The Best of Date Nights...Well, So Far

Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold. ~Judith Olney

My husband and I went out for sushi at our favorite local sushi bar to which we had not been for some time. They had renovated and it was quite lovely, a more sophisticated and simple, contemporary Japanese design with a strong presence of white and black that was quite appealing. We sat that the sushi bar as we used to do before the child and watched the artistic preparations of the colorful sushi. Maybe it was because it had been so long since I had it, but the sushi seemed to taste taste better than ever as well.

Before we ordered, I asked if we would be going for ice cream afterward, as that is also something we used to do and it would make a difference in how much sushi we should order. My husband was ready to order more at the end of our meal, but later confessed that he was glad we did not.

We went over to Cold Stone, a rather high priced ice cream place were they mix your chosen ice cream concoction on cold marble. We chose something different to share that we have not ordered before: The Pie Who Loved Me. It was wonderful! We selected the regular size chocolate dipped waffle and watched the hand mixing of cheesecake ice cream with Oreo cookies, graham cracker pie crust, and fudge. The only thing I would change next time is replace the cookies with brownies. Brownies are just always better!

We decided to sit outside as it was still warm and I had a warm sweater to offset the expected chill from the ice cream. We had just sat down to enjoy two delicious bites each and then a man approached us. I did not recognize him at first due to a partial beard, but my husband was already up to meet a good friend of ours that we have not seen much for the last couple of years, although we used to spend many weekends and meals together for a couple of years when we all went the same church. Then we saw his daughter, who is six years younger than mine, and now in "double-digits" as her mother put it, since she has turned ten years old.

The rest of their group, his wife, her sister, and her sister's husband, emerged from Starbucks and I immediately grabbed our ice cream and to sit with them. Her sister's family was looking to move here from New York, last we knew, and they had settled in since, so this was the first time we had met them. It turned out that they were considering homeschooling their youngest daughter, who is thirteen.

We had lots to chat about as we had just looked at a house that morning that was more than what we needed, it was that huge. In fact it was 4,231 square feet of the finished livable spaces, which did not include the basement or the bonus room above the two-car garage. Oh, I loved it, but it was in all honesty more house than I would want to clean, even with the central vacuuming system. The kitchen, though, was perfection once the main sink faucet was updated. The upstairs had one bedroom en suite as large as our present one and two smaller bedrooms with a Jack and Jill bathroom between them. Then there was two rooms on opposite ends of the hallway that were quite large; one was being used as an office and the other a sitting room. I could see us using one as an office and sitting room for us my husband and I, while the other would be our daughter's hangout room with her digital piano and artwork and friends. The master on the main was perfect for my mother-in-law. However, it looked like the owners planned to do some of the finishing as they lived there, yet they had been there for fifteen years....perhaps their situation changed and they were unable to complete it. Upstairs were several unfinished touches that needed done, like the wood work was not painted, the stairs dry walls had not been painted, vents were missing, and little things mostly cosmetic like that. The downstairs looked finished but the painting was not professional looking with the edges not being straight and such. The painting that was done was just enough to drive me crazy, but then not being as fond of blue as they were, I was planning to have to paint anyway. Then the basement was framed for rooms, but that was all. Nothing was completed there even the very basic full bathroom. However, it was almost the size of my entire house on each floor and the basement as well. Then there was that upcoming road widening to consider, so maybe if we had another $100,000, or even $50,000, to work with or the other five acres behind it that is cleared? I can see that property if finished and after the road construction is done and we placed some fast going evergreens lined up along the road front and fences, that property would probably be worth nearly twice it is now, but as it is, the sellers are hoping for the very limit of what we can afford and at that price we were hoping for move-in ready...not move from one room to a another to finish it, which we could do because it is big enough.

We had not had the chance to tell our friends all what had been happening as to why we were looking for a new house so we all updated each other on our lives. Lots of changes to discuss and it was a highly pleasant conversation. This made our date was even better than if we had planned it. I so needed to actually have a conversation with people as my anxiety levels have been rising steadily. You know, I just think my Father loves me so much that He provides what I do not even know I need without me needing to ask.

When we finally said our good-byes as they needed to get to a store before it closed, my husband and I went home to spend the rest of the night together alone to talk and just be with each other. Then I had the best sleep I have had in weeks and woke up with a much brighter attitude than I have for about the same amount of time, but I think I dreamed of that house and I cannot get it out of my mind. So much potential....

