of the hospital, much earlier than the doctors had predicted, and at the Sunday morning church service. He was much better, but still on medication and having small seizures. He had three during the service and after the service the pastor called us the few of us left back into the sanctuary asking "anyone who believes in healing prayer" to go to the alter and pray over the man. There were about twenty men and one woman praying for that man, I was that only woman. Immediately, afterward I had to sit down as I was very shaky and could barely stand or walk, which happens to me sometimes when the power of the Holy Spirit overwhelms me during a healing. The pastor eagerly pulled me aside to ask what I felt. We kept this quiet in the church, but the pastor and his wife at times did not contain their enthusiasm very well.

Although the man did not heal instantly, his seizures did diminish in frequency, duration, and strength quickly afterward.

I was reminded of this story, as I wrote Faith in Action, how I terribly uncomfortable I felt that day in the hospital room not sure that I should have even been there and praying for healing too, no less, in front of people who probably thought...well, I don't want to think about what they thought really. I realized later that my Lord had a purpose in it as his family would see the healing happen so that the man could witness to them and the immediate healing of the wife's whiplash was the confirmation that I had been obedient. But, even now, I still am concerned half of the time that I think I feel the Lord pressing me to do something, if I am not just making it up in my head...and sometimes I wish it was true so that I could just dismiss those thoughts, but that does not work when they really are not my thoughts, but His.

~ My Lord, may I hear You clearly, obey You blindly, and bear witness of You through healing and other wonders. ~

Healing on the Streets

Unbelieving believers believe enough to get to heaven but not enough for heaven to get into them. So what we need to be is believing believers and walk this thing. Jesus paid a price for us not for us to just go to heaven but for heaven to get into us, so that we could represent heaven on earth. ~Todd White

Whew! What a quote! Amen and amen!

If you have been reading along, you may remember just two weeks ago that I prayed for a woman's back to be healed when I was at my favorite health food store. I wrote about it in A Healer Stepping Out from Cessationism. I saw her again this Thursday and she still has not had any back pain at all.

I am writing about this because I am both amazed in how God heals through me and at the same time it is a frequent occurrence in my life. I wish more Christians would experience the miracle of healing and believe it is God's will that we pray in belief for healing of others!

I came across these videos and I felt I should share them here on my blog. They reveal an amazing story about an amazing man, Todd White, through whom God heals people in the most amazing ways...and he is out there doing it on the streets, healing unbelievers! Turning them into believers! WOW!!!! That is my God!









This man's ministry has cause me to rethink a few things about a healing ministry. In my own experience, more have been healed when I prayed over them outside of the church than inside. There is something that just does not seem right about that, but I want to be willing to go and do as God desires, not what gives me a false sense of safety.

~ My Lord, thank you for this amazing ministry and please continue to bless Todd White and others who are street missionaries healing people. May I, my Lord, be so willing to be used by You, showing Your love for all people wherever I meet them meeting them where they are.  ~

Our First Seder

The disciples went out and came to the city, and found it just as He had told them; and they prepared the Passover. ~Mark 14:16

We went back to Church #2 the Sunday night before last and learned that they would be having a Seder on Palm Sunday. I would like to say here that it is truly amazing how the Lord provides as my husband and I have been wanting to do a Seder, but just had not for various reasons. We both were eager for our daughter to participate in this tradition with many other believers and signed up to bring a roast and unleavened bread, so yesterday we arrived at 4:45pm and were given some duties to help prepare the meal.

My husband prepared the water in bowls for cleansing our fingers and the salt water in which the bitter herbs are dipped. I poured drinking water along with a woman pour the grape juice (instead of wine) from which we would drink four times during the meal in observances of specific things. One man prepared the Seder plates with parsley, prepared horseradish, and a sweet apple mixture.

