A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. ~William Shedd
Abuse has a way of skewing one's perspective of people, of the world, of life, of even God for both victims of it, so it is easy to play the blame game. I learned that at some point in one's spiritual growth, a person should realize that he must accept the blame and ask forgiveness for his actions, regardless of what another person has done to him.
With that said, perhaps you can understand a bit about why the last place I look to in times of trouble in my life is to the spiritual realm. I constantly am seeking my Lord and trying to please Him...trying... but I am referring to the other side. I basically ignore Satan and his followers. I am not ignorant of them, I just do not believe that they can do anything without God allowing it, as seen in Job, so I try keep my focus on my Lord, the Light, and do not look to the darkness at all.
Some of my friends with very good discernment seem to be in agreement that my family is presently under spiritual attack and I spoken to my Lord on this issue also receiving confirmation. Things very spiritual occurred surrounding the 40-day fast my church did, but the church financial situation did not improve and more was required of us. My husband and I felt led by the Lord afterward to make a commitment to double our tithe for six months, putting ourselves financially vulnerable. We also planned to do more outreach work, which we have not been able to do because things just keep getting in the way, like going to Florida to help family twice since the fast.
I suppose I should not be surprised that here we are with several problems requiring money to fix and trying to make decisions about which has priority, which we will live with for now, and all the typical decisions one has to make at such times. Having car problems definitely hampers our outreach plans. On top of that I am fighting my own emotions nearly daily and just when I think I have a handle on it, something else crops up. I readily admit that finances are security to me. Even though we went through something of complete financial reliance on my Lord three years ago when my husband lost his job, I have been wondering if this is more of the same. Is my Lord trying to wrestle the reliance on money out of me? Or is this just a spiritual attack because of the fast and tithe and service commitment?
Yet, I now feel strongly this is not really about money; that part is just is a method of undermining our purpose.
Spiritual warfare....I have been in it at times praying for illnesses with demonic involvement, those illnesses that would not respond as they normally would to treatments, or did something not seen before and obviously aberrant things like that. However, I feel like a babe in the woods with this one: alone, isolated, and without a compass. I have friends, mostly you, who are reading this, praying for me and I do thank each one of you. On the other hand, I am not sure that it is even safe to be friends with me right now; I am concern for people I care so much getting caught in the fallout.
I really have to spend some time in prayer about all this. I wondered if my fight really is with Satan because I believe he really cannot have power unless my Lord allows it; He is Master of All. This reminds me of something my grandfather used to say: "God never puts more on you than you can take, but I wish He did not think so much of me."
So, the real question is what would my Lord have me do? I would like a spiritual compass!
My Lord, whatever is from You I accept readily and ask that You protect my church, my friends, and my family from what is not. Show me the way I am to go and I will keep trying to get there.