Thank you, my Lord, for sweetening up my outlook on life and reminding me I am not taking this journey alone and without guidance. You are here with me, watching out for me with a loving heart.

Giving a Friend a Gift

A friend is a gift you give yourself.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a friend who just loved our drinking jars, which we bought nearly fifteen years ago at store. She has been using mason jars without handles, but she liked ours with the handle so much that I have been looking for some for over a year...ever since she asked me where we had gotten ours. That is not to say I did not find any during the past year, but $10 per glass was a bit steep I felt, as much as I love her. So, imagine how elated I was to see a set of four drinking jars on sale for $10 in the Kohl's sales catalog starting this past weekend, plus I had a 20% off coupon; I planned on getting them eight glasses! We were having lunch out with this same family on Sunday after church and then we were going to do some shopping hoping they would take our daughter back to the church with theirs for practice for the Easter program.

Lunch was great and they took off with my daughter so my husband and I were alone, such a rare event. My husband wanted to go to Sam's Club before we went to Kohl's and that is when we saw this cute set that not only had colorful lids with two sets of matching straws, but also burlap sleeves with little sweet like sayings. Seeing that there was an orange one, my friend's absolutely favorite color, we got the set of six for $17 and never made it to Kohl's. Aren't they cute? I wanted to give the glasses to them right away, because I thought that my friend, also being a Sam's Club Member, might see them and buy them before their anniversary which is over a month away. So we gave them, unwrapped, when we picked up our daughter at their house. They really liked them as much as I hoped they would and, of course, my friend claimed the orange one the moment she saw it. Do I know my friend or what?

~ My Lord, thank you for sweet moments like this one when a simple gift can make a friend smile. ~

Three Days and Two Nights in Pigeon Forge

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. ~Earl Wilson

This picture and the next one of tulips was taken at Pigeon Forge by my very talented daughter, the Princess. Her eye for photography is so natural to her that she does not even realize how good she is.

You might be wondering at this point how we ended up on a long weekend break in Pigeon Forge and this is how it began: In February, during the public school winter break (they have a week long break about every six weeks) a warm spell that fooled us to believe spring was here (because it was really cold, near freezing, after that until just recently) and I was lonely because my husband had been away for a few weeks, a friend invited me to go with their family on a cookout at a park about an hour's drive away. My daughter fell in love with that park.

While talking and walking around the pond (the park called it a lake—I think not), I offered to take care of their six-year-old during the public school spring break in the next six weeks, which shows how much of a friend she is because I dislike taking care of other people's children as a rule. After talking about Pigeon Forge—spurred by being outdoors among the tall trees and seeing cabins for rent there—and finding out that my husband and I had not been there, my friend began forming this idea. She thought we all should share a cabin at Pigeon Forge on the last weekend of that break.

Now we have been out of debt, except for the mortgage, since October and we have caught up on some things that needed fixing—not all, but some. However, we have a major expense coming up for which we have been saving: replacing widows and siding on our house. I was weighing that in my mind as my friend continued this weekend getaway plan in hers.

My husband thought it would be a good thing too. Inquiries as to availability were made. The cabins they had rented before were not available but a larger one was: four bedrooms, three full bathrooms, hot tub, and game room! Everyone asked for time off work (but me) and sent in the first half of the rent for two nights, however there had been a fire in the Pigeon Forge area afterward and for a few days we did not know if the cabin had been involved.
 
Friday we left on what could have been just a four hour drive, but we had to stop for lunch. Our cabin was on the lower part of a quiet, pine-covered mountain just outside "the strip," which is the main road lined with side-to-side tourists attractions. Tourist traps are not usually my kind of thing as I prefer the woods and hiking and relaxing and maybe a little shopping, but I am flexible. We did not go hiking, but we did have a nice balance of doing exciting, action things as well as relaxing ones. The food we made and the food we had out was all very good—too good so shows my waistline. My friend makes the most interesting dishes that are really easy to make and taste delicious, probably because of her love for cheese, cream cheese, and sour cream. She made a layered taco dip and what she called a chess cake, both quite memorable.

There was a bit of a disappointment when we were looking for the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Shop. We saw the inside wall with a mural of a cow on the outside of its neighboring store and rubble where the shop had been. I was so looking forward to going there, but there were other ice cream shops. We decided on Marble Slab Creamery and ate way too much of really, really good ice cream. I do not remember feeling hungry at all during the entire trip, which indicates how much I over ate.