In the beginning we took the matzah (unleaven bread) and broke it so we would have three pieces. At one time we were to take some of the horseradish on the matzah to eat. Many had a reaction to that, but it did not bother me as much as I like wasabi with my sushi, which is basically the same thing. My husband told me that it is traditional that they take enough horseradish to cause the eyes to tear, but few did that and even those seemed unintentional. I actually liked the sweet apple mixture with the horseradish which we had on the second piece of the matzah. This Seder was done with a Messianic style as we believe the Messiah has come so the last piece of matzah was after the main meal as the communion service.

The Princess being under 13 years old was asked to read a portion that were four questions that a child should ask and that are answered during this precious observance of the Passover. The pastor asked all the children under 13 to cover their eyes while he hid the afikomen, matzah placed in a cover or bag for which they will search after the main meal. There were two boys and the Princess, they did not have a chance. She found it and was given a dollar.

Afterward there was just praise and worship. I should not say "just" as it was very moving. The Princess immediately grabbed a pair of flags and later she when for a large one with "holy" written on it. She is quite the flag waver. There were three that came forth with prophetic words and visions. My Princess approached the pastor and told him that she has had an ear out of which she has not been able to hear for a few days possibly from water being trapped and she has learned that asking for people to pray over her is not being selfish, and that at our old church three people had not asked to be prayed over for healing when they knew they had to have surgery. The pastor prayer over her closed ear and also the closed ears in the churches. She is not at all shy and I am so glad that she has had the opportunity experience this freer form of worship. People love that child and she does not even realize how much she is used by God!

Later we were asked to pray over a woman who had just come out of ICU just a couple of days before. When everyone else began cleaning up, I went back to her and prayed over her some more. I knew all kinds of things about her, like she had trouble sleeping, but I also knew she would sleep better that night. A little later she was able to breathe without any pain and just before she left I saw her walking without her cane and oxygen. She told me that she has died a couple of times but came back from heaven because she did not feel that she was done here. I would like to hear more from her. Another woman there had been burned by steam a week before at her job, but it still looked terribly red so I prayed over her for that and the sciatic nerve problem I felt from her as well. there was a place on her leg that was completely numb, but it began tingling as I prayed. She thanked me  for being obedient to God. I cannot fully tell you how wonderful it is to be with people who are believing believers.

After my husband finished up in the kitchen (that man loves cooking and kitchens), he talked with two men who hunt and one raised rabbits for the family as we do. They have New Zealand blacks and we have whites, but it is good to know someone with whom you can trade for a non-related breeder.

Church #2 will not be having services next Sunday night, which is Resurrection Day. Most of the people who gather there, as they do not have members, are members of churches. Some will be going to sunrise services so that would make for a long day for them, particularly if they have a family get-together also, but they are going to be starting a series on healing of abuses. I am interested. Last night my husband wanted to find a book I reviewed nearly a year ago on healing, The Essential Guide to Healing: Equipping All Christians to Pray for the Sick, so that he can take it with him while he is away for work this week. It seems that the Lord is leading us all to understanding how to be obedient in praying for healing. I think I know a bit how Jesus felt when He said that He had not seen such faith in all of Israel as I have rarely seen it in any church.

We arrived home very late and the Princess did not get an early start today, but I think what she learned and experienced last night was far better than textbooks, so we had shorter lessons than usual. Her ear is fine today also.

~ My Lord, thank you for providing us the opportunity to observe a Seder with You and our brothers and sisters. ~

A Healer Stepping Out from Cessationism

You can't have healing without sickness. ~T.D. Jakes

A week ago, when I was shopping at my favorite little health store, one of the mangers was walking in obvious pain. I really cannot stand to see people in pain and I often feel it from them even when I do not see the obvious signs. I asked her about it and she said she had a doctor's appointment later that day. I asked her to take my hand and we both just simply prayed silently, without fanfare, right next to the cracker section. I felt her pain in my own body as is common with my gift, although it does not always happen. When I was done, much of her pain was gone and she could move freely. I told her it would improve more that day. When I saw her this last Thursday, she thanked me for praying over her, but I said that she should just thank our God, which I know she did. She also said she did not go to the doctor at all, as she was completely healed that day. She is a believing believer.

