Waiting for God means power to do nothing save under command. This is not lack of power to do anything. Waiting for God needs strength rather than weakness. It is power to do nothing. It is the strength that holds strength in check. It is the strength that prevents the blundering activity which is entirely false and will make true activity impossible when the definite command comes. ~G. Campbell Morgan
However, last Wednesday during our last prayer meeting of the fast, the evidence about that which I had concerns had already manifested. There is an urgency to make a decision about what we must do and I understand it because quite frankly we are just plain out of money to support our monthly expenses for the church. There may be no reason left to question whether or not to use the monies from the building fund. One board member said that he had received messages from half of the other board members about selling the property and either rent a school on Sunday morning, as they used to do, or a store front.
Honestly, I do not care if we sell or not or where we worship, I only want to do as God wills, and that is not what God has shown me as I just shared in my last post: Four More Makes Forty. Could I have been wrong? Yes. I wonder often when I see visions if those things are just made up in my mind, but when I ask the Lord...well, I am certain. Yet, if what I saw is God's plan, why is there not consensus? After all this prayer and seeking, why has no one else received the same message...at least there is no one of which I know who has spoken out other than my husband.
Breaking it down, selling means that we would no longer have a mortgage payment and we would have some equity, even though we still have to make mortgage payments until it sells. There are three things against us on selling. One is that no commercial properties have sold in our county for two years...absolutely none! Two, we are next to a car salvage yard, which makes it less appealing. Three, the price of properties have sharply declined in our area and we probably would not get as much equity out of the sale as we would like. Yet, if it is God's will that we sell, then it will sell.
Then there is the question of where to meet. There has been talk about in homes and the suggestion to split up our church into four geographical groups but some of our members have difficulty with steps as many homes have here. Renting another place would would be nearly as much as our mortgage payment or a school which would be about the larger portion of our mortgage payment with set up and tear down for Sunday morning services and other meetings in homes. This church began with services in a school that way and it was hard work. Yet, if any of these ideas are God's will, this will also be resolved.
Still, I felt that our "wait" for that answer for which everyone was hoping would not just happen at the end of the fast. I feared that this anxiousness would bring people to make decisions based on realities they see instead of on faith in what they cannot see. That His will shall be done is not in doubt here. I know He can and will close doors until the only one before us is the one He would have us choose. The only thing that concerns me is the process, how long it will take and how painful it will be to get there. The sacrifice this fast symbolized may only have just begun....
I am reminded right now about when my husband lost his job nearly three years ago now. It was one of the most frightening times of my life. He looked so hard, but he just could not find anything. We had severance pay that barely covered our expenses, but it was running out. I prayed and fasted, and fasted and prayed for those months. I asked the Lord if I should try to find a job and the answer was "no" that my husband would have a job before the severance pay ran out. I tried at a few places hiring anyway, but I also did not get anything. All this time, some Christians, mentors of mine, suggested that I should continue to look, even though I told them I was certain that God was telling me not to waste my time and to focus on homeschooling, as I was meant to do. I finally chose to trust in what I believed God was telling me. In the back of my mind, I knew they were advising me the same way I would advise someone in my situation, but had they really prayed so that they would be giving me God's advice? The most difficult part for me was realizing they had no message from the Lord specifically about me finding a job.
In the end, all we could do is wait, pray, and fast, while my husband kept putting in his resumes everywhere. The week we received his last severance check, he also got a phone call for a job he had not even applied. At the interview, he was immediately hired by the company and the very person the Lord had told me would hire him right after he was "let go." I learned something about waiting and God's timing and having faith in the unseen regardless of the things we see. However, it is a very difficult thing to do, probably the hardest thing I have ever learned and I cannot say that it would be easy the next time...that would be this time actually.
Lately, the Lord has been nudging, prodding, and even pushing me out of my comfort zone in ways I cannot begin to completely explain right now and I truly am quite uncomfortable! During the last week of this fast, I experienced the most difficult time physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I even wrestled with God about things He was asking me to do--Imagine the cheek!--while I could barely contain myself from not sharing the information at the same time.
The thing about visions is that people may make decisions based on them instead of hearing God for themselves and what if I am wrong? This is the fate of an entire church, although small, with so much potential, that can take a major set back if we do not take the right steps. Yet, if they cannot hear God on this matter...? I can understand why God has had to make use of prophets. In some ways, I wish someone would just tell us what we are supposed to do...but, on the other hand, I would rather be spared of being that person.
~ My Lord, I understand why I felt nervous about the ending of this fast now. Please, my Lord, please, let Your plan be known and let there be agreement with it. Please keep us from spending time and funds on that which is unnecessary to that plan. Please, make us all hear you. If we are to yet wait, my Lord, then let us do so with faith and not be anxious, but be busy in doing Your work as we wait for the unseen to become seen. ~