Oh, before you go to the pictures below there was one small hiccup. When we arrived home we noticed that one of our rabbits had been moved from one cage to another and the middle one where it belonged was unlatched. Our pets were to be cared for by a neighbor with four rescued dogs and a cat of her own. My husband set up the rabbits with extra water and food so that she would not have to mess with them at all...or so we planned. However, even though both he and I check the cages to be sure they were latched, at some point one of the rabbits got out. Now we have them in a penned area, but it is mostly to keep large animals out and rabbits can get out. So, the next door neighbors' two dogs are going wild because Sharii (Shah REE) is chasing around the half grown rabbit. Now that might sound like a dangerous situation and Sharii can get rough, but usually with a rabbit of this size, not more than an aggressive male rabbit to another. I felt so bad for the lady, but the rabbit came up to her and she got it into a cage. I guess the next time we go anywhere we will padlock the pen, because someone had to have unlocked the middle cage. (And we were more worried about the dog, because we had never done this before with her.)

Anyway, we finally went on a little vacation that we have not done in almost eight years, spent almost every penny we brought with us, had a very good time with lots of memories, and everyone lived!


Bears' Den Cabin

I need to give credit to the photographer here. All the pictures taken of the cabin except for the one she is in was taken by the Princess. She has a very good eye for taking pictures, especially the one of her friend on the porch swing.

(I have to insert here that I am very frustrated with Photobucket as it used to have a feature so that the pictures in the slide show could be placed in the desired order, but it is completely reformatted and I cannot find any way to do it now. Very frustrating!) UPDATE: Yay! All the pictures are showing in the order I wanted for the slideshows now!

Hot Rods

My friend went once and then gave me her second ticket, but I could not drive and take pictures of me driving, but I will add any she sends to me. The Princess had never driven a go-cart before, but she has driven our riding lawn mower under supervision. Still, she was cautious the first time. Afterward, she went all out.

Hot Air Balloon

Okay, the hot air balloon was actually filled with helium and the "hot rods" where actually go carts, but since the weather was on the cool side for most of our trip, I tried to think warmer.

Old Mill

On Sunday we had to check out before 10:00 AM and we decided to have a late breakfast out in the historical area of Pigeon Forge as well as stop in a few shops, including a candy shop with fudge and salt water taffy made on the premises. It was relaxing for us ladies, but after grabbing the candy, the guys and little girls could not wait to go-cart race again before heading home. By the way, all these pictures were taken by the Princess. (She is so very good at taking pictures!)

~ My Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you for good times and good food, and most of all for good friends with which to share them. ~

Sharing Stories of Two Lifetimes

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. ~Unknown

I suppose I began thinking over my childhood after writing my last post. I used to live in a small community next to a lake in Ohio. We lived in a cottage that was meant to be a summer rental and was not very warm in the winter. There were not many children in the area and some only lived in a rental property for a few months. However, there was one girl just a year ahead of me in school who lived nearby.

She was the only child of older parents. Her father had a pipeline job that would make them move temporarily for a few months at times, but they would eventually come home to their farm. She had horses and taught my brother, my sister, and I how to feed apples to horses with our hands flat. She had a white painted playhouse in which we once had placed tadpoles caught in the ditches where we were not suppose to be because of the water moccasins in the area (and my brother did bit by one once). She had own room all to herself and a phone in her room! We had to go next door to my grandmother's to use a phone, a party line then, and phones were used so rarely in those days. I do not ever remember being envious of my friend even though she had so much more than I did, I just enjoyed playing with her. My family moved to a small city to live with my mother's father and the one time we stayed there for a vacation week, she was gone with her family.

My mother told me some years ago that she had found out where my friend was and her married name and maybe even her address, but I did not contact her. I am not sure why...perhaps it was because of my past. At her place or in Mr. Ike's yard, a large yard behind our small one, I could play out my illusions of innocence, normalcy, and even joy. At the same time, I am sure I did not seem so "normal" to other people. I always felt people knew things about me, but most people probably did not know much at all in reality.

Perhaps I wanted to keep the memories as they were, that my friend still lived at the small farm and I could visit her anytime if only in my memories. To know who she became and what she is doing now would remove the mystery and fade the memories perhaps. Who knows? We might not even like each other as we are now....

Well, today I remembered her name and the town in which she used to live. I looked it up and found her Facebook page and there was a picture of her. I knew in an instant it was her, but I have this staunch conviction to not join Facebook, so I found her husband's business and called explaining briefly who I was and that I was hoping to get his wife's phone number. He was very kind as he gave me her cell phone number and told me she was out running errands as she had the day off.