That is all it takes, a believing believer willing to receive healing.

When I was very young and not often in any church, I did not understand what the differences in denominations were or the differences in philosophies that created them. When you are young there are only the Bible stories of Abraham, Noah, Moses, Samson, Elijah, Elisha, Jeremiah, Peter, Paul, and Jesus. There are miracles of a sea parting, a virgin birth, sick being healed, oil never running out, angel encounters, even the dead being restored to life. There were people being healed in the name of Jesus and prophecies written. All those things are believed by a little child, they were believed by me, but somewhere along the way I guess I was suppose to grow up and give up my childish faith. I was suppose to figure out, just like there is no Santa Claus, that such miracles happened 2000 years ago and God no longer gave gifts to people as He did then. This is called cessationism; its opposite is continuationism.

I guess I never really grew up or at least I never grew into cessationism although it surrounded me in the churches to which I attended. I thank God that I kept my child-like faith in Him. He can do anything and any way He wants and through anyone He chooses. One thing I noticed is that most miracles were done through people, people who were ordinary except in their faith and willingness to obey their Lord. What I never read in the Bible was that God would stop using miracles through ordinary but surrendered people.

Years ago I had an encounter with my Lord that changed my perspective even more. It happened on the last day of a twelve day fast when I was completely surrendered. It was then that God made me aware of the gift He had given me: healing and words of knowledge in an empathic sense where I can feel another's pain or know what area of the body is in distress or is diseased.

My friends who are not Christian say I am an empathic healer. Some of my Christian friends say that I have the gift of healing prayer. A few Christian friends will call upon me asking for healing, but tell me not to call myself a healer because all healing comes from God and to say "I am a healer," even if I given all the credit of that statement to God, is not proper, or is prideful, or suggests I am not really giving God the glory. It is okay to say you are a priest, rabbi, reverend, or pastor, if you have the credentials, but titles given by God manifested in His works through you, as with a prophet, prophetess, or healer, are basically taboo in mainstream Christianity, or so it seems to me.

I wonder when Jesus said He was the Son of Man if anyone thought He was not giving God the glory, but if He had said He was the Son of God, He would have been thought of as a heretic, even though both titles were true. Sometimes no matter what title used, it will be the wrong way to say it: I could say God gave me the gift of healing prayer or that I am a healer, and both are true. God gave me the gift and the title "healer" identifies it and connects it to me.

So many years I hid this gift because the roots of cessationism runs through many Christian denominations. Even in denominations that believe these gifts of the Spirit are still given, it is just not believed it would be given to them or anyone they know. I have been in cessationist denominations from the time I was a teen until around the age of 30; it was then that my Lord called us to the Church of the Nazarene. Eventually, I found that this was a denomination that branched off the charismatic movement, but toned down as they do not believe in tongues, unless the purpose was to speak to people of a language that was unknown to the one speaking it.

In the Church of the Nazarene, I found a safe haven and even encouragement to use my gift of healing by the pastor and other leaders, but in a quiet way that kept the attention off me and sensationalizing the act. When we moved from Florida into Georgia, I soon learned that at least some of the Nazarene churches here were even more influenced with cessationism. The pastor of closest and first Nazarene church we visited rejected my claims saying that the empathic knowledge was not a named gift in the Bible. We were without a home church for about two years after that.

Having learned to again keep my gift quiet, we tried another Nazarene church that was just too difficult in distance to really be involved, but even there I was not seeing people coming up to the alter for prayer of healing. After much prayer, we were led to a non-denominational church and I suppose many believed in a healing gift there, but I still kept it quiet, never really using it as a ministry.

Later we were led back a Nazarene church that had moved closed to us. It was timely as within just a couple of months the pastor woke one morning and could not use the right side of her body, but it would take a year before they could diagnose her illness that came and went. I prayed over her many times. She would often feel electrical sensations from my hands and get instant relief, but she was never completely healed of it and I think at the heart of it was a demonic attack. I prayed over others at various times, a few were healed completely and immediately, and more were relieved of pain. It was a very small church, so once used there I could not have hidden my gift even if I wanted to do so and I did not feel the Lord wanted me to do so. However, I was the one approaching them, asking them if they would allow me to pray for them, and no one came to me asking for healing—and once when praying over one member she asked me to stop.

