Monday, September 20, 2010

For K

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

We talked about in what we find security and the big picture last night in Sunday Service. How our lives as Christians do not work out as we think they should, particularly when we are believing on promises in the Bible. How God will allow hardships in our lives because He sees how those hardships will shape us or others spiritually and be more fruitful for His purpose. However, from experience I know that this realization and level of trust and faith does not come without a considerable price to the individual. Perhaps each sacrifice we make is one more step, the shedding of the temporal, so we better perceive the eternal kingdom in which we dwell.

One sweet older woman with great burdens cried nearly the entire service. My heart was just breaking with hers. She is one of my stealth visitors: one who reads but does not leave a comment. (Yes, K this one is for you.) She is a working woman in her sixties married to a man with a deteriorating mental state and she just never knows what will happen from one day to the next. She fears going home to what she will find every day. Will you pray with me for K, please?

I had different circumstances but I know the feelings of living with someone who is unstable and the aftermath. I had them nearly every day from the time I can remember until I was in my thirties. Yes, it was several years ago now but it was still over half my life and the feelings refresh so easily. I still live with the knowledge of how fragile life can be, how easily I can be there again, and with no fault of my own. God knows how much in my heart I fear how life can just...go bad. I know and fear that whatever someone else is experiencing could be me. As I caught up with her after the service thinking these thoughts and began listening to her feelings: To my surprise, she pointed to me as one of the "happy" people.

I knew she was not really seeing my experiences in the big picture. She was only seeing this small portion of my life. She was seeing the Princess and me cuddling, my husband and me holding hands, and perhaps my appreciation with what the Lord has entrusted to me at this time, but I know there is no security in the future regardless of how well we plan. I know the only secure thing in this entire creation is the One who created it, which was the point of the lesson.

Still, I so remember the feeling of being trapped, of being in a hole so far down you wonder if God Himself had any idea if you were there or cared, of no change and no end in sight, of that day-to-day survival mode, of that deafeningly quiet desperation! Had she known me in those times, she would have seen a very different picture of me.

I have no promises to give her. I am not sure what God plans for her, but I know that nothing stays the same forever and that God does have plans. Perhaps it is not about her at all, but others. That is the problem with the big picture, our perspective is so terribly limited. If we were given specific choices, what would we choose: a happy childhood or an abused one? Of course, the happy one. But, what if part of that choice was that the abused one would eventually make the person more effective for the Lord and have far greater potential to store riches in a truly secure place (heaven) depending on how it was used in the Lord's service? Would that be worth the sacrifice? Would that be worth the risk?

To be honest, when you are in that pit, it really does not feel like it. You just want out of the pit, but what if by being there, other people learn something about love, sacrifice, and the Lord, would that be worth it to you? When personal burdens seem hidden within the confines of the walls of the home, it does not seem it passes through to touch other people, but I know from experience that it does, it has, and it will.

I love you, K.

~ My Lord, please give K encouragement this day and all that follow. I know You have felt her fears and tears. Please give her confidence in knowing that You have a purpose for the sacrifices she has made. ~

1 comment:

Thank you fellow travelers for walking and talking with me along this journey.