I called the number not having a clue what I would say and was almost relieved to get her voice mail. (I mean, could it be that we would have anything at all in common? Did that matter, really?) At least this way, I thought, it would be up to her whether she wanted to really talk to me or not. A few minutes later she called me back.

How do you fit the stories of two lifetimes into just a part of a day? It is impossible. Before the conversation ended, she gave me her email address and I promised to send her my blog address. Pictures were promised also.

Since she will be reading this, I just wanted to tell her something I did not on the phone: Thank you, Debbie, for being my friend. You may never know how much your friendship meant to me.

~ Thank you, my Lord, for all times I was able to be a happy child playing with my friend. ~

Fearing God Will Say "No"

The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but deliverance from fear. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have lived in fear most of my life. I feared for myself when I was young because I had an unstable, abusive, controlling parent. When the situation changed, I feared what everyone knew about it, or thought they knew, or what I thought they knew. My grandfather, who was supporting us at the time, died and I feared what would happen to us then. Two years I lived with my aunt's family and I feared, even though this threat was never made, that I would be kicked out to go back to my mother, who did not want me.

I could go on and on and on with my list of fears....

I talked with a friend this week, too late into the night, but it was a good talk. I heard my friend say something that I have heard voiced in my own thoughts, my fears: What if God says "no"? What if I really want this certain thing and God just says "no"?

I cannot say that has never happened in my life, God saying "no", but I can say that if it did, I have no lasting memory of it. I have had God take away things from me, even things that He gave me, and sometimes it was quite painful, but in retrospect I could see how giving up those things gave room in my life for something else, something He wanted me to do then that served His purpose but also something that gave me as great or greater enjoyment in doing. He has helped me see that some things are meant only for a season, but that I should not fear the ending of one because it allows the beginning of another. And sometimes...all the time, really...God's plan is far better than my own.

I have often pondered if my Lord puts the desire to do what He has for us to do in us or if we have the desire and so He uses that or even grants us our desire. What made my husband desire to go to Israel? About a year before he began working for a worldwide company with his division headquartered in Israel, he seemed to have this sudden, strong desire and was talking to me about his ideal vacation would be to go to Israel, something outside of our means. I did not really have that desire, but I would have gone if we had the finances to do so. My husband has been there several times for training in the last three years. He did not really do God's work in Israel, at least nothing that stood out. He learned much about the culture as it is today and visited historical places with profound religious associations, but why? What was God's purpose? Was it because it did expose him to something he will need to use for God later or was it just giving a gift that he desired? No matter which, once done, it would have a lasting effect on him.

I have had many desires in my life and I can say that most of my desires, my Lord has provided. Perhaps they were His desires for His purpose or perhaps they were just a gift for me just because He loves me. Perhaps both. I mean, if I am living in His Kingdom and becoming more Christlike as I should, my desires would be His desires for me, would they not?

So...why fear? Why fear that if we needed a second vehicle and we desired that vehicle to be another used mini-van that had low miles within a certain price range AND in good working order, and we asked our Lord to make it absolutely clear which one He has chosen for us (all of which my husband and I did recently), why would I fear He might say "no"? (Notice I did not ask for a Jaguar or a Hummer, which are not only outside of our price range but would be completely unsuitable for our needs and rather irresponsible requests, but...what a really cool vehicles!)

I have a friend who has this same need and desire. She would like a mini-van and the size of their family makes this a reasonable request, but she told me that she is afraid to really talk to God about it because He might say "no". She knows that if she goes out to get one of her choosing without the Lord's blessing that it could be worse than being denied, but....well, I so understand this. I hear this same mind-talk. I know better and yet I am afraid to ask because I have not yet come to that point of surrender with that particular strong desire. I am afraid that if I surrender this thing I really, really want, give up that control, that God will completely disregard my desire...but that just does not make sense when I take it out from the dark place I have hidden it in my heart and look at it in the Loving Light.

That is why I am always wondering: Did God give me the desire or is He just giving the gift we desired? I believe that if God has placed the desire on one's heart, He is just waiting to provide it and all He wants is for us trust Him for it.

In a recent post, I admitted that I have faith in God that He can do all things, but I was struggling with trusting Him at that time. I am always afraid that God will one day ask me to do something that will be some unbearable great sacrifice...and He might. I honestly do fear that, but I when I look back on my life, I see some sacrifices, some were beyond what other people have made yet seem little to me now (although I also see others have made bigger ones than I), and I see amazing works, things fitting together like a jigsaw puzzle and the untangling of all the knots I created doing things my way without seeking my Lord first. I think I fear hoping but...no, I fear that what I want is not aligned with God's purpose and then the answer would definitely be "no" and should be (and I should be willing to accept that).

