Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ~Philippians 4:6
I have fallen into a shameful, sulky, selfish mood. I have so many things about which I want to write floating in my head, but I just do not want to share anything that is worthy to be shared. No, instead I just want retreat, feel sorry for myself, and boo-hoo in my special little prayer spot (which is why I am avoiding it). Anyone who is foolish enough to fall into my little pity-party snare will do...and please do not let it be you. Save yourself right now by clicking on to another cheerful blog and go merrily on your way.
Go on now! This is not a good place for you to be.
Go away for your own good!
Okay, if you stay, I expect you to give me a good kick in the pants for being just what I am being: an ungrateful grumbler, a complainer. So here it goes....
I feel invisible. Sigh! We fasted and prayed and now we are giving 20% in tithe to the church and we are going to try to give more time and effort to outreach. I should be grateful that we are able to do it! I should feel that I made these sacrifices out of commitment because of my love for the Lord. Yes, I know how I should feel. I should rejoice when people are not placing their attention on me, because I do not wish to be one of a number of distractions from the Lord...but now I feel just...invisible.
Everyone has their problems, I know. I have no real reason to complain when I compare my problems with theirs...perhaps yours too! I am even ashamed that I consider my problems to even be problems when I hear about the problems of other people. God cannot be very pleased with me for not trusting Him with our finances and being grateful for what I have, for not having the mindset that He is sufficient in all ways and in all things.
Yet, a part of me also says: Did we not give money and help to people not that long ago when they had these very same problems we are now having?
Whine, whine, whine. Who am I to think I should have more than the Lord has given! I am the poster child for the parable that Jesus gave found in Matthew 20:1-16. (Do you not see me in this picture?)
"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. When he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius for the day, he sent them into his vineyard. And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the market place; and to those he said, 'You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you.' And so they went. Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did the same thing. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, 'Why have you been standing here idle all day long?' They said to him, 'Because no one hired us.' He said to them, 'You go into the vineyard too.' When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last group to the first.' When those hired about the eleventh hour came, each one received a denarius. When those hired first came, they thought that they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they grumbled at the landowner, saying, 'These last men have worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the scorching heat of the day.' But he answered and said to one of them, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go, but I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with what is my own? Or is your eye envious because I am generous?' So the last shall be first, and the first last."
Hm, what else is there for me to do now, but go to my little prayer spot and repent of my envious eye and hope that I am worthy to be last?
Go on now! This is not a good place for you to be.
Go away for your own good!
Okay, if you stay, I expect you to give me a good kick in the pants for being just what I am being: an ungrateful grumbler, a complainer. So here it goes....
I feel invisible. Sigh! We fasted and prayed and now we are giving 20% in tithe to the church and we are going to try to give more time and effort to outreach. I should be grateful that we are able to do it! I should feel that I made these sacrifices out of commitment because of my love for the Lord. Yes, I know how I should feel. I should rejoice when people are not placing their attention on me, because I do not wish to be one of a number of distractions from the Lord...but now I feel just...invisible.
Everyone has their problems, I know. I have no real reason to complain when I compare my problems with theirs...perhaps yours too! I am even ashamed that I consider my problems to even be problems when I hear about the problems of other people. God cannot be very pleased with me for not trusting Him with our finances and being grateful for what I have, for not having the mindset that He is sufficient in all ways and in all things.
Yet, a part of me also says: Did we not give money and help to people not that long ago when they had these very same problems we are now having?
Whine, whine, whine. Who am I to think I should have more than the Lord has given! I am the poster child for the parable that Jesus gave found in Matthew 20:1-16. (Do you not see me in this picture?)
"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. When he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius for the day, he sent them into his vineyard. And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the market place; and to those he said, 'You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you.' And so they went. Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did the same thing. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, 'Why have you been standing here idle all day long?' They said to him, 'Because no one hired us.' He said to them, 'You go into the vineyard too.' When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last group to the first.' When those hired about the eleventh hour came, each one received a denarius. When those hired first came, they thought that they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they grumbled at the landowner, saying, 'These last men have worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the scorching heat of the day.' But he answered and said to one of them, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go, but I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with what is my own? Or is your eye envious because I am generous?' So the last shall be first, and the first last."
Hm, what else is there for me to do now, but go to my little prayer spot and repent of my envious eye and hope that I am worthy to be last?
~ My Lord, I need to stop hiding away and trying avoiding You, as if that is even possible. That I feel invisible is of my own making and I desperately need to spend some time in my special little prayer spot today. Be there soon. ~