Please understand that I am not saying this to make claims of my importance, but I noticed a formula that happened with nearly every healing in the Bible: the healer was asked to heal. The one who needed healing was present and asking for healing or someone came asking for a person who was not present. I have learned through my Lord that healing does not happen if the person who needs it is not willing to receive it. A sign that they are willing to receive is that they will ask.

One of the things that confirmed to me that we were called out of the little Nazarene church we have been for four years and I did not list in the resignation letter is that three people within four months had scheduled surgeries and not one of them asked for healing. Not one came to the altar asking others to pray with them for healing. Even knowing I was a healer, they did not ask me to pray over them. Over the course of the four years we were there, there were several surgeries, but no petitions for healing before them, only asking for prayer that the surgery and recovery went well. Healing so that surgery was not even needed? That was not going to happen. They never gave God the opportunity! I gave up even offering prayer for healing unless strongly prodded by the Spirit, because I knew they were not willing to receive the healing they needed. It was right there. God would not have withheld it from them. He gave every opportunity to them, even to providing a healer among them, and all they had to do was reach out to Him so He could hand this precious gift to them but they would not stretch out their hands in simply asking for the healing. Can you imagine the outreach that little church would have had if people were being healed there?

Jesus said “Truly, I say to you, no prophet is welcome in his hometown." (Luke 4:24) Now you would think that a healing would be welcomed, but if Jesus, the Healer, was rejected in his hometown, how can He not know my heartbreak?

Cessionationism has kept so many Christian people suffering because it is a doctrine of unbelieving believers. So many of them cannot be healed because they lack the faith to receive the healing God would have for them. They have proven cessationism to themselves with their own lack of faith of God's works through fellow believers; this is the trap of circular reasoning. It began to trap me also. I began to doubt that I even still had the gift. I wondered often if I am using it in the wrong way and that is why some were not healed. Even though I can feel most of the time, when someone is receiving the healing, I often have felt that I could have done more when they were not receiving it. I have often felt as if I lack the ability to meet a person at his faith level and raise it to the point he will receive the healing—Jesus was so good at this and I have done it, but the believers I was around the most were the ones on which my healing prayers were the least effective. I realize now that I had lost much of my confidence in healing and felt lost as to what the Lord wanted from me.

All it took was a believing believer needing and willing to receive healing in a grocery store and about a three-minute prayer.

Imagine how Jesus felt when He was right there among the people who needed Him so desperately, who thought they were experts on the whole religion thing, yet could not recognize the Son of God, even through the miracles He did! I understand fully why Jesus was angry with them and I was angry as well with my former church, because I saw, I felt, how much they had squelched the Spirit of God, which caused me to doubt myself, my hearing His words to me, this wonderful gift, and my even own beliefs. Now I am just saddened for them. This is a terrible infectious illness that must be cleansed in the churches. Cessationism is a deceptive lie, a sickness to be healed, that comforts those who believe in it so that they will not discover their own lack of faith in God.

It is so very heartbreaking, but today I am thanking God for the one woman who was willing to receive healing, because it was not only she who received something from that healing prayer, but I did as well: I received His purpose back into my life. Perhaps healing is to be my ministry now. Perhaps I am now ready to stop reigning this gift back to appease the cessationists and use it as it pleases my Lord. He gave it to me for a purpose.

~ My Lord, today I pray for the cessationists. I pray that You will heal them and spiritually enlighten them so that they are willing to receive physical healing as needed. I ask You, my Lord, to guide me and use me. Thank you for showing me that I was too concerned about what people would think if they were not healed and to rejoice with the ones who are willing to receive healing. I still need help with this, but I trust in You. ~