Please pray that my friend is able to surrender her desire to God willingly and that our Loving Lord provides what He desires for her.

~ My Lord, at times I think we all struggle with the fear that You will say "no." While that is an indication of our faith in You, it is also an indication of our lack of trusting You. Please help us all to trust You more and fear Your answers to our prayers less. ~

Thankful for You

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. ~W.J. Cameron

Have I told you lately how thankful I am that you are a part of my life? I am very thankful!

I am sure that my precious online friends feel that I have been remiss about keeping in touch of late and I really do not know what everyone is doing because I have not read my favorite people's blogs either. I am missing you all so much! I need to spend some time reading and catching up!

As you know, I have not written much either...and at the first of the month I have an article due that I have not yet even begun to think about! Truth be told, lately I have not much leisure time to spend online, even on my computer. I am still in the process of loading programs and moving data to this new-to-me-but-older hard drive. It is a process slowed by holiday preparations and other in real life stuff and, perhaps, I just am not in a hurry to do it.

We spent Thanksgiving with our pastor and his wife and her daughter's family, so there were six adults, three children, and two dogs, the littlest one in the teething puppy stage, in a home they just moved into the weekend before with most things still in boxes! Most people would have given up on the idea of having a holiday dinner, but they are generous people doing it with what they have. (I am so learning this lesson, my Lord.) My husband does an exceptional turkey in a brine making it so moist and he did the delicious gravy, of course. I made sourdough rolls, crumb top apple pie (one of my best ever I must say), and my red cabbage holiday coleslaw—which for some reason I cannot find a previous post that I thought did on it...maybe I have not posted it before?

It was so nice to have others with whom to share stories and conversation and good food. That is what makes Thanksgiving the holiday it is. I tend to get a bit depressed as the holidays approach because it is not much of a "family" gathering for us. I have always wished for large gatherings, but most years my husband and I had Thanksgiving at home by ourselves because he had to work. If we did go anywhere, it was to his parent's home with just his mother and father. Thanksgiving was usually a quiet holiday. Having had my fill over the years, I think I am now tired of quiet holidays, so being with others and watching the children play and get loud at times, the people in the kitchen working around each other, and the cleaning up of it all was very enjoyable for me.

I felt twinges of guilt knowing that my husband's mother was home alone and she sounded depressed and lonely on the phone. We offered several times but she declined to visit us for the holidays. I am concerned for her with Christmas coming. She has neither invited us nor has accepted our offer to come here. What else can we do?

Yesterday was Black Friday...I usually do not go out shopping on the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I did this time. I got up very early and went shopping but the lines were not that bad. The worse lines were for electronics and I was not in any of them. When I finally got home just before noon, I just felt terrible. After I ate my favorite after-Thanksgiving lunch of turkey sandwich with mayonnaise and Dijon mustard, I felt a bit better but I still had this disoriented feeling so I cozied myself on sofa and watched a DVD trying catch a few Z's now and then.

I had settled my brains for a long winter's nap...well, it felt like that but the clatter to which I awoke was a crying child. The Princess had been deleting the unwanted pictures from her camera and accidentally deleted them all. She calmed down after I explained that deleting only means that the program in the camera does not have the path to the pictures now, but the pictures are still there and that they probably can be recovered just as I did with my computer. Now I have to fiddle around with that to find out how to recover them. Here we go again!

It seems our technology attack is not over, unfortunately. On Wednesday, my husband lost his work cell phone also. He has never lost a cell phone before. He lives with his cell phone and he usually has a photographic memory about where he places things...even where I place things! The worse part is there has been something wrong with his work computer, that has not been fixed although he sent it in, so he could not back up all the contacts and calls and text messages from his cell phone as he is supposed to do. About 200 contacts are just gone. It will take him weeks upon weeks to get all that information again. He is scheduled for a new work computer in the spring, supposedly.

Maybe all this better explains why I have not been all that eager to work on my computer in any capacity. It just seems obvious to me that the Lord is allowing all this to get our attention about something.

~ My Lord, thank you for precious friends, those who choose us and become like family in our hearts. Thank you that delete does not necessarily mean gone for good and that things lost are just "things". Thank you for the desire to change and try new or different things, ingenuity to do with what we have when we must or just should, the blessing in sharing our hearts with each other, and the grace You give us every day. ~

A Persuaded Heart

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
~Brandi Snyder

I just have to say that Persuaded at Tomato Soup Cake shames me to no end and she does it without meaning to do so. She just has such a loving heart, the kind that shines a light on your own faults and make you want to hide them, yet still you are drawn to the light of her loving kindness.

I first was introduced to Persuaded through her blog listed on a mutual friend's blog and I would once in awhile creep over to her place. I tried very hard not to get caught up into another blog, trying to keep my Internet addictions down to a minimum, but...I just could not help myself. I fell in love with this woman despite it all. She reminds me of Aunt Bee of the Mayberry with a bit more spunk and far more patience. I quite imagine that she often has twinkles in her eyes. I am still trying to figure out how she makes me feel like a child when she is only a few years older than I am!

She was even gracious enough to talk with me by phone just recently, with the battery of her cell phone drained completely as being the only way to break me away from her. Poor woman! I am hoping that her good ear is still good after all that.

What I like about Persuaded:
She has an amazing heart.
She has a strange attraction for clotheslines.
She has another strange attraction for plastic storage containers.
She sews, sews, and sews some more.
She loves just about anything vintage...an-y-thing...even this!
She has a rather cute sense of humor.

How can you not just love her?

Persuaded, this is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
smiles when sadness intrudes,
rainbows to follow the clouds,
laughter to kiss your lips,
sunsets to warm your heart,
hugs when spirits sag,
beauty for your eyes to see,
friendships to brighten your being,
faith so that you can believe,
confidence for when you doubt,
courage to know yourself,
patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.

~ My Lord, please bless this dear lady and thank you for placing her in my heart. ~

For K

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

We talked about in what we find security and the big picture last night in Sunday Service. How our lives as Christians do not work out as we think they should, particularly when we are believing on promises in the Bible. How God will allow hardships in our lives because He sees how those hardships will shape us or others spiritually and be more fruitful for His purpose. However, from experience I know that this realization and level of trust and faith does not come without a considerable price to the individual. Perhaps each sacrifice we make is one more step, the shedding of the temporal, so we better perceive the eternal kingdom in which we dwell.

One sweet older woman with great burdens cried nearly the entire service. My heart was just breaking with hers. She is one of my stealth visitors: one who reads but does not leave a comment. (Yes, K this one is for you.) She is a working woman in her sixties married to a man with a deteriorating mental state and she just never knows what will happen from one day to the next. She fears going home to what she will find every day. Will you pray with me for K, please?

I had different circumstances but I know the feelings of living with someone who is unstable and the aftermath. I had them nearly every day from the time I can remember until I was in my thirties. Yes, it was several years ago now but it was still over half my life and the feelings refresh so easily. I still live with the knowledge of how fragile life can be, how easily I can be there again, and with no fault of my own. God knows how much in my heart I fear how life can just...go bad. I know and fear that whatever someone else is experiencing could be me. As I caught up with her after the service thinking these thoughts and began listening to her feelings: To my surprise, she pointed to me as one of the "happy" people.

I knew she was not really seeing my experiences in the big picture. She was only seeing this small portion of my life. She was seeing the Princess and me cuddling, my husband and me holding hands, and perhaps my appreciation with what the Lord has entrusted to me at this time, but I know there is no security in the future regardless of how well we plan. I know the only secure thing in this entire creation is the One who created it, which was the point of the lesson.

Still, I so remember the feeling of being trapped, of being in a hole so far down you wonder if God Himself had any idea if you were there or cared, of no change and no end in sight, of that day-to-day survival mode, of that deafeningly quiet desperation! Had she known me in those times, she would have seen a very different picture of me.

I have no promises to give her. I am not sure what God plans for her, but I know that nothing stays the same forever and that God does have plans. Perhaps it is not about her at all, but others. That is the problem with the big picture, our perspective is so terribly limited. If we were given specific choices, what would we choose: a happy childhood or an abused one? Of course, the happy one. But, what if part of that choice was that the abused one would eventually make the person more effective for the Lord and have far greater potential to store riches in a truly secure place (heaven) depending on how it was used in the Lord's service? Would that be worth the sacrifice? Would that be worth the risk?

To be honest, when you are in that pit, it really does not feel like it. You just want out of the pit, but what if by being there, other people learn something about love, sacrifice, and the Lord, would that be worth it to you? When personal burdens seem hidden within the confines of the walls of the home, it does not seem it passes through to touch other people, but I know from experience that it does, it has, and it will.

I love you, K.

~ My Lord, please give K encouragement this day and all that follow. I know You have felt her fears and tears. Please give her confidence in knowing that You have a purpose for the sacrifices she has made. ~

But Do You Really Know Me?

Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

I was reminded, recently, that even through blogs I do not really know a person, I only know what that person is willing to share publicly on her blog. However, there can be, usually are, many layers under a blogging mask.

I do not follow many blogs. Not that there are not enough that would interest me! Oh, no! There are far too many! I want to keep my life simple and I do not want to live on my computer...actually, I should say that I am trying to back off the time I spend on my computer, because when my own child convicts me with "you love the computer more than me" then...well, what can I really say to that?

Have I not taught her that the things on which we spend our money and our time the most are the things we love? If things get more attention than loved ones, than my Lord even, does not that person have the wrong priorities or may be idolizing those things? This is my constant internal conflict with technology and for my daughter to learn to balance this well in her life, I need to show her balance in mine.

On the other hand—I warn that this might be a huge rationalization that most of people reading would feel is justified—I would not have met some of the people I have come to really love. With some I have jumped out of the Matrix to become in real life friends, as much as we can be with the distances. With them I have come to share the things that are never posted on a blog.

Yes, we who offer up a portion of our lives online are all not the people we really are. I am not, they are not, you are not. You know it is true. We blog to entertain ourselves and hopefully others. We blog to share only those things we feel safe in sharing in a semi-anonymous but public way. We blog showing the best of ourselves, perhaps with a few of our swallow frailties to help people connect with us, but it is all very safe.

Yes, it is VERY safe. We can control the comments...just delete the ones we do not like. We can even delete or modify any post we have made that is embarrassing. On a blog, we can practically clothe ourselves in our own spotless white robes without the need of my Lord's saving grace...but that is not who we really are.

The Internet is the mask we hide behind, that we use to reach out to others while never really revealing much about ourselves. (I know I am guilty of this as I do not even use a picture of my face on my avatar!) Are we so ignorant not to realize that everyone else has a mask?

I have seen people who sign up as followers to hundreds of blogs but they are just an avatar with no depth at all. I have seen homeschooling mothers on message boards or blogs posting so often that I wonder how they have time to homeschool or even just prepare meals? The more time we spend here, the less time we spend in our real lives.

My husband has no enthusiasm for blogging or for me blogging. He thinks that it is a waste of time and it takes away from my family. It does. That is the honest truth of it. However, he readily admits he is not a person who likes to write and understands that I do. He also realized that when some of these online relationships developed and spilled over into my real life that it was good for our daughter to make connections with people from other parts of the world with differing cultures. He was concerned that I would be disappointed when I actually met these people by phone or Skype, but I have not been yet.

Even though we all have own masks, we are constantly hoping and on the search for that one true friend that will see us without the mask and still love us...just as my Lord does. Isn't it a beautiful thing when that happens?

~ My Lord, thank you for the friends I have met through the Internet. Guide me daily to do with my time the things that please You. ~

My Mysterious Muse

Of Man’s first disobedience, and the fruit
Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste
Brought death into the World, and all our woe,
With loss of Eden, till one greater Man
Restore us, and regain the blissful Seat,
Sing, Heavenly Muse,...
~ John Milton, opening of Book 1 of Paradise Lost

I love to write. I love keeping a journal of my thoughts, events, spiritual trials, and even my prayers. You may have noticed that I do not typically use the word "love" in my writings. I have a high regard for expressing it, preferring to reserve the word "love" in describing my feelings for things that have life, as I do not like to demean the significance of the word. Of course, there are different kinds of love but...if I say I love this and that several times a day, as so many do, how can I emphasize my love for my husband or daughter so they don't feel they equate to a couple of scoops of Brownie Mud Pie Ice Cream? If God is love, how can I possibly suggest that I love a pair of slouch leather western boots?

A cousin once told me that a person cannot love anything that has no ability to love in turn. I was a teenager and I remember that day opened my eyes to what love should be, a sacred trust that God chose to share with us. Now, God is worthy of my love. People are to be loved, whether they are worthy of it or not. I care for animals, but I love my pets as they, at least, show a preference for me, should one contend an animal cannot really love.

However, when it comes to being creative, the joy it gives me is beyond even chocolate. I love creating things and writing qualifies. However, to my own surprise, I struggled with keeping a private journal. I liked the idea of it, but the execution only met its minimum purpose; it was rather dry, perhaps lifeless, to me. I did not love it. I did not know it at the time but I needed a Muse.

Muses are the inspirations of artists. The term "muse" comes from mousa in Greek, literally meaning "song" or "poem". In Greek mythology, Muses were goddesses able to originate and also personify mousike, the art of the Muses, now known as music.

I met my blogging muse years ago (How many has it been? Perhaps five?) on a message board and slowly developed our friendship, a comfortable pace for us both. I did not recognize her as my muse then and I did not really get to know her until I began reading her blog. I realized then that message boards may be where one can meet people, but I never really got into the life of a person. With the discovery of blogs, they became my preference quickly. My muse inspired me by her own writings and perhaps also with some pleadings for me to begin blogging.

It was there that I found what I was missing! That essence of life in journaling I had been seeking and that I so much needed! Blogging inspire me to write...but not just blogging of itself. In very the beginning, I had only one reader: my muse. My blog is not private but it also does not come up on the search engines so I had this little corner of the Internet pretty much to myself and my muse. I would write knowing that she may be the only one who found any interest at all in the musings of my mind, yet not writing to please her at the same time. Just knowing she might read my blog was enough of an inspiration to continue writing.

I love my writing muse, my friend.

P.S. I must confess something. Although I used the quote above, I have only had a vague knowledge that there was a book named Paradise Lost, but not ten volumes! And, of course, I have not read any one of them--what a shame! I have read a bit of it on online here and I must say definitely worth the reading.

My Lord, thank you for all my friends I have (have had and will have), for they all inspire me in differing ways and may they all do so according to Your will, and a special thank you for my writing muse.

Mr. Syler

Senior adults need to know that they're still worthy, still useful and that they still have something to offer. Because of their wisdom and life experience, they still have something to offer our churches. ~Judy Felkins

The Princess has been missing Mr. Syler. I have explained that he has not been feeling well enough to come to services and then she suggested we visit him. We made arrangements to do that, so last week the Princess drew a picture to give to him and we did some old fashion visiting. Mr. Syler wanted the Princess right next to him and he held her hand most of the time.

Mr. Syler, who is the oldest member of our church at 92, often refers to himself as an "old country boy" with tales of a simpler life filled with boyhood mischief, humor, tragedy, and endearing love for the Lord. He showed us faded black and white pictures of him plowing a small field with a mule and of his long-hauling son who died around fifty in a trucking accident. Mr. Syler, a lean man well over six foot tall, is one to easily tear up with emotion when remembering the sad parts of his life as well as when he talks of God's love. He has a low voice with such a slow drawn out way of talking that you would expect to see him chewing on a stalk of hay. You cannot help but immediately fall in love with him. His hearing is not so good now and so he often mistakes what has been said and begins one of his explanations usually tinted with memories, making make you wish you had actually said what he thought you did. He is one of the sweetest people I have met in this life.

The favorite time during church services for my Princess is the time we spend greeting one another. This is how the Princess met Mr. Syler. From her commenting on his fish tie clip, he found out that she likes to fish, something he loved to do also, and one day he came to church bearing a gift for her, a mounted prize fish he had caught himself. She was thrilled. That day was the day she told Mr. Syler that she did not have a great-grandfather and asked if he would be hers, a surprise that nearly floored all of us. He stood up to announce to everyone attending services that day he was now her adopted great-grandfather. Since then, Mr. Syler and the Princess have been a delight to each other. (At first I felt a bit of a twinge, because my grandfather could never be replaced in my heart, but I quickly realized that my daughter could not know any of her great-grandfathers except through other people's memories and she had a right to memories of her own.)

Her adopted great-grandfather asked us if he could give her a fish necklace. "Now, nothing much, mind you. Just a little necklace of a fish, if I can find one." All said with that familiar twinkle in his eye when something delights him. Weeks later he presented her with a dolphin necklace. Without me making mention of it, that is the necklace she chose to wear for the visit.

The Princess has a gift with people, she really does. She seems to become what they need her to be, but still stays very much herself. She displayed just the right amount of genuine inquisitiveness and compassion, all the while she was also like sunshine brightening the room and the hearts in it. Her heart is so pure at times that I stand in awe of its radiance.

~ My Lord, thank you for such precious souls that you have brought into the life of my daughter. May she always hold onto the memory of how much this one visit meant to Mr. Syler. ~